Pathological Liar Monologue

Hello..First of all I want you to know that I thought this well,and did a lot of thinking before I decided to write this message.
It's going to be a long story so please bear with me. I also thought that I might be crazy and had a kind of mental illness ex.Pathological Liar(but I doubt it because I'm sure that I'm not crazy after arguing with myself), after everything
/ included that day we talked for the last time and I promised to your mom. The most logical thing in the world to do is to never think about you again, and yes, please trust me that i did every possible ways included "throw away everything related", and at first, I tried a lot to hate you by think that you're the worst evil in the world and played with my feeling just for fun
and it worked so well until lately.
I'm sorry If I'm violating your values/moral(I recalled your mbti and I'm aware that you're an INFP), I hate to lie please trust me.
(as an INTP, I also have my values and logics, for me lying as a cause(do bad thing) would logically get a bad result (It's a rule of the world.))
After I researched about my personality type, I became to know that when an INTP having love , an INTP would become irrational and ignore the logics.
And that might explained why I was very irrational back then. And It also applies to my irrational thought of writing this message.

I thought a lot and the results of this message could only be either "Those eyes were true — I got nothing to lose" or "Those eyes were lie — you will be annoyed (That's maybe good for
me)"

And I'm sorry (again) If I sounded weird or nerdy after I spontaneously wrote about mbti a lot and out of the blue.
Lately, I've been researching about myers-briggs and keirsy (just for my curiosity),

The reason why I research about mbti.\\irrelevant// after I tried to be "socialize" by get to know a lot of people and hungout with extrovert friends.
I'm very bad at expressing emotions(an INTP aspect), i tried to change myself by fitting in and do stuff which I regret. By a magik chance, my first mate in college is a malignant narcissist
(I was attracted to him by his fake ultimate confidence and his outgoing personality), I went to couple of music contests and play guitar with him. He was very confidence and seemed to know more about everything.
Good days ended by finding out that he's a liar (His mate from his old band which they didn't end well, told me that this guy can only play basics and didn't train his guitar regularly then I thought back and realized that he is a liar and fits every aspects of a narcissist written on the internet ex.required(I was always wonder why he played so bad (we failed both contests though.))and he tried to manipulate me to get emotional feedbacks and used emotional attachment to force me to do many thing he wanted)
After days of researching on Google (I'm very obsessed and was convinced by myself that maybe he isn't that bad), and after he knew my weakness he started to use that against me so I exposed him smartly in a psychology class after that he became angry and tried to draw an emotional response from me, so i decided to ignore him entirely.
(many people in the class also agreed with me). He has a lot of admirers but I blocked his fb and line anyways

On the way, I got a friend who is an ISFJ.. (yay)
\\irrelevant//

In the middle of the way of those irrelevant dramas, I discovered this song "ดอกลั่นทม - โหมโรง เดอะ มิวสิคัล" and like it a lot.
After listening to the song, all I can think about is you. //i don't know if it sounds weird but on the internet they say that if red color is related to sexual pleasure and white color is related to love.
I just want you to know that I love you, I'm thinking about you and all i can see is white.
This message is an irrational act of me even so I still insisted to send this message anyways,even you may not even using this email anymore. if you happen to even care to read until the end, i would be so thankful.

I still remember those eyes and your quirkiness, for now I just can't love no one other than you.
In the faculty, there are a lots of girl but no one else like you, and i can't feel like that with anyone other than you.
I'm a logic guy and i don't like this world and people for being so irrational.
I don't believe in higher power but I want to pray to every gods in every religions and wish that those eyes were true and your heart is waiting for me.

I can't force a smile, I can't do fake smile or fake laugh or any fake expression which people like to do for the social needs.

You made me feel, back then I could genuinely smile everytime i think about you.

I never felt that much before, you made me FEEL, you made me bring out the emotions.

After I think about the past, I feel even more about you.

Even there is very little miracle chance, I love you and hope that you also think the same way.