Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off

In her essay “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off,” Sandra Tsing Loh not only openly discussed her own divorce, but she also criticizes the institution of marriage in our “modern society” and Elizabeth A. Harris’s essay “When Love is a Schlep” talks about singles that live in big cities like New York. In addition, she comes across the dating group limited by public transportation systems that makes few miles to a date into an hour long ride. Loh refers to Wallerstein and Blakeslee’s “four templates of nuptial success” recalls in what ways might the individuals described in Harris’s essay fit into these templates: “The Romantic Marriage, The Rescue Marriage, The Traditional Marriage, and The Companionate Marriage.”
The Romantic Marriage “thrives on the spark of love that never dies.” In Loh’s essay the romantic marriage is not really a type that can stand all along, it is instead an ingredient that helps the growth of any relationship; and a good judgment of whether the fondness and the interest level is solid and strong or needed some enhancement; It is also the on going process of mutual love progress for one another, not for a moment but perpetually. Loh mentioned that, “I had an entirely manageable life and planned to go to my grave taking with me, as I do most nights to my bed, a glass of merlot and a good book”. Basically she’s saying that the absence of her husband’s romance in her marriage has been replaced by a glass of merlot and a good book most of the night. Romance, in any “good relationship,” should be identifying at any time. However, the romantic marriage, finds its way into Harris’s essay; she describes a couple that believes their relationship is very romantic besides the “trek” on how long it takes them to see each other. Peter Horan 27, and his girlfriend Afton Vermeer 25, feels connected besides the fact they live 14.35 miles apart a distance according to the passage that can be done in 20 minutes drive, yet it takes them three subways and an hour and 15 minutes to actually see each other. “I'm still looking for a place that sells Harlem postcards so I can send some that say, ‘wish you were here!’” This is a very affectionate e-mail that any typical female would like receive from their partner. Loh, come across the fact that her marriage have poor romantic connection; while though off the long distance circumstance, Ms. Vermeer, 25, and mr. Horan, 27, find their relationship extremely romantic.
The Rescue Marriage, “features partners who fit each other like lost puzzle pieces, healing each other from mutual childhood traumas.” This type of marriage can be compared to one of loh's girlfriends. Ellen, a writer, married Ron. She chooses him due to her bad past relations, hoping that Ron would be her Mr. Right. At first he was then later on turned to be the kind of man she will never wanted to associate herself with. “Ellen had originally pick Ron because she was tired of all the bad boys, and Ron was settle-down husband material.” basically the condition she was running away for become worst when she got married. All Ron worried about was his “porn bookmarked on the computer” and he wouldn't have sex with his wife. Emma Lynn Worth, a 26 year old actress from Long Island, she has two boyfriends; in both relations she used the rescue marriage to make her relationship work. Sadly, it gets to a point she gets tired of the long distance public transportation system rides. She stated that, “I didn't think it was all that big deal until I took the reverse trip,” Ms. Worth said. “It was an hour and a half.” Once, her boyfriend used to be the one to travel everything was fine with her. However, when she ends up being the one to doing so that's when the drama started. The Rescue Marriage can have both a positive and negative effect base on one life situation.
The Traditional Marriage, “Succeeds because the man works while the woman runs the home, a clear and valuable division of labor.” In Loh’s essay, the traditional marriage work backward. Instead, the man does the job of the house wife, while the woman does the husband job work and brings in the money. Rachel, one of Loh’s friends, 49, an environmental lawyer whom the other women usually have the “ladies night” at her house, is a married woman with two sons. Her husband Ian, 48, a documentary film editor, run the house while Rachel is the one working bringing in the money. It gets to a point where her husband didn’t even want to touch her, nor pleasing her in bed. She tells her friends, “Ian won’t have sex with me.” “He has not touched my body in two years. He says it’s because I’ve gained weight.” Furthermore, she said, “and he thinks I’m a bad mother-he says I’m sloppy and inattentive.” In the second reading, the traditional marriage can be related in this couple journey. Melanie Donovan, 24, and her boyfriend Michael; an Astoria, Queens woman with a Staten Island man. He is the one to do most of the sacrifices to make their relationship works. Most of the time he dropped her off and picked her ups. He performs as a real husband while Melanie is the wife. Michael stated, “Staten Island’s not as far away as people think it is.” “And things are very, very easy when you’re driving.” Michael shows the husband interest of proving to his family.
The Companionate Marriage, “the most common type of marriage in which husband and wife each have a career, and they co-parent and co-housekeep according to gender-free norms they negotiate.” Loh and her husband perfectly feet into that category. Loh, 47, a writer married to a musician that “travel 20 weeks a year for work.” They both have a career and co-housekeep according to their gender free norms that they negotiate. Nevertheless, that did not prevent Loh from having a failed companionate marriage. She stated, “I-like so many other working/co-parenting/married mothers-have been doing.” She added: “Which is to say I can work at a career and child care and joint homeownership and even platonic male-female friendship.” Her husband did not have any time to contribute to their marriage, as a result of that her marriage becomes a failure. Melanie Hopkins, in Harris essay used companionate marriage in her relationship. Though she work that did not stop her from created a way of seeing her boyfriend, Robert Shapiro who lives 45 minutes away from her. “I very rarely spend a day where I don’t have a bag with my clothes from the day before or clothes for the next day,” Ms. Hopkins added. “There’s no popping home before work, and I think in that sense, the leaving a toothbrush happens sooner.” The Companionate Marriage is what mostly used nowadays in our modern time.
My grandfather usually told me that wedding rings are the world’s smallest handcuffs; it is easy to get in and very difficult to get out. I myself believe divorce is the past tense of marriage. Both Loh and Harris essay shows that a minor circumstance can affect a whole relationship whether we talking about married and non-married couples. And how the “four templates of nuptial success” can be useful or work against both married and non-married couples.