norms

Week 5 Norm Violation Paper
Example #1

Social Norms Experiment: "Do you really want to know how I am doing?" Given that so many of our daily interactions are based on the adherence to social norms, I clearly had a large variety of choices in violating one. After much thought, I chose a social norm which has always fascinated me: the way in which we greet one another by asking "How are you today?" This innocuous question follow almost immediately after the hello, most often without even a pause to allow for a hello from the other person in reply. Most interesting to me is the social script which is meant to follow in reply, "I'm fine (or perhaps I'm well), how are you?" The original person who asked the question is, of course, expected to respond in kind. This interaction is particularly interesting because it takes place in such a large variety of social settings, most often with strangers or very casual acquaintances, those which we would most likely not want to share any true source of information with, especially information which might put our social status or image in a less than positive light or information which is felt to be personal. Clearly, this type of social norm acts as an informal social control; one who does not comply with the social standard is not punished in any official or direct way. Yet it seems a clear assumption that one would assume that disobeying or refusing to comply with this social norm would be met with some form of interpersonal reaction to show displeasure or unhappiness with a non-normative response to the question. My intent, in breaking this specific social norm, was to discover exactly what type of reaction I would receive from others. I choose to break to perform this experiment in social settings where the "ask er" was a person completely unfamiliar to me. What I find most intriguing about this social interaction and the rules which govern it is the inherent insincerity it condones; the answer is expected to be the same whether of not one is indeed "fine" or no. Since I wanted the experiment to break this social norm in the more drastic sense, I chose a day where I was not necessarily feeling "fine." I was having a fairly difficult day: a combination of school stress and my worries about finding a job as a nurse, something I have worked over five years towards accomplishing. Additionally, I was preoccupied with the breakup of a close friend and her fiancee, and was beginning to worry about being a single woman approaching her thirties. By choosing a day in which I felt upset and anxious, I felt that my non-compliance with the social norm would be more sincere. I began at the grocery store I do not usually frequent. About five other people stood in line behind. When the clerk casually asked me "how are you doing today?" I responded "to be honest, I am having a pretty bad day. Things are not looking up." It felt very odd to respond with something so personal. As he was both working and making conversation with me, my response took a split second to register with the clerk. After a brief pause on his account, he replied "well, it's bound to turn around at some point." I repeated this experiment later in the day at a clothing store nearby my apartment. The store was empty when I entered and the young woman working at the store greeted me with an enthusiastic hello, how are you. I repeated my response with the grocery store clerk, describing my concerns and distress in a couple of sentences. The young woman reacted more dramatically than the grocery store clerk, looking very uncomfortable and avoiding eye contact. She paused for several moments before replying with...."oh.... well, I am sure that things will get better, right?" She then excused herself, returning a moment later. She did not speak to me further, choosing to engage with the next customer for several minutes. It seemed she was quite relieved when I left about five minutes later. During both of these interactions, I felt quite awkward and was very aware of how I would be perceived by others. At the same time, however, I felt a slight sense of relief at being freed to some extent. I did not want to be asked this question at that moment and given that I was, it was almost a relief to not have to engage in something that felt so false and far from the truth. This relief was negated, to some degree, by the reactions of others. The grocery store clerk engaged in almost meaningless platitudes which only made me slightly annoyed; after all, this person did not know me at all and had no idea if things in my life would or would not improve. However, his comments clearly were intended to restore a sense of normalcy to an unusual interaction; these type of interactions are no more meant to be full of truths and sincerity than was the intended question asking how I was. The woman working in the store, however, made no attempt to hide her annoyance for my disregarding this everyday social norm, engaging in a more direct social reinforcement meant to discourage this type of response. It was awkward and embarrassing to blatantly disregard this type of social norm, although not necessarily difficult. I knew I was engaging in this behavior for a purpose which helped as did knowing that my behavior would not have a permanent impact on my life or social standing. However, this exercise reinforced how society encourages a false sense of intimacy, most likely out of a desire to seem welcoming and polite, particularly in retail or business settings. This sense of intimacy does encourage a "feel good" sense in doing business and in social settings but is clearly merely a form of building capital or easing social interactions. However, given that interactions such as these help move society along in a "regular" and familiar manner, it seems inevitable that one continue to learn and respond in a way which is within social norms or else suffer some uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing consequences.