Obedience to Parents

ll religions and all societies have given parents an honorable status. From a purely material viewpoint, we find ourselves indebted to our parents, particularly our mother. She not only nourished us in her womb, but went through pain and suffering. She loved us even before we were born. She toiled when we were totally helpless infants. She spent sleepless nights caring for us. Our parents as a team provided for all our needs: physical, educational, psychological, and in many instances, religious, moral, and spiritual. Our indebtedness to our parents is so immense that it is not possible to repay it fully. In lieu of this, it becomes obligatory for us to show the utmost kindness, respect, and obedience to our parents. The position of parents, and the mutual obligations and responsibilities, have been addressed in Islam in great detail. The Qur'anic commandments, as well as the sayings of Prophet Muhammad (sawaws) guide us in this matter. The parent-child code of behavior in Islam is unique, since rules were laid down by Divine command.
References to parents have been made at least 15 times in the Holy Qur'an. There are numerous traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) on this subject. I will first quote some of the Qur'anic verses here:
"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final goal." (Chapter31: verse14)
According to the above verse, gratitude to Allah (swt) and to parents go hand in hand. Gratitude to Allah (swt) is incomplete without showing gratitude to one's parents. Since being grateful to Allah (swt) is a form of ibadah (worship) which earns heavenly rewards, it can therefore be said that being grateful to one's parents also earns heavenly rewards.
"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them,but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (17: 23,24)
"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth." (46:15) Thus, Allah (swt) has enjoined on us to show kindness, respect, and humility to our parents. We are commanded to do this, even though they may have injured us. The only exception to the above command is made in the following verse:
"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not." (29:8)

Some of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), and of the learned members of his family, about our responsibilities toward our parents are quoted here: * "Paradise lies under the feet of the mother." * "Allah's pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and Allah's displeasure is in the displeasure of the father." * "He who wishes to enter Paradise through its best door must please his parents." * "It is a pity that some people may not attain Paradise, on account of not serving their old parents." * "If a person looks with love at his parents, Allah writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj." [Someone asked, "will this promise be good if one looks at his parents one hundred times a day?" The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, "even if one does so a hundred thousand times a day, Allah gives the reward accordingly."] * "A man or woman is bound to be good to his or her parents, even though they may have injured him or her."
Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (A.S.), the great-great-grandson of the Holy Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have quoted Imam 'Ali (A.S.) that, "disobedience to parents is a major sin." He also stated that, "if a person looks at the face of his or her parents with wrathful eyes, despite the fact that injustice was done to him or her by the parents, his or her salah (prayer) will not be accepted by Allah." According to one of the Hadith-e-Qudsi, the following is reported about the status of parents:
"Allah has commanded that if anybody prays equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no good if that person has been cursed by his or her parents."
It has also been related that the very first words which have been written on the Lauh-e-Mahfuz (The Heavenly Preserved Tablet) are: "I am Allah, and there is no deity except Me. I am pleased with those with whom their parents are pleased, and I am displeased with those with whom their parents are displeased." The Holy Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have said: "On the Day of Judgment, my person will not be seen by those who drank liquor, those who on hearing my name did not invoke the blessings of Allah on me, or those who were cursed and disowned by their parents." 'Ali ibn al-Husain (A.S.) is reported to have said: "The right of your mother on you is that you should know that nobody could endure the trouble and the conditions under which she protected you and nourished you with the juice of her life, and tried with her heart and soul to satisfy all your needs in relation to hunger, thirst, dress, etc. She passed sleepless nights, suffering anxieties. She provided you with shelter against heat and cold, and protected you from ailments. It is not possible for you to compensate her, or thank her enough for all the services, except that Allah may give you guidance for that. The right of your father on you is that you should know that it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life." According to a reliable tradition, it is related that a man came to the Holy Prophet (pbuh) and asked him to whom he should render kindness. The prophet told him to be kind to his mother. Three times he put the same question to the prophet, and three times he got the same answer. When he asked the question the fourth time, he was told to be kind to his father, indicating that the mother's right took precedence over that of the father. Parents' duties: Islam has assigned certain duties to parents that they must fulfill. If they fail in those, they will be questioned about it. Besides providing the basic necessities of life, Islam requires that the parents teach their children about the Oneness of Allah (swt), the Quranic commandments, values, the Prophets and their teachings, and the moral code of Islam as according to the Quran and the Sunnah (teachings) of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Let us pray to Allah (swt) that He guide us to be respectful, kind, and obedient to our parents, and that we continue to show them humility regardless of the power, position, wealth, and influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be patient, kind, thoughtful, and friendly with our children, as we guide them through their lives, and that we discharge our responsibilities towards them as required by our religion, so that Allah (swt) may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward us, both in this world and in the Hereafter; Ameen. P2
Islam builds a family in which prevails mutual respect and care. Parents and children in Islam are bound together by mutual obligations and reciprocal arrangements. Allaah Says (what means): “…No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child…” [Quran 2: 233]
The Quran has made it compulsory for the child to treat his parents with all goodness and mercy.
Every Muslim must show goodness and mercy to his parents throughout their lives. There is only one exception to this, and that is, if the parents ask their children to associate anything with Allaah and to commit sins, then the children must not obey their parents. In all cases, the children must show love and gratitude to their parents. They must always speak to them gently and respectfully. They must try their best to make them happy, provided they do not disobey Allaah in the process.
Allaah says (what means): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly…” [Quran 31:15]
Being patient and tolerant with parents:
The children must take great care not to react to what their parents have to say. If they say or do anything which is not liked or approved of by the children, then they must show patience and tolerance instead of giving vent to their anger. The children must scrupulously try to refrain from disobeying their parents since the Prophet regarded this as one of the grave sins.

