My Most Embarrassing Case Scenario
My Most Embarrassing Case Scenario
By Ellen Degeneres
The other day a man asked me, “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?” I thought for a minute about the right way to respond and finally settled on. “Would you please leave the ladies’ room?” He informed me that not only was I not in the ladies’ room, I was actually in his house. Eventually the whole mess was settled when I explained that I had a severe case of myopia or ‘near-sightedness,” as the kids say, but I was too vain to wear my glasses. He understood completely. Anyway, it got me thinking. There are all sorts of books offering advice on hot to deal with life-threatening situations, but where’s the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? I mean, things like landing a burning plane, wrestling a crocodile, or jumping from a moving train happen maybe five, six times in your life. But if you’re like me, embarrassing things happen every day. So here are a few things I’ve learned about how to survive life’s embarrassing moments.
SITUATION ONE:
FORGETTING SOMEONES NAME
You’re at a party. Don’t ask me how you were invited. Either your host is very forgiving or he has a very short memory. Or else he realizes it was particularly his fault. Why else would he be bragging about his new fireproof mattress if he didn’t expect you to try it out? And yes, in hindsight it is pretty obvious that just because the mattress is fireproof doesn’t mean that the sheets and irreplaceable quilt are fireproof as well. Anyways, that’s all water under the bridge (the same water, in fact, that you threw the burning quilt into to put it out). Anyhoo, you’re at the party, you notice an old friend walking toward you, and you start to panic: You’ve forgotten your friend’s name! Now when I say “an old friend you’ve known for a long time, not someone who is really old. Someone really old is not much of a problem because one, by the time they mosey on over to you with their walker you’ll have had time to go
By Ellen Degeneres
The other day a man asked me, “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?” I thought for a minute about the right way to respond and finally settled on. “Would you please leave the ladies’ room?” He informed me that not only was I not in the ladies’ room, I was actually in his house. Eventually the whole mess was settled when I explained that I had a severe case of myopia or ‘near-sightedness,” as the kids say, but I was too vain to wear my glasses. He understood completely. Anyway, it got me thinking. There are all sorts of books offering advice on hot to deal with life-threatening situations, but where’s the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? I mean, things like landing a burning plane, wrestling a crocodile, or jumping from a moving train happen maybe five, six times in your life. But if you’re like me, embarrassing things happen every day. So here are a few things I’ve learned about how to survive life’s embarrassing moments.
SITUATION ONE:
FORGETTING SOMEONES NAME
You’re at a party. Don’t ask me how you were invited. Either your host is very forgiving or he has a very short memory. Or else he realizes it was particularly his fault. Why else would he be bragging about his new fireproof mattress if he didn’t expect you to try it out? And yes, in hindsight it is pretty obvious that just because the mattress is fireproof doesn’t mean that the sheets and irreplaceable quilt are fireproof as well. Anyways, that’s all water under the bridge (the same water, in fact, that you threw the burning quilt into to put it out). Anyhoo, you’re at the party, you notice an old friend walking toward you, and you start to panic: You’ve forgotten your friend’s name! Now when I say “an old friend you’ve known for a long time, not someone who is really old. Someone really old is not much of a problem because one, by the time they mosey on over to you with their walker you’ll have had time to go