Liug

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Excusable cheating and its reasons
Juliana Salloum
Lebanease International University

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Abstract
This essay will talk about excusable cheating, cheating definition depends from one person to another for some, it's : Fantasizing about someone, others define cheating as engaging in sexual activity. This definition can be as stringent as to include kissing or as loose as to be okay with everything up to sex . Some people are okay with physical contact, but draw the line at emotional connection. But people never think that the victim can sometimes be guilty and be the reason of having a partner cheating, which is why sometimes cheating can be excusable. The first part of the research will focus on the firs reasons that leads to cheating which is abuse and its effect on the abused partner such as distorting that person’s view of reality, keeping him from having a fruitful life, and not to mention the lack of safety that this person is exposed to which will lead him to escaping his marriage and filling this lack with another partner. The paper will then describe the second reason ; forced marriages. And how forcing a person to let go of the past plans and how it affects her marriage and how living with someone they have absolutely no feelings to will never succeed. The next part will highlight the 3rd reason which is the couple forcing themselves into marriage to avoid bad effects on children such as self -esteem issues, fears that both parents will abandon them, feeling extremely lonely, anger, guilt, and anxiety... Finally we can conclude that it's never the cheaters fault it is a mutual misunderstanding.

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Outline
I- Introduction: A- Definition: cheating definition depends from one person to another, for example for some, it's : Fantasizing about someone else or flirting with a potential mate is off-limits . This is a bit harsh, considering 81 percent of women and 86 percent of men admit routinely flirting with the opposite sex. Others define cheating as engaging in sexual activity. This definition can be as stringent as to include kissing or as loose as to be okay with everything up to sex . Some people are okay with physical contact, but draw the line at emotional connection. B- Claim: But people never think that the victim can sometimes be guilty and be the reason of having a partner cheating, which is why sometimes cheating can be excusable. Violence can be one of the 3 major reasons for cheating, not to mention that sometimes women and men are exposed to forced relationships and marriage, and even though divorce seem to be more acceptable than cheating on the partner some people avoid this solution if there were children involved.

II- Body A- Supporting Paragraph 1: Abuse (definition + types) 1- Supporting Evidence1: distort a person’s view of reality 2- Supporting Evidence2: keep that person from having a fruitful life 3- Supporting Evidence3: the lack of safety 4 B- Supporting Paragraph 2: Forced marriage (definition) 1- Supporting Evidence1: letting go of past plans (with another person) 2- Supporting Evidence2: living with someone without having feelings towards them.

C- Supporting Paragraph 3: forcing ourselves into marriages to avoid bad effects on children

1- Supporting Evidence1: Self -esteem issues
2- Supporting Evidence2: Fears that both parents will abandon them
3- Supporting Evidence3: Feeling extremely lonely
4- Supporting Evidence4: Anger, guilt, and anxiety

III- Conclusion A- Restatement of Claim: Even though some people consider cheating a very sinful act… B- Open thought: Can't we see that it's never only the cheaters fault?

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Excusable cheating and its reasons

People in exclusive relationships have the burden of dealing with cheating . Some people have a very strict definition : Fantasizing about someone else or flirting with a potential mate is off-limits . This is a bit harsh, considering 81 percent of women and 86 percent of men admit routinely flirting with the opposite sex. Others define cheating as engaging in sexual activity. This definition can be as stringent as to include kissing or as loose as to be okay with everything up to sex . Some people are okay with physical contact, but draw the line at emotional connection. Almost everyone, when polled, will answer that cheating is wrong. However, these same people will hesitate when asked if they would forgive someone who cheated on them or if they have ever cheated themselves. The Associated Press says that 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women have admitted to extramarital relations . However, the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy suggests that these numbers are completely off, and that the truth is that 50 to 60 percent of married men and 45 to 55 percent of married women have cheated. So cheating Is becoming a big problem, not to mention the hard situation couples, especially married couples should overcome after facing extramarital relations.
But people never think that the victim can sometimes be guilty and be the reason of having a partner cheating, which is why sometimes cheating can be excusable. Violence can be one of the 3 major reasons for cheating, not to mention that sometimes women and men are exposed to forced relationships and marriage, and even though divorce seem to be more acceptable than cheating on the partner some people avoid this solution if there were children involved.

Abuse in its different manifestations is the most destructive tool that can be used by anyone against another person. There are different types of abuse and they are all designed for one thing and one thing only, destruction. Physical
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Abuse: which is body torture that is used to subdue and control another person. Sexual Abuse: torturing both a person physically and emotionally using unlawful sex acts as the weapon, adultery, incest, homosexuality, rape, marriage rape, anything immoral or illegal sexually.Verbal Abuse: designed to distort the truth a person holds about something or someone, including themselves in order to gain control over someone’s mind. Most sadly, all these types of abuses deeply scar the emotions of a person and usually greatly alters their perception and their ability to live life to its fullest. Abuse is designed to distort a person’s view of reality, and keeping that person from having a fruitful life. When there is abuse going on in a relationship, it’s time to separate. It doesn’t matter how holy or good the person seems who is doing the violating.

