Personal Narrative: Developing Virtue Secondary School

When I was fourteen I made the jump from public school in Kuala Lumpur to attend a Buddhist boarding school in a monastic community. It's located in rural northern California, and called Developing Virtue Secondary School [DVS]. This decision was part of a promise to challenge myself academically, build my character, adhere to strict ethical and behavioral guidelines, develop myself religiously, and find service in the community. However, I failed to follow my own guidelines during Thanksgiving break last year.
Coming to DVS, I knew about the school limited Internet access and that no electronic devices were allowed. Social networks, such as Facebook, WeChat, Twitter, Google Plus, Youtube, and Pinterest, were banned in the school. It was difficult, but
I voluntarily accepted these conditions. During Thanksgiving break, most of the boarding students go home, spend time with friends, go on the internet, blow off steam, and play games.
However, coming from a moderate income family in Malaysia, I could not afford to fly home for this “one-week break.” Regardless of the break, DVS was in a monastery, home of monks and nuns, and the rules against using social media, electronic devices, and limiting internet access still applied.
Hearing news that my friends were enjoying their Thanksgiving, visiting friends, and playing the latest version of games that I had grown up with, made me jealous. I found myself thinking that I deserved a break like all of the other students who went home, I deserved the right to play games. All I had to do was download an update to a flash drive I had, and I would have a relaxing and harmless computer game that I could play right after I went back to Malaysia.” But how to access the protected computers? How to by-pass the password protections? “Oh, that is easy,” I thought to myself, “and harmless. Just a quick jaunt on a teacher’s computer. After all, she is enjoying her time off at home. I am quick at guessing passwords and by-passing firewalls anyway. I just had to make it
quick!” As soon as my games finished updating, I turned off the computer. But the light of the computer screen had caught the attention of the passing dorm teacher. When confronted with why was the screen still lit, I struggled through some lies, but they quickly sounded hollow, and I felt deeply ashamed of my own efforts to lie and hide my actions. Soon the realization that I had defeated my very purpose in coming here to DVS overwhelmed me. I confessed my actions.
After a brief discussion between the resident teachers, it was decided that my infraction had been minor and not deserving of being written up. But, it wasn’t the rules that had been violated, it was my own failure to honor the purpose of my studies that I had willingly violated.
My own efforts at excuses made me ashamed, so I requested some form of punishment. I choose to wash everyone's dishes after dinner during the break, volunteer for additional hours of community services, and to tell my friends of my mistake. I did this not in anger at myself, but in sad awareness that sometimes, I might need good friends to help bring me back to self-awareness, to remind me of what I had set as my own standards and goals. I didn't just fail the rule of the school, I failed the expectations I set for myself. By my own standards, I had stolen the access and lied.
This made me aware of my own ability to deceive myself when something attractive was dangled before me. I made me aware of the extent I could go to, to justify this behavior and made me realize that I had to be humble and aware of my behavior and forgiving of others for failings that I also had.