never again

I was seventeen and my sense of invincibility is at its peak. My mother and step dad were holding me hostage in my room. I was grounded again and counting down the minutes for my step dad to leave the living room so I could sneak out. The lights are off, making my room pitch black. I’m holding my phone close to my face, attempting to use the light to apply my eyeliner. I could finally hear my step dads oversized rubber sandals squeaking on the marble floor. My pulse increases with every squeak, knowing my adventure is about to begin. I felt the adrenaline rush through my body, making me excited. I now needed to become into a ninja to leave this house. I open my bedroom door in slow motion. I could not afford the smallest sound. I glide slowly through the halls in my socks cradling my vodka bottle. The moon was glowing through the glass french doors, giving me a straight pathway towards my exit. I swiftly unlock the patio door and I start my night out.

The humidity was ruining my hair with each step I took through the bushes. The bushes grossed me out just thinking about each spider and insect waiting to attack me. I crept around my neighbors’ houses praying their dogs would stay sleeping. I was the only teenager in the entire community so it was not tough sneaking around. They were all retired with their hearing aids turned off, so I really had nothing to worry about. I had to cross the golf course where my friends would be waiting on the other side. Tonight my plan was to do anything and everything I felt like. I continued to walk slowly through the bushes and roll under the fence that was blocking my night of freedom. “Autumn!” I shouted at my crazy best friend not caring it was two in the morning. She was waiting inside Mike’s truck for me. “Wham” the door slams open and, she jumps out giving me a tight bear hug. “You ready?” she whispers. I smile in return, the thrill of not knowing how much trouble I was going to be in when I got home.

Mike was riding in the front and we decided to be a little risky and ride in the bed of the truck. We rapidly opened the bottles of liquor. We could care less about the bumpy ride, because we were more concerned about not spilling our drinks. We tried to drink as fast as we could, as we could feel the liquor burning down our throats. It was a blurry ride over to the beach. The only memory I could remember was our unstoppable laughs. The humidity got worse throughout the night, and it did not help that I was riding in the back.

We arrived and I felt like passing out, knowing how much alcohol was in my body. The hours were flying by but we but we stayed where we were, enjoying each moment. I closed my eyes for what felt like a second and, faintly began to hear a phone vibrating in the sand. I noticed the missed calls and messages from my mother but instead of panicking, I laid the phone down. The sunrise was ascending and I closed my eyes picturing my parents freaking out. I could already see my mother pacing the floor wondering what I could be doing, or why I left. I am sure she was angry but I was hoping a more worried than anything.

As everyone stumbles up from the sand, we realize its Tuesday and we were late for school. We made our way to the car squeezing three people in a car only with two seats. On the way to my drop off, he sped the whole way. I jolted out of the car, hopping over the fence as if I were a professional. The sun is now beaming down, and I could clearly see my neighbors playing golf. I make it seem that I am up early and going for a refreshing walk before school. I was panicking with each step closer that I took to my house. My mouth was dry from all of the walking, making me forget what an ice cube felt like. All I wanted was water, a quick nap, and a ride to school.

I knocked on my welcoming green front door just waiting for my mother to frantically open it. The door swings open and their intimidating faces look down at me. I walk in waiting for the never ending lectures to begin. This time was different their faces were less tense and more drooped from sadness. I never felt a more discomforting setting with my step dad and my mother. They both turned towards each other to see who would say something first. I was confused why they were taking so long to simply say I was grounded. My mother stumbled with her words but she finally said, “Ali we cannot go through this anymore, this is the last time. I called your dad and he is on his way from Miami. All your things have been packed.” I stood still, like a statue. Not knowing what to say or do. I was in a haze and then all of a sudden I was dizzy. I knew I was dehydrated, but this news was too overwhelming for me to take in. As I tried to clear my throat my mother added, “We need some time apart, I need you out of this house so I can be happy again, and not worry about you. Everything cannot always be about you.”

All I could think at that moment was “My mother did not want to be with me anymore?” My confidence dropped as soon as I heard my mother say those unforgettable words. I guess I had pushed my limit of being a rebel. My dad had arrived and I was in no mood of saying a word to anyone. I just thought how it needed to be my last time sneaking out. I never wanted to hurt myself or my family like that again. I got in the packed car on a one way trip to Miami. No goodbyes were said. From the car window I just saw a slight stare from my mother before closing that dark forest green door that I already missed.