Monologue About Belonging

It’s really annoying how I have to walk Adeline to her kindergarten because I have already been going to school for five years. I can’t understand why she can’t walk herself to school; I mean she has her own legs. Finally, after complaining and complaining, Nai Nai finally has told the rickshaw puller to pull us to school and bring us home. Yay! I now don’t have to listen to Adeline complaining that her legs hurt, or that I need to slow down and wait for her. She complains so much, but I also still am mad at her for causing mothers death. If it wasn’t for her mother would still be here and father wouldn’t have married Niang and none of us would get hurt or treated differently from our step brothers and sisters. Niang thinks that we should just walk and try to get Adeline to stop whining, but I think the rickshaw is more to keep me sane rather than to let us have the easy way out. Walking didn’t really bother me though, but it obviously bothers the others when Adeline complains because otherwise
we would still have to walk to her school and then mine.
Recently I have been trying to get closer to Niang so that she doesn’t mistreat me.
It seems to be working but she is still being horrible to my brothers and sisters which makes me feel hurt that I can let that happen to them. My brothers believe that I have abandoned them, but I am only trying to get Niang to like me. What’s wrong with that? Can’t I have one thing that goes my way? Or do I just have to sit back and take the abuse from her and father? No, I have decided that I will take things into my own hands and prove to Niang that I am loyal and that she can trust me and that I will rat out my siblings to her. Yeah, I’m going to have a good relationship with Ning even if it means that my relationship with my siblings is ruined forever and they hate me. I’m just trying to survive in this hell hole until I can leave and not be abused by my ‘family’. I can’t stand seeing my brothers hurt or made a fool of, but I have to protect myself otherwise Niang will never believe
me.
I’m still in shock at how Niang and Father can leave Adeline by herself in an orphanage or boarding school when we are all leaving to keep ourselves safe. I can’t help but feel extremely sorry for Adeline because I imagine that she is all alone, with no one to be with her and comfort her when she is sad. I secretly hope that she will be okay and I can see her again soon, but I don’t think that that will happen because Niang has gotten very strict recently, but she also seems as if she has a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders since Adeline has left. I think that Adeline has caused many problems in our house ever since she was born, she caused our mothers death which made us all mad at her even if she didn’t do it on purpose. It was still her fault and I will never forgive her for that. I feel slightly different about it now that I understand why she died, but I still miss her and wish she was here with me so that I didn’t have to have Niang as a step-mother because she is still horrible towards us.