Personal Narrative: I Walk Without A Cane

For ten years Mike could not walk without a cane. Seeing a young man in his twenties hobble around with a cane regularly elicited questions from strangers in public. Mike was always polite and answered their questions, preferring to keep the answer short – "I was injured in the military". This inevitably lead to this stranger thanking Mike for his military service and, more often than not, further questions. Though initially, I didn't see the nearly indiscernible cringe, as I witnessed this interaction more and more over the years I spotted how uncomfortable it makes him. Mike was injured in the military, and he was deployed in Iraq, but he was already injured when he arrived in the combat zone. Not every soldier's story is the Hollywood
version. Many soldiers return from War without firing their weapon for more than training exercises. And many of them, like Mike, see this lack of direct combat experience as a failure.
Mike enlisted in the Army when he was 19 and at a "very rough point" in his life. He had dropped out of high school when he aged out of the foster-care system. When he found out his girlfriend was pregnant he knew he had limited options to take care of her and the new baby, he contacted a recruiter who offered to pay for his GED so he could enlist. After getting his ASVAB scores Mike said he "found out that, even without a college degree, I could pursue my dream of working with computers and get to shoot guns at the same time." Once he enlisted he was hooked. He had aspirations to make the military a career. He wanted to "become airborne, join air assault, get sniper certified, and join the communications division of the Rangers." Unfortunately for Mike, his dreams were dashed fairly early in his military career.
Mike was initially injured in AIT School, less than 2 months into his enlistment in the Army. Mike was at Fort Gordon in Georgia, setting up for a training exercise. As Mike describes it: "It was early in the morning and ridiculously cold. I was lucky enough to get one of the radio shelters that had 2 heaters in it, so I cranked them up to max, setup all of my equipment, and began waiting for everyone else to get their equipment set up. The next thing I knew, I was waking up and all of my equipment was turned off and I could feel a cold breeze behind me. I then heard the sergeant say "Did you have a nice nap private?" and, since he was joking around with us all morning, I responded with "Well, I was..." but before I could finish, he began shouting "Get the fuck out of that shelter private!" and he yanked me out of the shelter." Like most military personnel who screw up in training, he was "smoked" for his misbehavior. He was forced to do flutter kicks, leg lifts and "Iron Mikes" for longer than his body could handle. When he woke the next morning his leg gave out heading down the stairs. He had to be carried to the medical center where he was put on crutches for a "severely strained muscle and a sprained knee." Three weeks later he was sent to Fort Bragg for assignment to his unit.
Nothing was broken, there was no gash or scar or clearly visible sign of injury aside from the crutches. When he reported to his temporary unit that he was unable to perform physical training due to his medical condition he was told to "stop being a pussy" and sent to PT anyway. Mike was forced to run five miles and do more Iron Mikes up a large hill. "By the time I finished running up the hill, my leg began twitching really bad and I couldn't bear weight on it and kept falling down." He was again carried to the clinic and given a new profile (basically medical jargon for a doctor's note) and informed he'd probably need to be on crutches for at least six more months. Three days later he received his permanent assignment to the 327th Signal Brigade and was told they would deploy in three weeks. Despite the recommendation from medical staff that Mike remain behind in a rear detachment, he was deployed with his unit to Iraq. Mike's new unit was attached to the 82nd Airborne unit which had experienced huge casualties as they were in the first wave of soldiers into Fallujah. Wobbly or not, they weren't leaving a man behind who wasn't in a hospital bed.
Mike was deployed to Iraq with the 82nd in 2004, during the end of Operation Iraqi Freedom and the beginning of Operation Enduring Freedom. He arrived walking on crutches and with a weight limit that restricted him from wearing all of his gear. Most notably, he wasn't able to wear his bullet-proof vest or carry ammunition for his weapon. When asked what he did while deployed, Mike responded: "When command was feeling nice, I was on jobs such as gate duty and working in the MWR (Morale, Welfare, and Recreation) tent where I could rest my leg and heal but usually that was not the case and I was assigned to grounds clean up." After spending weeks using crutches that were ineffective walking on the sandy, unstable ground, he found himself unable to walk and being carried to medical services again. He was sent to Germany for treatment as the "medical tent run by the Airforce was almost always packed since there were only like 10 beds." After a few weeks in Germany, he was sent back to Iraq. This time with a shiny new cane, the same 10-pound weight restriction, and instructions not to be on his feet for more than 15 minutes every hour.
Mike's last unit in Iraq was again unsympathetic to his condition.
After being assigned to grounds clean up and fence duty (walking the fence line around the base) he spoke with his commander about his profile. She informed him "the profile was just the doctor's recommendation and they had final say." She then assigned him to grounds cleanup "until further notice." Mike was in constant pain at this point and his leg had begun twitching uncontrollably. He was unable to eat and managed to lose 30 pounds since arriving in Iraq. Three weeks after returning to Iraq from Germany, the medical staff was finally able to convince base command to send him back to the
states.
Back at Fort Bragg was finally given a desk job.
Convinced he would be given time to heal and return to Iraq to support his unit, he began to regain some hope. Unfortunately, when his command became aware he was still seeking medical treatment, and as Mike puts it "worried he may attempt to file for a medical discharge," he was ambushed. He had a meeting with the Company Commander, Company First Sergeant, Brigade Commander, Base Commander and the Post General. They presented him with two options – sign a discharge for other physical or mental conditions not equal to a disability or risk a dishonorable discharge. Mike took the honorable discharge and shortly after returning to Washington, began a 10-year battle to receive adequate treatment from the VA Medical system for permanent nerve damage caused by repeated and prolonged
injury.
Despite what most would consider poor treatment from the Army and the VA, Mike says he would still reenlist now if they would take him. He feels strongly that he was not able to "complete his mission" in the Army and regrets his inability to participate in battle. He takes little pride in his volunteering to enlist to help his country in a time of war since he feels he didn't truly "serve". So for Mike, there are mostly negative emotions drawn up when strangers thank him for his service. He says, "Almost every time someone says that it leads to ‘So how did you get hurt? Did you watch people die? Did you kill anyone?' and similar questions, even when I tell people I do not want to talk about it." Most importantly, though, is his assumption that somehow if he was not injured he could have saved some of his brothers in arms. Mike says, still visibly upset 12 years later, "Instead of getting to fight, I got to watch as my friends died and I wasn't there to help defend them when they needed me."