Personal Narrative: Great Depression

I have been raised to think or dress a certain way because that?s what family taught me. Others can agree the same. It?s not until you reach your teens is when you start to rebel or think outside of what your family has taught you. A person doesn?t even have to be in their teens to rebel. I rebelled against my family's wishes which they did not tolerate. I am half of the girl who wears all black and is all about destruction, the other half of the girl is about color and smiles. When we?re together we make the girl people see.
Carla is a part of me and my culture. She affects the way I live. Without her I wouldn?t be able make it through the ?Great Depression? as I like to call it. It was also the same time I met her. I had depression and
would rely on darkness to make me feel happy but I made myself even more sad. So Carla came around and took over for a while showing me joys of darkness. I grew a reputation of being the weird creepy one. I would take over other times and would come out of hiding once in awhile. We fight constantly in my head which would would result to headaches. It became a daily thing now but we do get along when everything is good. I have a really hard time to make a decision mostly because she makes me second guess everything. I?m far away from depression now and I?m starting to feel like she going away little at a time. However I don?t want her to leave I don?t want to be sane. Being different and people looking at you like your crazy is the best feeling I ever felt.
We have different interests that set us apart. Carla is the type of person who would say something morbid then laugh at it, and I would hit her with a brick because it isn?t a laughing matter. She appreciates Hitler and has an interest on 9/11. She could careless of the world and burn down with it. Furnerals is like a circus show for her, and wants to become a mortician. I ,however, don?t I would like to be a nurse and help the needy or become an accountant cause I?m good with math. I support equality for all Carla doesn?t.
My choice of dress is all black. That was Carla?s choice of course. It represents the?Great Depression? and how me and her so called ?met?. Also it?s the only color I can pull off. I?m intrigued with grunge fashion though but I don?t think I have the body type for that. My parents are christian so I do have a limit on what I wear. My father is more laid back so I get free passes now and then.
Problems always arise when people are passionate about their culture. For me it?s religion. Since my parents are religious I get forced to go to church whether I like it or not. If I?m in school I use the I have homework card so I can?t go. It may or may not work depending the situation. I don?t like christianity or christians at all. Some christians are ok but some of them are insane. I?ve saw many pictures where there is a child with bruises and the caption states that they parents killed or abused them for not believing. To me that is the craziest thing in the world to me.The reason they kill their children is because they heard ?God?s? voice. Why? Apparently religion can be a bigger priority than family amazing. I question my religious beliefs when I was 13. Which was one of the many causes that lead to the ?Great Depression?. I did some research about what other types of religion and at first Wiccan caught my attention. I was into it for about one and a half years. I really didn?t think it was for me so I did more research and that?s when I found Satanism. Carla took advantage of this to strike fear into people even though it says not to do that since it already has a bad name.
My religion is the enemy of my parents religion.
Since both religion have different standards and practices it causes fight between me and my parents. They don?t fully know anything because I don?t say anything and I would like to keep it that way despite the way it causes a lack of communication. My mom would kill me if she knew, so until she dies there won?t be any rituals or demon summonings.
Another common problem would be my gender and sexuality. Since my mother is mexican she wants me to get married and have kids. She constantly pushes me saying you're a female and you're supposed to do this. I don?t see that happening in my life at all.My gender is one of my least priorites. I don?t care what pronoun is used to describe me. When filling in applications I would select female because that's how I was born. At one point I dress more masculine let?s just say mom didn?t approve and I had to wear a dress to school the next day.
A person goes through change all the time it can be good or bad. Ever since Satanism came to my attention I definitely had a different view on the world. I saw that if one is stupid that that person can easily be manipulated. As for the arrogant can be cured by knowledge. I was also told you must not say your opinions or problems to someone if they don?t want to hear it. If only everyone followed this rule. I?ve noticed people say their thoughts when they?re not wanted and it?s annoying. Which is why I don?t like debating it?s
pointless.
Throughout my life I?ve learned I?m a weird too faced thing that is a satanic witch. When the book closes in the end I don?t care of what others think of me, although it may anger me at times, I?m happy with what I am and if being who I am costs my life then so be it. Just like Jeremy Limn said ?I like being insane, because I do not to be sane like everyone else?. So stop fighting your demons and join them.