Peer Review Sheet Analysis

Peer Review Sheet (Research Paper)

Student’s Name:______________ Gabrielle Friedman
_____________________
Student Editor____________Gregory Thrope

Mark yes or no and discuss your comments with the student.

INTRODUCTION:
__NO Clear and interesting opening that grabs the reader’s attention? Use of an introductory device present?
THESIS:
____NO Does thesis express a clear and specific central idea that makes a point about the topic? Is it near the end/ last sentence in the introduction part of paper?

TOPIC SENTENCES:
Topic sentences are the following:
___yes__worded clearly,
__yes___name the point the writer develops in each part of the paper, and
____yes_connect the reader back to the main idea expressed in the thesis
statement.

SUPPORT:
____yes_Are supporting details specific and clear?
____yes_Is each point within each section of the paper supported with facts, examples, statistics, and/or reference to authority?
____yes_Are you convinced by the evidence provided?
__yes___Do all the supporting paragraphs work towards a purpose/ proving the thesis statement true, or
__No___Do the details seem to be a loose collection of facts with no clear connections to each other or thesis?

REFERENCES TO TEXT:
_Yes____Are direct quotations and paraphrases correctly introduced and smoothly incorporated into the text?
___Yes__Do they seem to reflect the article’s points accurately?
__No___Has the writer written borrowed information in his/her own words and have sparingly used direct quotes?
__YES___Has the writer appropriately used the MLA style for internal documentation and “Works Cited” page?
___Yes__Are there at least 5- 7 (non internet) sources used in the body of the paper and listed on the works cited page?

UNITY/COHERENCE:
___NO Does each new section of the paper open with a transition, a reference to the central idea/thesis statement, and an identification of its own point?
NO_____Does each paragraph clearly relate to and develop the central idea expressed in the thesis statement and the topic sentence?

MECHANICS/GRAMMAR/SPELLING
Does the essay contain a distracting number of these types of errors?
___NO__Spelling,
___YES_Punctuation/typos,
____YES_Verb errors (verb tense shifts or subject-verb agreement)
___NO__Pronoun reference errors,
YES Comma splice/fused sentences
__NO___Incorrect word usage of “there” and “their”
Used there to refer to location and their to refer to people and animals