Supplicating for them:
Far from showing signs of displeasure, the children must pray for them saying, as Allaah teaches us in the verse (which means): "…My Lord and Sustainer! Be kind and have mercy on them as they cherished, nurtured and sustained me in childhood.” [Quran 17: 24]

We must continue praying for them even after they die. Such prayer will be regarded as a continuous charity as the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa salllam, told us.

The greater right of the mother:
The children must be kinder and more grateful to their mothers since they took greater pains in their upbringing. That is why the Prophet emphasized that it is the mother who has the first claim on the child's care and attention.

Once a companion asked the Prophet as to whom he should show more kindness. The Prophet replied: "Your mother." He asked who comes next and the Prophet again replied: "Your mother." He asked the Prophet yet again who comes next. The Prophet replied: “Your mother." When the companion asked for the fourth time, only then did the Prophet reply: "Your father."

Recognizing their great status:
The Muslim should recognize the status of the parent and know his duties towards them. The status of parents in Islam is a status which mankind had not known before. Allaah Has placed the respect for the parents just one step below the belief in Allaah and true worship of Him.
Allaah says (what means): “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran 17: 23]
The Prophet placed kindness and respect towards parents just after the prayer offered on time as the prayer is the foundation of Islam.
'Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood said: “I asked the Prophet which deed is most liked by Allaah? He said: ‘Prayer offered on time.’ I asked him: ‘Then what? He said: ‘Kindness and respect towards parents.’…” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Knowing the duties towards them:
It is also the duty of the child to provide for his parents, if he is able to do so. The Quran sums up the whole matter in a master concept called Ihsaan, which denotes what is right, good and beautiful (i.e. showing to them kindness, compassion, gratitude, reverence and respect, praying for them and supporting them financially if they are in need.)

