Nietzsche's Dichotomy 'Always A Woman'

In this essay I will relate my self-portrait called "Always a Woman" to Nietzsche's philosophy of the poles of "Apollonian and Dionysian”, the philosophical dichotomy between free will and primal nature. In relation to Nietzsche, Wikipedia describes Apollonian and Dionysian as:
"Apollo (Apollonian): the dream state or the wish to create order, principium individuationis (principle of individuation), plastic (visual) arts, beauty, clarity, stint to formed boundaries, individuality, celebration of appearance/illusion, human beings as artists (or media of art's manifestation), self-control, perfection, exhaustion of possibilities, creation.

Dionysus (Dionysian): chaos, intoxication, celebration of nature, instinctual, intuitive, pertaining
Even though 90% of the time it's restrained, it's still there and occasionally comes out. When we lived near my sons’ father, he visited him every other weekend, and I was free to be less restrained. I was free to go out with friends, party, skydive, stay out late, wake up late, date, and be completely free. Now, I get to go out a handful of times a year, when my son is at his fathers or when my mother comes for a visit. I have also had relationships in the past but none locally since the move. I always seem to date people thousands of miles away and take them out of the shoebox when I am ready for them. Depending on who I am with, and as in this painting, when I let myself be in that moment, I feel completely at ease, free and uninhibited, when I am living my everyday life I am also at ease, and find it easy to exercise the self restraint needed to accomplish the daily tasks in life. Nietzsche’s thought that we need both to be balanced fits in this situation and is exemplified in this painting. What the painting should show is my contentment. Although I am alone in it, it is not meant to be lonely. It's meant to be me being seen by a lover, someone with me that I have let my walls down for, that sees me for who I am and accepts me as I am. Very much in but near the end of the Dionysian moment, I am unguarded in
My life hasn't gone according to plan, and I made choices in it to achieve what I wanted, settling for less thinking it would get me to my goal quicker. The only thing I have always known is that I wanted to be a mother. I rushed into marriage not once but twice. First marrying a man that ultimately decided he didn’t want a family at all. Within a few months of that marriage ending, I met my sons father and eventually married him despite the emotional and physical abuse, because I knew that I could be what I always wanted, a mother. Both of those choices had tragic results. I am wiser from the experiences and this painting is meant to be a reflection of a woman who has experienced a lot, felt a lot, has been hurt a lot, but is now fine, content, happy with who she is and is ready for someone to see her at her rawest. I have been a very shy person my whole life and only a few people have seen me in my unreserved way. Outside of one or two people, even in the most intimate of relationships, I never let my hair down. This painting portrays the rise of the Dionysian side of my personality. Always a woman, no matter where I am, what I am doing, or who I am with, at the heart of things is a woman exercising restraint and self-control to get through life, but having the Dionysian heart beneath it giving me the strength to accomplish it all. I hope that that is seen in my