Parenting practices

Saad Qureshi
Professor Leah Hibel
February 26, 2014
Human Development 100A
Parenting Practices
Jared Diamond discusses multiple different parenting styles that are practiced across New Guinea. These practices are seen in the Western society; however, they are not acceptable or recommended. In his article, Best Practices for Raising Kids? Look to Hunter-Gatherers, he strongly recommends that some aspects of hunter-gatherers child-rearing styles should be considered and assimilated into our society today.
Diamond analyzes the story of a young man named Enu who was born into a village which practiced a repressive and neglectful parenting style. In this type of child rearing, the parents are neither demanding nor responsive. They are uninvolved with the child and do not participate or show interest in the activities that exist in their child's life. In today’s Western society, neglectful parenting can stem from various reasons such as financial stress, lack of support, or addiction to harmful substances. These parents may prioritize their needs before their child’s needs and lack a sense of encouragement to be active in their child’s life. As a result, these children that are neglected develop a sense of guilt and burden; they may believe that they have no importance in their parent’s lives. They develop independence, learn to provide for themselves over time, and will usually be mature beyond their years. Tired of this lifestyle and parents who were uninvolved, Enu independently decided to leave his natal family at the age of five.
The second type of parenting style that Diamond witnessed in New Guinea was laissez-faire parenting, also known as permissive parenting. This style was practiced by Enu’s adoptive society. Parents who practice this style allow children to make their own decisions. Typically these parents are passive and believe that children are autonomous individuals. Children are not given direct guidelines, rules, or regulations regarding any actions or behavior. In Enu’s new village, children were left alone to do whatever they wanted to, however, they were expected to be responsible for their own actions. For example, parents would not intervene if they were to see their baby playing with a knife or playing next to a fire (Diamond). They would merely allow the baby to experience pain, make their mistakes, and learn from them. Consequently, many adults in the village had burn scars which were an outcome of their behavior as children (Diamond). In today’s society, this sort of parental behavior would be considered irresponsible and could lead to criminal prosecution. Contrary to Enu’s society, Western society is expected to have certain resources that are only available to adults and not infants; these include weapons, alcohol, sharp or breakable objects.
A third practice described by Diamond was allo-parenting. This method seemed to be common throughout villages in New Guinea and has also been practiced in traditional societies. An “allo-parent” is described as an individual who is not a biological parent but participates in raising the baby and providing care. This role could include grandparents, aunts and uncles, or other close relatives. In a hunter-gatherer’s society, allo-parenting is extremely typical. Within hours of being born, a baby has been passed around and held by multiple caregivers; throughout the child’s life, these caregivers will provide food and protection (Diamond). This distributes the responsibility of the child to multiple people rather than just the biological parents. In Western society, allo-parenting is not common. Parents play a more dominant role compared to before since relatives are living at farther distances. Aunts, uncles, and grandparents are not readily available for caregiving as they use to be. Diamond observed that children who had allo-parents grew up to be more social adults compared to not having allo-parents. They seem to have a better understanding and a secure sense of who they are. Children raised with this style of parenting have also shown advanced social and cognitive skills.
In today’s Western society, psychologists recommend an authoritative parenting style, which is believed to rear children into well-adjusted and balanced individuals. Authoritative parents are neither too lenient nor too strict; they set reasonable limits for their children, are sincere and responsive, and do not use harsh methods of punishment. Although this method is predominantly used and is accepted by society, Diamond raises some important questions towards these Western ways of child-rearing. He notes that hunter-gatherers as well as small-scale societies showed no evidence of having adolescents with identity crisis, yet in the Western society, almost every American teenager goes through an identity crisis.
These insecurities can be resolved if some hunter-gatherer parenting styles were implemented within our society. Diamond identifies some possible techniques that will allow a child to have a sense of security and stimulation while staying within our societal limitations. Hunter-gatherers’ practices include allo-parenting, sleeping in the same room or even the same bed with their baby, remaining in constant physical contact, and an instant response to their crying. In Western society, the exact opposite of these methods are practiced. Western parents provide a different room for their baby to sleep in, which reduces proximity. Pediatricians do not recommend sleeping in the same bed as there have been cases of the baby overheating or getting crushed. They have minimized physical contact which occurs when they are either feeding or playing with the baby, as opposed to hunter-gatherers who carry their baby in slings ninety percent of the time. American pediatricians recommend that babies, if nothing seems to be wrong, should be allowed to cry for a while before the parent gives them a response. Psychologists and child observers compared the two techniques of waiting to give a response versus giving an immediate response to crying. They observed that when crying is ignored, infants end up spending more time crying than infants whose crying receives a response. This unnecessary crying may not be beneficial for the infant; instead, infants who cry less may have a better sense of security and reliance toward their parent or caregiver.
The various parenting styles that were observed in New Guinea by Diamond as well as in other traditional hunter-gatherer societies have shown to produce children that are secure, competent, and independent individuals. These practices have survived thousands of years and still continue to be used in small-scale societies. They are worth considering and may have many beneficial outcomes if they were to be implemented into the Western society’s authoritative parenting style.