Obsessive Heartbreak Neil Hilborn Analysis

Annika Riggins
Professor McGaughey
English 101
17 September 2014
Obsessive Heartbreak Chronic conditions are one of the leading causes for death and disability. You may have heard about these conditions such as ADD, ADHD, OCD, etc., but are you aware of the social burdens they can have on their victims? Most people are not affected by chronic conditions in their own lives, and do not take into consideration the day-to-day struggle and constant battle being faced by others who do have them. It is a common misconception that people with OCD are just germ freaks or they are obsessed with one action such as not stepping on cracks in the sidewalk. Neil Hilborn is a poet who showcased his OCD through spoken poetry at the Rustbelt Regional
Poetry Slam in 2013. Hilborn does a great job explaining how a relationship can be negatively affected when a person with OCD overwhelms their partner. While most people believe that OCD victims are incapable of a normal relationship, a partner who is able to tolerate and help maintain their impulsive behavior can complement their qualities in a relationship. Hilborn logically argues his perspective about his first date with a new love interest.
She is aware that Hilborn has OCD, but she has not experienced the severity of his condition. According to Hilborn, “On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or talking to her... But she loved it” (Hilborn). In other words, Hilborn is spending more time focusing on his food rather than getting to know this woman. In Hilborn’s argument, his positive conclusion follows negative premises, which makes his argument invalid. He spent more time organizing his food by color rather than eating or talking to her. One might conclude that by reading these premises the conclusion would have a negative connotation. This is not only an invalid argument but it also is unsound and does not logically make sense. It is clear that Hilborn does not have a problem showcasing his symptoms even on the first date. While this shows that he is being honest, it also leaves me to question if he feels comfortable. As mentioned in the quote above, the girl does not mind that he is paying more attention to his food rather than her! Since they are not familiar with each other, being nervous on a first date is normal, but she lets him believe it is ok he is not taking this time to get to know her. It is commendable that she is accepting him, but she is also encouraging habits that eventually annoy her. Channeling his thoughts away from his food and towards her would have made
a great improvement in their communication. Hilborn could have used basic logic to conclude that this was a horrible first date and not a great start to a relationship. Throughout his speech, Hilborn uses a lot of different emotions to try and connect with the reader.
Even as Hilborn’s relationship with this girl starts to progress, you cannot help but feel sympathy toward him and his troubled mind. Once Hilborn and his love interest move-in together he writes, “She said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times” (Hilborn). In making this comment, I noticed that this girl was providing Hilborn with reassurance that locking the door multiple times was a good thing and it would protect her. I also recognized this same pattern throughout the whole speech, where before discussing all his compulsions he writes, “She loved” (Hilborn). Basically, Hilborn has been lead to believe by this girl, who supposedly loves him, that his behavior is admirable. She loves that it takes him forever to walk home from work and the way he turns the lights on and off numerous times. I am a strong believer that too much of anything can take a toll on a relationship, but with no warning how was he supposed to know when enough was enough? Suddenly, half way through reading my text I was surprised when Hilborn abruptly wrote, “But then… She said I was taking up too much of her time” (Hilborn). In other words, Hilborn’s actions were starting to annoy his partner and she started making up excuses to avoid hurting his feelings. It is hard not to feel sympathy for Hilborn, since he had no warning on what he was doing
wrong. Hilborn uses his pain and confusion to target his audience and make them feel empathetic. By focusing on her justifications, Hilborn overlooks the deeper problem; it was his actions that overwhelmed her. In a healthy relationship, a partner should remind someone like Hilborn that repeating the action would not serve a purpose. Once the couple breaks up, you can feel the frustration and confusion throughout Hilborn’s tone. He is effectively a distraught partner that feels completely lost without his loved one. Hilborn easily attains credibility because he is a living victim of Obsessive-Compulsive disorder. His speech can be read by a variety of audiences, but the people who can actually connect with him are the ones that are affected by anxiety related conditions such as OCD. Hilborn himself writes, “How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her?” (Hilborn). In making this comment, Hilborn shows that he is a victim of OCD and has to wash his hands after touching most people. Credibility is trusting or believing what someone says is reliable. Since Hilborn has OCD, we can assume that what he is saying in his speech are real feelings that are felt by people with this condition. If someone without OCD had written this piece, odds are we would not give them as much credibility. It is possible for someone to talk about OCD secondhand, but the emotions are authentic when it is coming from someone who has actually felt them. Hilborn proves this point when he states his powerful line, “Now, I just think about who is kissing her. I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once- he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!” (Hilborn). Hilborn proves through these lines that he felt the obsession even after the relationship ended. He could not move on because his mind was stuck on her. He compares himself with someone who does not have OCD to show how different the mind is working during these situations. People with OCD can relate to what Hilborn is saying, rather than someone who thinks they know how someone with this condition feels. Not only is he relatable for people with his condition, but he also shows people without these types of conditions what it is like to be inside his head. He demonstrates how difficult it is to find the right person that can put up with compulsions and persistent habits. Credibility is not always easily obtained, but Hilborn earns his praise through his raw expression of an obsessive heartbreak. Although Neil Hilborn’s interpretation of heartbreak was exceptional, he could have used basic logic to avoid all his suffering. Hilborn was effective in displaying what an unhealthy relationship looks like, and with this poem people in obsessive relationships might learn what not to do. People with Obsessive-Compulsive disorder are capable of a normal relationship with the right person who knows how to communicate with them. The story that inspired Neil’s spoken poetry was a real incident and it shows through all his raw expressions of pain and emotions. The final words in Neil Hilborn’s speech are the most empowering, “I want her back so bad… I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on” (Hilborn.)
Works Cited
Hilborn, Neil. “OCD.” Reddit Videos. Antron81, 12 August. 2013. Web.