Personal Narrative: I Am A Radiological Technician

I AM A SURVIVOR

We all have dreams of making a better life for ourselves. My dream is to become

the first person in my family to get a college education. I want desperately to become a

Radiological Technician. This goal may not seem like a big deal to some people but for

me it would be a way out of my oppressive heritage. In my family, the highest level of

education is barely a high school diploma .This is not because my family is not intelligent

enough to get a high school diploma or a college degree, but growing up in a home with

only one parent, we didn't have a lot of resources. I would like to put an end to this

vicious cycle and to prove to my family, my children, and myself that it can be done.

However, life has taken me down a path
filled with obstacles. These obstacles have at

times caused me to become discouraged and frustrated in my quest to better myself.How-

ever, they have also made me into the strong, courageous, and determined woman that I

am today.

The first obstacle that I had to overcome was my family. I come from a large

Italian-Catholic family. There are seven of us, and I am the baby. Four boys and three

girls. My mother, who by the time she had me, was forty and worn out, and was tired of

kids. Therefore, she neglected me. In addition, she was not a very affectionate person.

There were no hugs and kisses, nor any words of encouragement. However, in her

defense, she had endured a lot by the time I was born. She had no education, her marriage

to my father had failed because he was emotionally and physically abusive. He also did

not support the family financially, so mom had to shoulder this burden on her own. She

worked the graveyard shift at a nursing home as a nursing assistant. So, needless to say

she slept all day and I had to basically care for myself. My siblings, because they are all

older than me, were either at school or their job and too busy to worry about me.

Sundays, were the only good days. This was family day. We went to mass in the

morning and mom would spend all day cooking a big meal, which usually consisted of

pasta. Although, it was family day, it sure was not a day of love. My siblings would take

the time to fight among themselves and subsequently, torture me. The only part of the

day I really enjoyed was mass.
I loved the smells of the incense, and the sounds of the

organs. I loved the feeling of peace, and I would get the strength I needed to survive

another week with my family.

The next obstacle was school. When I started, I did not know what to expect.

I had no idea who I was or what to expect. Living with all the negativity, lack of parental

guidance, and lack of love, had made a huge impact on my self-concept as an individual,

I did not have one. Furthermore, because I was not raised in a positive environment with

sensitive and loving caregivers, I had no basic trust. I was petrified of everyone and ever-

ything. My world was all about fear. Consequently, I had no self-esteem and latched

myself onto the "wrong crowd". In seventh grade, I started smoking and drinking. I was

only thirteen, and I thought I was cool. It was the beginning of the end for me. I did not

realize this until years later, but I was trying to cure myself; I was self-medicating. When

I was drunk, I felt good about myself. Then, I had all the self-esteem I needed. Most

importantly, I had friends who cared about me. I did not have to worry about
them

judging me, or ignoring me, they liked to hang-out with me. However, I knew that if I

stayed on this path, I would end up exactly like my family; poor and un-educated. I was

at the point that I did not care though. This was the first time in my life that I felt good

about myself. I was not too concerned with the fact that it was not the right path.

The day I turned sixteen, I quit school. Yes, just like my mother and five of my

siblings.( Only one of us had actually graduated from high school and as soon as he did

joined the Air Force and left). I wanted to do the same thing but did not have the courage.

I was afraid to give up the alcohol and the drugs because I knew as soon as I did all the

old negative feelings and thoughts would come back, and I would not be good enough

again. My mom still worked the graveyard shift at the nursing home and still did not pay

too much attention to what I did. My siblings had their own families, and still did not

have anytime for me. I was still on my own! The only people who cared about me were

my friends. I could count on them, and the alcohol and the drugs to be there for me. Then

one tragic accident would give me the strength and the courage to break free.

In July of nineteen eighty nine, when I was seventeen years old, my friends and

I made plans to meet up at our usual hang out. (A bar on the east side of town). Even

though we were all under age, this place was more concerned with making money than

checking IDS. It was about ten o'clock at night when we all met, and we had our usual

night of drinking and smoking weed. At about two o'clock in the morning, the bar closed,

and we all went our separate ways. The next morning, I woke up to the sound of my

stereo. The radio station was in the middle of a newsbreak, and newscaster was talking

about a fatal car accident that had occurred that morning, involving a teenager. The next

thing I recall was racing to the phone. Without knowing the reason why, I was trying to

call on my friends, because I just had a "feeling" that it was one of us. Sadly it was one of

us. It was Tony, the only one of us, who owned a car. After we left the bar that night,

Tony, got into his car and attempted to drive home. The police spotted him on the road,

and we can only assume he was driving erratically, and they tried to pull him over.

Instead of pulling over, Tony attempted to outrun them, and led the police on a high

speed chase through the city. Eventually, he lost control of the car and wrapped it around

a tree. According to the coroners report, he died on impact. Unfortunately, this tragic

accident of my friend, was the wake up call I needed. I knew that if I did not get back on

the right path, I would end up the same way.

Not only was Tony's death the wake up call I needed, his funeral was the key for

me. It reminded me of the peace that I once felt as a child when I went to mass. In

addition, it gave me the strength that I would need to face the demons and get my life

back on track. I knew that my faith in God would give me all the courage and strength

I needed to get back to my dream.

I needed a new beginning. I stopped drinking and doing drugs and went back to

school. I was not able to enroll back in my high school, but I was able to enroll in a

program at the YWCA so that I could get my GED. I also found a job and went through

a training program to become a Certified Nursing Assistant and planned on attending

nursing school. Then, I met my husband. I could not believe that I could actually meet

someone who loved me as much as he did/does and wanted to spend his life with me. The

only problem, he had enlisted in the army and his duty station was in another state. So

again, I was faced with another obstacle, but this time it was a "GOOD" one. This

obstacle, instead of making me miserable, would make me happy. Although, I still had

a choice to make, education or love. I chose love. I had never experienced love in my life,

so when I had the chance, I took it. I was determined to have an education, but I was also

determined to have love.

We married in December, nineteen ninety-one, and moved to Oklahoma. Within

the first year of our marriage our son was born. Right after my son's birth, we received

orders for Germany. While in Germany, my daughter was born. I still wanted to pursue

my dream but I also wanted to be a mother to my children. I did not want them to have

the childhood that I did. I wanted my children to know love. The past fourteen years has

been focused on my children and family. My children have known love everyday of their

lives. Now that I have made sure my children are well adjusted and happy, I can focus

my attention back on education and achieve my dream.

We all have dreams, and we all have obstacles, the important thing is to overcome

the obstacles and never lose sight of the dreams. All the obstacles that I have overcome in

my life have taught me to be a survivor. They have given me courage, strength, and the

determination to continue going after my dream, and to be the best that I can be.