The battle started as stress, ever-present and above my tolerance level. My background music was a constant to-do list, which seemed impossibly long. Free time was spent planning which assignments I would work on, the order I would complete them, and how I could save time. Realizing stress only hindered my situation, I had to execute a change. Unfortunately stress is a troublesome beast to kill.
I tried cutting out activities, only to fill the spaces with new projects. I learned different stress management techniques, but found that they caused more stress for an unknown reason. I felt stuck and hopeless when it occurred to me that I cannot solve a problem by treating the symptoms. I had to find the source, the soft underbelly, to improve. Taking a deep breath, I reflected on why I stressed over insignificant events. My answer was surprising, I did not stress because I feared the future. What I feared was failure.
Mediocre is not a favorite word of mine. I tend to be an overachiever, which causes me to excel in most …show more content…
My mind stated that I had not disappointed anyone, but my heart struggled to believe this fact. Eventually I began to progress, but seemed to crawl along like a sloth. The starting point was to review my thoughts. Once I recognized I was mentally scolding myself I learned to stop and turn to optimistic thoughts. Gradually, I allowed myself to undertake less and focus on the activities that were most enjoyable and important. I learned to take a little time to enjoy an un-stressful activity, such as reading. These activities provided thoughts to distract from the stressful to-do list. Finally, my value no longer depended on the work of my hands or the praise of others. The process was long and grueling, but I had broken