Opiela
Engwr
2.April.2013
The Perception of Death A month after my fourth birthday the most tragic event of my life took place. On February 24th of 1995, the police came to my family’s home with horrific and sudden news. A police officer told my mother that my father had been killed at the hand of another. From the perspective of my young mind, my father had suddenly vanished and would never be coming home again. He was gone forever, the man who had loved and protected my family. My father was the dominant parent in our household and the closest person to me at the time. His presence filled the room with positive air. Losing him felt like part of my being had been cut off from reality. His death triggered my own fear of dying. I have never seen my father through mature eyes; yet he has played one of the most significant and influential roles in my life. He taught me the most valuable lesson I have ever learned, that death is part of life and there is nothing to fear. When my father died I was deeply traumatized and constantly thought about death. When my mother returned to work, I was so terrified of losing her that I would cry for hours. My mind was disillusioning me to think that if my mother dies, then this would be the demise of me as well. My father’s death had brought up an immediate fear of survival on a daily basis. Fear had replaced the security my father had provided and grieving became a way of life. When I was nine, I began thinking about inventing a time machine so I could go back in time to recapture my beginning years with the man who seemed to have all of life’s answers. I was unable to sleep at night due to my constant focus upon death. I came to understand that my inner terror stemmed from my mind’s belief that I was no longer safe and secure. Fearful thoughts are one of the most detrimental threats to humanity(“The Physical And Mental Effects Of Fear”). By dwelling on the fear of dying I was creating a very negative place within me and was ultimately killing myself.
A fearful perception of death is an interception to one’s life therefore if the mind perceives death as an abandonment then one’s health begins to slowly decline. Finally understanding that my mind was causing my fear, I began to embrace my father’s life and by doing so, I felt a sense of freedom. What I’ve come to understand about this thing called ‘death’ is that it is a part of life and that love does not die when people do. Love is what connects us to life. I now see death very differently than I did as a scared little boy. I now know that my father lives within me everyday, which helps me see myself again. By intercepting my noisy and negative mind I could finally see a new reality. I realized that I have the choice to dwell on my situation from either a negative or positive perspective. I see that I am loved, safe, and secure and that I have many people who love and support me, and most importantly, I see myself as the director of my own perceptions. The glass is either half full or half empty. If I see that my glass is half empty I am going to feel fear. By seeing my glass half full I see nothing but opportunities before me. When one chooses to have an optimistic outlook of life then the person’s health is improved as a result, which is what happened to me(Gottesman). Death has taught me that I choose to live faithfully instead of fearfully. As a result of my realizations I began to actualize the spirit of my father in my daily activities, living my life in the manner that he had come to embrace. By incorporating new hobbies, those which he loved the most, whether on a tennis court or sailing the San Francisco bay, watching the sun set or the moon rise, I began to feel the life force returning within me. I was overcoming all fear of death and in this process I learned how to parent myself fully.
Death has taught me to live and to see the value in doing so. Instead of fearing death, I live life fully. Death is no longer a tragedy in my eyes. When someone close to you dies, it is not the time to feel their absence from your life because this is the direct cause of the suffering. By reconnecting with the perception of that which has been lost, one begins to fully embrace and engage in their life again. By reestablishing the close relationship with my father and his thrill for life, death was no longer my perception and therefore no longer my reality. Life is what you make of it. It’s not about the events that happen in a person’s life that matter as much as how they perceive them.
Works Cited
Gottesman, Nancy. “Are Happy People Healthier? New Reasons to Stay Positive” oprah.com O,
The Oprah Magazine, April 2013. Web 10.April.2013 http://www.oprah.com/health/How-Your-Emotions-Affect-Your-Health-and-Immune-System “The Physical And Mental Effects Of Fear” newsonhealthcare.com News on Health Care, April
2013. Web 10.April.2013. http://www.newsonhealthcare.com/the-physical-and-mental- effects-of-fear/
Cited: Gottesman, Nancy. “Are Happy People Healthier? New Reasons to Stay Positive” oprah.com O, The Oprah Magazine, April 2013. Web 10.April.2013 http://www.oprah.com/health/How-Your-Emotions-Affect-Your-Health-and-Immune-System “The Physical And Mental Effects Of Fear” newsonhealthcare.com News on Health Care, April 2013. Web 10.April.2013. http://www.newsonhealthcare.com/the-physical-and-mental- effects-of-fear/
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