Concluding, we mention a verse that shows the significance of obedience and gratitude due to parents: Allaah says (what means): “And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” [Quran 31:14]

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After obedience to Allah (s) and His Messenger, it is most important to be obedient to one's parents. Being polite and helpful to one's parents is the duty of every Muslim.
Children sometimes do not realize how much their parents have done for them. Every mother bears the pains of pregnancy and childbirth. She often spends many sleepless nights patiently caring for her baby's needs. If the baby is sick, parents nurse him to health. They gladly spend their money and time to buy clothes, food and medicine for the baby and toys to make him happy.
As their child grows, they try to provide him a good education and a loving home. They are there for all important events in their child's life, from his first words to his college graduation, professional career, and marriage, giving him all their love and support. Even if he makes a mistake, they never stop loving him. Most of all, they pray that their child will grow up to be successful and happy in this life and in the Hereafter.
Returning the Love and Kindness of Parents
Parents feel very happy if their son or daughter is kind, polite, helpful, and obedient. If their child is rude, disobedient, or lazy, they feel dissapointed and even embarrassed. After all, the way a child behaves reflects on his parents.
When they become old and too week physically to care for themselves, parents need loving care, just as they gave their children when they were young. We should never forget that if our parents had not taken care of us when we were young and helpless, we probably would not have survived. We truly owe our lives to our parents, so taking care of them in their old age should be our pleasure.
The Qur'an commands us to show kindness to parents in the following words:
Your Lord has decreed that you worship nothing but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word for contempt, nor repel them but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them wing of humility, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy, even as they cherised me in childhood.
(Al-Isra' 17:23-14)
Obedience to Allah (s) Come First
If parents ask their children to do something which Allah (s) has forbidden, children should obey Allah (s) over the order of their parents. However, they should respectfuly explain to their parents the reasons for their disobedience. If the parents are not Muslims, Rasulullah (s) taught us to be kind and respectful to them. We should take care of them and continue to explain Islam to them.
How to be Obedient and Helpful to Parents
In every home, many chores need to be done. When a child comes home from school, he should make it a point to help his parents before going off to play. Tidying up, washing clothes, mowing the lawn are a few ways we can help our parents. By offering our help, we show them how much we love and respect them.
Children should do their best to obey their parents. Children should not argue with their parents, refuse to help them, or make a fuss over every small matter. If a child is asked to take a bath, change clothes, do the vacuuming, or do homework, he/she should try to do so as soon possible. Respecting our parents' wishes is another way we can show our parents we love them.

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Obedience to Parents
If you want to attain success in both worlds, then you should apply the following advice:

1. Speak politely to your parents and humble yourself before them and be kind to them, and never scold them nor express a word of disgust to them.

2. Obey your parents as long as no disobedience to Allah is involved.

3. Never frown at them, nor give them an angry look.

4. Honour them and guard their reputation and their property. Never take anything from them without permission.

5. Do what pleases them, and help them out even without their asking for your help.

6. Consult them in your own affairs, and apologise to them if you fail to do so.

7. Respond to them quickly and with a smile and when they call you.

8. Treat with courtesy your parents' friends and relatives during their life and life after their death.

9. Never argue with them, nor blame them and if they err, show them politely their error.

10. Never speak to them with loud voice, and listen politely to them.

11. Help around the house, and offer help to your father at his work.

12. Do not travel without their permission, and if you do, keep in touch with them.

13. Never enter their bedroom before knocking and receiving permission to enter.

14. Never offend them by any bad habit that you may have.

15. Never start eating before they do.

16. Never give your wife or children priority over them. Seek their pleasure, for doing so secures the pleasure of Allah.

17. Do not sit on a place higher than theirs.

18. If you maintain them, never be niggardly towards them. The way you treat them, your children will treat you.

19. The most deserving of your kindness is your mother, then your father, and know that Jannah lies under the feet of mothers.

20. Never be disobedient to your parents, for this is the case of misery in both worlds.

21. Ask your parents to supplicate in your favour, because Allah responds to their Du'aa for you or against you.

22. Supplicate frequently for them, and ask Allah's forgiveness for them.

23. Never cause anyone to curse them. The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] explained this by saying, 'When a man curses another, the other would curse the man's father. So beware of this horrible sin.'

24. Remember whatever good deeds you do or accomplish, your parents will benefit from it after their death. And remember too that the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'You and your property belong to your father'.