Motivation Letter

http://www.essayforum.com/resumes-letters-19/help-motivation-letter-erasmus-mundus-scholarships-43834/
Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum. While searching for samples of motivation letters, I came across many threads on this forum regrading this issue.

I am a Syrian student, and this scholarship is so important for me because I can no longer complete my studies in Damascus.
In the ranking criteria of this scholarships, the motivation letter has 20% of the application grading scheme. For this reason I need to make it as good as possible. Unfortunately I am new to writing this kind of letters, so I hope for some help.

To make my letter clear, I just want to tell that the host university I chose is Technische Universität Berlin. I am allowed to write up to 4000 characters.

Here is my letter,
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” one of the best proverbs I follow to achieve my goals and ambitions, starting from my early teenage. Since I was a student in the intermediate school, the major of study I wanted to take after high school was clear to me. Many difficulties faced me, but I could overcome all to achieve my dream in studying the major I want, Computer Science.

I used to live in Lebanon during my childhood and teenage, but in 2006 the war obliged me to leave and move to Syria, my homeland. It was quite difficult to complete studying in the Syrian schools because of the huge differences between the Syrian and Lebanese curricula. Yet I succeeded, and graduated from high school with an average of 99.16 percent.

In Syria, it is well common that the higher the student’s average is, the more probability the he/she chooses the faculty that requires high averages in high school, usually regardless what the student’s dream is. According to my average and this tradition, I was supposed to get into the major with the highest average, medicine. Yet I chose to get into the faculty of Information Technology Engineering, as the closest major to Computer Science (because this major is not found in Damascus University), ignoring all criticisms and oppositions I received.

During the last three years of my study in this major, I gave very hard efforts. But unfortunately as the revolution started, its consequences had a negative affection on my studying and thus my average.

Because of the absence of safety and stability, this academic year seems to be impossible to complete. I can hardly and sometimes never able to reach my faculty and attend the lectures; in addition to witnessing an hearing the sounds of explosions during all the studying hours in the faculty. For this reason, I had to look for a solution for this huge problem.

The first step to take was improving my skills to raise my opportunities. I started to take intensive lessons in German, since most universities in German-speaking countries require a certain level of German proficiency for undergraduate programs. Still the bad conditions obliged me for about two months to stop the lessons.

The second step was searching for convenient universities that offer the best opportunities and fit best to my needs. Through the search, I came across the announcement of Erasmus Mundus Program, which seemed to be the outlet I was looking for.

Reading about all partner universities, the options were few because I was seeking a university that offers scholarships for degree seeking students, not just exchange students. Technische Universität Berlin was the best choice for me because of the scholarships it offers and my knowledge of German language. Through further search, I found that TU Berlin has a very good rank in world ranking of universities in the major of information technology. All these reasons together made TU Berlin my number one priority among all universities.

I want to study at TU Berlin because of its outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience, and its excellent facilities. So I am confident of my decision. With many distinguished scientists as professors, I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery. Further supporting professors' lectures are the university's use of advanced. All these strong positives allow me to pursue my dreams and ambitions.

Given my past history of commitment to achieve my dream, I am confident that I will exceed the expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills. I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitious and open nature. Furthermore, my international background will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your positive reply.

Sincerely,
Luna

I like your essay, I can see the determination and will power you have in you. There are just a few grammatical errors which need to be corrected.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” one of the best proverbs I follow to achieve my goals and ambitions, starting from my early teenage. Since I was a student in the intermediate school, the major of study I wanted to take after high school was clear to me. Many difficulties faced me, but I could overcome all to achieve my dream in studying the major I want, Computer Science.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” Personally, one of my favorite proverbs and one which I have always followed to achieve my goals and ambitions?
Ever since, I was a student in the intermediate school (do you mean secondary school?), the major of study I have wanted to pursue after completing high school was clear to me. I have faced many obstacles, but fortunately I overcame all of them to achieve my dream in studying the major I want, Computer Science.

I used to live in Lebanon during my childhood and teenage, but in 2006 the war obliged me to leave and move to Syria, my homeland. It was quite difficult to complete studying in the Syrian schools because of the huge differences between the Syrian and Lebanese curricula. Yet I succeeded, and graduated from high school with an average of 99.16 percent.
I lived in Lebanon during my childhood and teenage until the war in 2006 obliged us (you and your family?) to flee (or you can use the word 'return') to Syria, my homeland. I was struggling in high school because of the vast differences between the Syrian and Lebanese curricula. Yet, I managed to succeed and graduated from high school with an average of 99.16 percent.

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In Syria, it is well common that the higher the student’s average is, the more probability the he/she chooses the faculty that requires high averages in high school, usually regardless what the student’s dream is. According to my average and this tradition, I was supposed to get into the major with the highest average, medicine. Yet I chose to get into the faculty of Information Technology Engineering, as the closest major to Computer Science (because this major is not found in Damascus University), ignoring all criticisms and oppositions I received.
In Syria, it is a trend is/ usually/ etc/use something other than well common, that the higher a student's average is, the higher the probability he/ she chooses the/a faculty (field/ major) which requires high averages in high school, regardless of what the student's dream is. According to this tradition and my average, I was supposed to pick the major which requires the highest average, medicine. Yet, I chose the faculty of Information Technology Engineering, as the closest major to Computer Science (....), ignoring all the criticisms and oppositions I received.