Personal Narrative: Binge Eating

I paced around the room nervously to fight my urge to eat. To eat, eat and eat. To eat until my stomach is full and it feels like throwing up. That was me at the time I suffered from eating disorder, more specifically binge eating.
For a few years in my life, what I cared the most was my weight. It all started when I gained 20 pounds in high school. I got many negative remarks about my appearance after I gained weight. That led me to believe that I was unacceptably fat and ugly; I was looking myself in a distorted way. As a result, I lost weight through extreme diet and felt hungry all the time. One day I couldn’t fight back the urges. I started eating like crazy. Then, I felt miserable that I ate so much. I was devastated that I could not even control my diet.
This cycle lasted for few years. It eventually led me to gain even more weight than the 20 pounds I lost through diet. From binge eating my acne was severe, my self-esteem was down on the ground, and my family was concerned. After repeating this cycle, again and again, I finally started to gain some understanding of binge eating and the psychology behind it. How my weird obsession about diet and weight was leading me to the more negative pattern. How my idea of ideal body figure makes me binge eat more often from stress. How there is no escape from this cycle without changing my perception about