Gregory Thorpe
Professor Mayock
English 101
1/23/14

The Well Known Secret Society: The Illuminati

The illuminati has been around since 1776, when it was created the main reason was to “form the intellectual and political elite of society”.(ALI) “Modern conspiracy theory claims that the term “Illuminati” is used for an elite society which allegedly became organized in order to engineer worldwide major events and control world governments and corporations from behind the scenes in order to bring in to power a new world order.” (ALI)Now if the illuminati were real, why would they have people in the entertainment industry involved, because at the end of the day they have no impact on society or any power to take over. Today, illuminati refers to a variety of secret society’s but an organizations whose secrets are known to everyone can’t be so secret.
Society has come to a conclusion that most of the government, celebrities, or just wealthy people in general have ties to the illuminati.
Many people have said Freemasons, Obama, Jay-z, even Beyoncé were members of the Illuminati of which all have claimed the accusations to be false. If you were a member of a secret society of course you would say people were lying, but why would you continue to give people a reason to believe that you were, and of course society feeds off of entertainment that’s what makes these people rich. Society has tried to ruin President Obamas name many of times with false accusations, and saying that he is apart of illuminati is one of them. “During the 2008 election there were countless allegations made against Barack Obama’s character. He was accused of being a Muslim, a Marxist, and the Antichrist himself.”(DUBE) Jay-z also has said that the rumors about him being involved with the illuminati are false, in an interview he said “It may sound a little arrogant, but I just think people can’t handle when somebody else is successful. Something has gotta be wrong; you gotta be down with some higher power. And I guess when someone else is successful, it makes you feel like maybe you’re a failure. So it can’t be you, it has to be some other
force.”(Tristan)
Society has also said that certain brotherhoods such as the freemasons, The Council on foreign relations, and The Bilderberg group were a part of the illuminati claiming they have plans to start a new world order, which were not true. The Freemasons are a brotherhood in which they are secret but the only reason they were believed to be illuminati is because Johann Weishaupt the man who started the illuminati became a free mason in 1777 and began to advocate the illuminated freemasonry. “While Freemasonry provided Weishaupt with the sort of private social networks that he needed to spread his doctrine of the Illuminati, it would also lead many to see a connection between Illuminated Freemasonry and Freemasonry as a whole—one that would place Freemasonry at the center of conspiracy theories for centuries to come.”(Heed) The Council On Foreign Relations which President Obama, is said to have plans to begin a new world order and also that the Logo of the CFR are a picture of a man holding up the illuminati sign with his hand which is false. “The Council on Foreign Relations is an independent, nonpartisan membership organization, think tank, and publisher dedicated to being a resource for its members, government officials, business executives, journalists, educators and students, civic and religious leaders, and other interested citizens in order to help them better understand the world and the foreign policy choices facing the United States and other countries.Founded in 1921, the Council takes no institutional positions on matters of policy.”(DUBE) The CFR is known to be a peaceful organization whose goal is to promote peace and diplomacy around the world which is the opposite of the antichrist. The hand sign the man is holding up also is just his thump pointing upwards and the rest of his fingers following which “no one has ever really proven that the hand signal most conspiracy theorists point to is even any “official” Illuminati hand sign”.(DUBE) The Bilderberg group in particular arouses suppositions as they meet secretly each year in order to plot out their plans for world domination. These meetings are by invitation only with each attendee being handpicked by the Bilderberger’s organizing committee.”(DUBE) If the illuminati works in secret how is it known to everyone what the Bilderbergers group is talking about in private, especially with the members being handpicked no one would really know what they talk about in their meetings.
The Illuminati is known to have many secret agendas and ways to communicate but if everyone knows what they are how are they considered secret.
Society says that we can identify people belonging to the illuminati by the hand signs, and symbols that they use. For instance the Dollar bill is known to have all sorts of symbols related to the illuminati printed on it but how do we really know where these symbols come from and what they mean. “One thing that most people do not understand is that these symbols are from ancient Egypt. They are not evil symbols and just because someone is into ancient Egyptian culture does not mean they worship the devil. To assume so is coming from a limited (usually Christian) point of view that demonizes anything and everything that does not fit within its social construct.”(ALI) The all seeing Eye that is known to be on the dollar bill is said to be one of the biggest symbols used by the illuminati. Jay-z is known to throw up the Rock-a-fella diamond because that is his record labels symbol. “Many people think Jay-Z is Illuminati because they see him with symbols such as the pyramid, the “all seeing eye”, also known as the “eye of Horus”, and also the “roc” sign Jay-Z makes with his hands which is a symbol of a diamond (or pyramid depending on who you
ask).”(Ali)
The Illuminati is just another conspiracy theory thought of by society and people who are not in the high ranks who obviously wonder what goes on. Most of the entertainment business is aware that society believes in such secret society’s so the best thing to do is make money off of the issue at hand, the more people talk about the cult and the more people who are so called involved, the more society will have to say, the more money entertainers will make. The illuminati is Fake.

Works Cited

ALI,Sharif. “Is Jay-Z Illuminati? What’s The Reason Behind All The Conspiracy About The Illuminati In The Industry?” 31 December 2014. jay-zilluminati.com. 14 January 2014. WEB.
Author, No. "A History of the Illuminati and Freemasonry." n.d. Advent Of Deception. 14 january 2014.WEB.
Dube, Ryan. "The Truth About Illuminati and Obama." 30 November 2009. Top Secret Writers. 14 january 2014.WEB.
Head, Tom. "The Illuminati: A short Timeline History." 2014. About.Com. 2014 January 16.WEB.
Illuminati. "Illuminati-Factor Fiction?/ Illuminati Secrets." 28 August 2012. eCoffeeOnline. 14 january 2014.WEB.
Tristan. "Jay-Z Responds to Illuminati Accusations." 1 November 2011. Jay-z News. 14 january 2014.WEB.