Old People and Babies: What's the Difference?

It is ironic how two groups of people separated by 70 years, or more, can be so alike. As people age, they often take on the characteristics of dependent children. Their ability to care for themselves diminishes dramatically to the point that they resemble the helpless babies they once were.

The most obvious similarity between old people and babies is that they need the care and intervention of others. They may depend upon someone for something as simple as moving from place to place. Many elderly and infants can not walk without assistance. A person weak with age may sit in a wheelchair all day and require others to push them because they are unable to turn the wheels themselves. Obviously, some old people are more "fortunate" than others because they only need their cane or walker. But, even these people may still require someone at their side in the event their legs tire or they run short of breath.

Similarly, babies can not go far by themselves. Babies are dependent on their parents to push them in strollers or carry them in their arms. When infants grow, they begin to crawl. But, crawling is as inefficient, due to the slow pace, as a "fortunate" older person stumbling along with their cane. It is as if the two groups cross each other's path; One is on the way to improvement, and the other is on the ultimate downward spiral to their demise.

Perhaps the way these diverse people move from place to place is not their most obvious similarity. When comparing a baby to an old person it is impossible to ignore their distinct aromas. Elderly people simply don't let others forget their presence, as they remind those in their vicinity of the pungent odors of age. Although the old person is not entirely at fault, the strong fragrance can be modified. Everyone knows that old people take medications for their ailments, but as a common courtesy to the rest of the world, they should use a little mouthwash or brush their teeth more often. We don't like inhaling medicine breath. The other thing about old people, particularly women, is that they either use half a bottle of perfume a day or buy the strongest perfume on the shelf. As people age, their senses become weaker. So, it's likely that they continue spraying more perfume until they can finally smell it (one half bottle later).

Babies also have a distinct odor, although less unpleasant. Usually, a baby carries the aroma of baby wipes or baby powder, both of which give a baby a sweet, fresh scent. Because parents today are crazy about sanitary issues, babies often smell as if they have been bathed in anti bacterial soap. However, some parents choose to ignore their baby and allow it to play in a stinky diaper. But, this stinky diaper aroma is not viewed the same as the stench of an old person, because for some reason, a stinky baby is "cute".

One last similarity between old citizens and babies is that they are both embarrassments to the others at their table in a restaurant. An old person searches for things to complain about. They most frequently complain that the soup is not hot enough even when there's already steam rising from the bowl. Scientifically, once something reaches its boiling point, it can not get any hotter. So, how scorching does the old person expect the soup to get? It's not just that old people complain; it's the way they complain. Old people yell at their server from half way across the restaurant as if the server is going to drop everything they're doing for one unsatisfied customer. Since an old person never likes they way their server responds to their complaints, they demand to speak with a manager. They think that by complaining to a manager, they will receive a discount on their bill. It's as if old people plan this scheme before they enter the restaurant.

Babies can be obnoxious and embarrassing in a restaurant too, but in a different way. Babies fuss and scream for no apparent reason, and people turn and glance. This is embarrassing because under their breath, these glancing people are saying, "shut that baby up or take it outside." Babies spill. They drop their fork. They empty the Sweet 'N' Low containers all over the table, and babies throw food. Servers find babies obnoxious because they have to clean the mess. The server knows that the others at the table are embarrassed because they often apologize as they leave the restaurant. What's different between the embarrassment caused by an old person and a baby in a restaurant is that the people sitting at the next table think that the baby is adorable.

An old person is essentially a grown baby. They make embarrassing scenes, have unique aromas, and depend on others for everything. They are both pains that we would like to live without; however, in most instances, we have no choice about the matter. But, it is easier to live with a sweet innocent baby over a bitter old person.