My Family Cultural Analysis

Social and Cultural Influences
On Death and Funerals in My Family

Each family confronts death and funerals in a different manner. Some families follow long held traditions, while others seem to have no such precedent to serve as a guide. At first consideration, I thought it would be nearly impossible to write an essay on death and funerals in my family, because I don’t have much in the way of personal involvement to draw upon. After contemplating this absence of experience, I came to the realization that the lack of the presence of death and funerals in my family is itself, a statement about the social and cultural influences that have produced such a result. In the remainder of this essay, I will discuss the specific influences on how
my family deals with death and funerals. The primary reason death and funerals are nearly completely absent from my family is that we are not very close, geographically or emotionally, as a family.
Both of my parents were in the Navy, before I was even born. Prior to my birth, my maternal grandfather was also in the Navy. My maternal grandmother and grandfather divorced, and each remarried, moving to opposite ends of the country in retirement. My father and his family had not been very involved in my life for the five years of my existence before my parents divorced, and were not involved after. Through many military moves, our family has been spread across the country like jam on toast. The only family I know about is my mother’s side; her parents, stepparents, aunt, brothers, and nephews. Not having a large extended family has had a huge impact on experiences with death in my family. Because I have fewer family members, I have had fewer deaths in the family as well. In addition, my family members have not lived in one place for a very long time, so physical roots and ties to communities were never established, lessening the desire for a funeral
service. Of the family I have, the only people I am emotionally close with are my mother, sister, and maternal grandfather. Of those three, my mother is the only one I see regularly. My mother had a similar upbringing, being very close to her parents, but not very close with her brothers. Of my extended family a few that I know of have passed away. My mother’s aunt died from breast cancer when I was very young. If there was a service, I was unaware, as we lived several states away and did not attend. My mother’s stepfather passed away several years ago, and I’m not sure if there was a service, but we did not make the trip. My teenage cousin died accidentally about two years ago. I don’t believe there was a service, but if there was, we did not attend. Most recently, not yet a year ago, my maternal grandmother passed away. This death was the most felt in our small family unit, as it hit my mother very hard. My grandmother’s recent death is the experience of which I have the most knowledge.
She had been at home, in hospice care, for some time before she grew very ill. My mother commented that she had wished physician assisted suicide was legal in Virginia because it would have been more humane than watching her mother try to starve herself to hasten death. My mother had gone to visit her because her declining condition indicated she would not be alive much longer. On the day my mother was scheduled to return home, her mother passed away. She was directly cremated. No service. Her cremated remains arrived a few weeks later through the mail in a black plastic
box.
The influence of the military is also manifested in the stoicism and silence surrounding many topics. There are many things we just don’t talk about. When someone dies, like my cousin or my mother’s stepfather, my mother lets me know in a phone call, and our phone calls rarely last longer than about five minutes. We are short, straight to the point, and don’t really discuss our feelings. In addition, my entire family is very practical and frugal. They don’t like receiving gifts that aren’t useful, and they don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a service for a dead person. What’s more, they know that whoever died would not want them to spend thousands of dollars on a service either.
Another reason my family doesn’t have definite funeral practices is our lack of religious beliefs, which can dictate funeral practices for many people. I’m not sure if any of my grandparents are religious, but I know my mother is not. This lack of religion may make the “direct cremation with no service” decision easier to arrive at. I would guess that this is probably how my mother wants to be handled after death, and I have similar wishes as well. None of our family has expressed any interest in being embalmed or having a traditional service. We don’t really consider burial because we don’t have a specific place that is regarded as “home.”
The military has influenced my family by spreading us apart geographically and creating an air of solemnity about many topics in general, death being among them. This combined with a dislike of spending money (especially on a dead person) and a lack of strong religious beliefs or community roots results in the experiences of death and funerals in my family.