Domestic violence, which is defined as “a person in an intimate relationship using a pattern of coercion and control, including physical, sexual, emotional or economic control, against the other person during the relationship and/or after the relationship has terminated ,” is an enormous problem in today’s society.
Marriage is all about finding a safe place so it is logical to escape to another place to find the lack of safety, security, love and understanding.

Forced marriage is a term used to describe a marriage in which one or both of the parties is married without his or her consent or against his or her will . A forced marriage differs from an arranged marriage, in which both parties consent to the assistance of their parents or a third party (such as a matchmaker) in identifying a spouse, although the difference between the two may be indistinct. The practice of forced marriage was quite common amongst the upper classes in Europe until the 20th century, and is still practiced in parts of South Asia, East Asia, the Middle East, and Africa. Forced marriages now in Western Europe and North America are generally committed within communities of immigrants from such areas. In most but not all forced
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marriages, it is the female (rather than the male) who is the involuntary spouse .Forced marriages are generally made because of family pride, the wishes of the parents , or social obligation. For example, according to Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, many forced marriages in Britain within the British Pakistani community are aimed at providing British citizenship to a member of the family currently in Pakistan to whom the instigator of the forced marriage feels a sense of duty. The United Nations views forced marriage as a form of human rights abuse, since it violates the principle of the freedom and autonomy of individuals. The Roman Catholic Church deems forced marriage grounds for granting an annulment — for a marriage to be valid both parties must give their consent freely. In response to the problem of forced marriages among immigrants in the UK, the Forced Marriage (Civil Protection) Act 2007 was passed, which enables the victims of forced marriage to apply for court orders for their protection. Historically, forced marriage was used to require a captive (slave or prisoner of war) to integrate with the host community, and accept his or her fate. One example is the English blacksmith John R. Jewitt, who spent 3 years as a captive of the Nootka people on t he Pacific Northwest Coast in 1802-1805. He was ordered to marry, because the council of chiefs thought that a wife and family would reconcile him to staying with his captors for life. Jewitt was given a choice between forced marriage for himself and capital punishment for both him and his "father" (a fellow captive). "Reduced to this sad extremity, with death on the one side , and matrimony on the other , I thought proper to choose what appeared to me the least of the two evils"
In some other cases one of the couple can be having a serious relationship with someone before the forced marriage and parents after this obligation expect the victim to let go of all the plans , and even if the person seem to be accepting his parents will, nothing will push them away from their will to be with the other person especially if they are living with someone they have no feelings to.

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Under most circumstances, (save domestic violence, alcohol or substance abuse) there's never a better or worse time to get a divorce. Moreover, if you wait until your kids can accept this situation , because divorce have long term effects on children: Children can be severely traumatized by divorce, especially if the divorce is a nasty one, and/ or if there is a prolonged or an intense custody battle. Some of the effects of a divorce will pass in time; others may last for weeks , years , or even the rest of a child’s life.
Children who go through a divorce often face issues with self esteem. They may believe that they themselves caused the divorce, or that they did something wrong that made mommy and/ or daddy want to not be with them. These self -esteem issues, if not addressed, can be long -lasting.
In a divorce, children are also affected in the area of security. Fears that both parents will abandon the child are common, as are fears about what will happen to them next. In addition, the absence of one of their parents can make the child feel extremely lonely. Here again, these feelings of loneliness and abandonment can last a long time if not addressed.
Long-term studies suggest that a person’s overall social adjustment will relate directly to how her quality of life and her relationship with both of her parents turn out after a divorce. If both parents continue to be involved and have healthy relationships with the child, he is more likely to be w ell -adjusted.
Other studies suggest that there is a “sleeper effect” of divorce. This is the idea that a child that goes through a divorce will have a resurgence of fear, anger, guilt, and anxiety that doesn’t kick in until well into adulthood. These feelings tend to arise when a young adult is attempting to make important life decisions, such as marriage.
Some children are affected more by d ivorce than others. However, all children will be affected by a divorce. The things that parents do and dont do will greatly impact exactly how much a child is affected by the divorce. In
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addition, the child's gender, age, psychological health, and maturity will also all affect how a divorce impacts a child.

Divorce will not be easy for a parent; but a parent is a grown adult who has (hopefully) mastered coping skills. Children, on the other hand, are not necessarily as prepared as an adult in this regard. If you are going through a divorce and have children, you need to make the way that the divorce affects them your top priority.
Parents always find divorce a bit too harsh for their children, so they always tend to remove that solution and try to fix their relationship, but sometimes there's nothing left to save so what will remain is agony and misery. Therefore we can find a lot of cheating stories in such cases, and here we can't really find anyone to blame because ever person needs a partner in their life and if the one they are living with isn't suitable anymore they will search for another.

Even tough some people consider cheating a very sinful act, after a big discussion we concluded that it can sometime be excusable and the cheater can be the victim, and looking more in all the stories and cases, and thinking aout all the reasons that cheating can be caused by, can't we see that it's never only the cheaters fault?

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Reference
* Jewitt, J.,( July 25, 2010). The forced-arranged marriage abuse. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forced_marriage. 10-5-2011 * Fuller, R.,( 20 October 2008). Abuse. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abuse. 10-5-2011 * Eleoff, S., (November 2003). An Exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents. http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm. 10-5-2011