Personal Narrative: Identifying My Heritage

As I get older it is becoming more important for me to be able to identify what my heritage is. Growing up in a blended family and not knowing my father until I was in my 30’s and losing him just a few years ago has left me with a feeling of the unknown. This isn’t the first time I have been asked to identify my heritage and once again I try to figure out how to identify myself, without any thoughts on where to begin. To not know where you come from or what your family blood line, is a feeling of sadness. I so badly want to have a connection to my past. Upon getting the syllabus for this course I reached out to my Uncle on my father’s side and started the process of trying to figure out just where my family comes from. On my father’s
side we are Irish, English, Dutch and Welch. Apparently the maiden name of my great grandmother is Ghetts which is a German name; however, the family believes that they were Jewish living in Germany. Some answers, but nothing concrete. It seemed to be the same for my mother’s side of the family. When I asked her about our heritage, she stated, “We are Heinz 57.” Apparently our blood line is so mixed that nothing is prominent anymore. I feel disconnected and I need more answers. In order to get those answers, I recently invested in Ancestry DNA and am awaiting my kit to come and soon I will have a print out of exactly what I am and what percent of each. I truly am for the first time in my life going to know what my heritage is. I am so hopeful to learn about my heritage in a way that was not possible before. More so, I am so happy I will be able to tell my children what their blood line is and they will never have to go through life not knowing about their family history. So when we talk about family and I look into what the core values of my family has compared to my upbringing I get a smile on my face when I see the connections.
Growing up in a home that valued family as whole including aunts, uncles, and many many cousins I feel blessed to remember many aspects of my childhood. There were so many of us, coming from a family with 13 aunts and uncles and 30+ first cousins, living in a small town, some would call us a tribe. One of my favorite memories that instilled a lot of value in our family was the Sunday dinners at grandmas after church. Gathering together and spending that time together laughing, playing, and with my grandparents were some of the greatest moments of my childhood. Today I try to instill that same family time, those same memories of coming together and sharing a meal, providing a safe place for the family to gather and be together. The dinners are far and fewer between as life gets busy; but the family dinners are still
there.
Times were simpler when I was a kid, there were no electronics so what I see is that kids are consumed with internet and video games that they miss out on the bonding that I got with my brother and cousins. Creating worlds of imagination is something my children only get a glimpse of, and only when we demand the electronics to be put away and for them to go out and enjoy each other’s company. It makes me sad how our family values have changed in that aspect. Family time isn’t nearly a top priority as it was when I was a kid.
As a child it was important that we spent time together, not just for fun, but quality time as family, every day, eating and getting fed spiritually. When I grew up we had to be home by dinner, we prayed together as a family and we went to church every Sunday; even if we spent the night somewhere; it was known in our house that you would attend church on Sunday unless you were sick. And even then, it was hard to get out of it. I didn’t realize it then what all that church was doing to me as a human being; yet even now that I know, I don’t take my kids to church very often.
It just seems that today the core values we have within our family are work ethic, commitment and independence. We have to work in order to provide and it consumes a lot of time. It’s important for my children to understand the importance of doing a job and doing it well; as long as you do your best, and put 100% effort into it, then you have been successful. Part of putting your effort into something, you have to make the commitment too.
If you commit to something, then it’s as good as considered done; your word is your integrity, and if you tell someone you are going to do something then you follow through all the way until the end. I don’t make commitments I can’t keep and it’s important that my children hold this as a value within themselves. Even with one another as siblings it’s so important to me to that they come through, it shows loyalty and trust.
With values, the list can really go on and on, I value independence. I think in a world that is so dependent on others it’s important for my children to know that they are capable of doing things on their own, and ultimately being independent is an asset. It’s beautiful when my children push through and complete a task that they started on their own without the need for mom or dad to come save the day. It gives them a sense of accomplishment and it’s teaching them that they don’t have to depend on anybody. Ultimately they are responsible for themselves and having others to help is nice and appreciated, but not necessary.
It seems that strong family values was common in the interview I participated in this week; learning to survive and create a life that is independent, successful and meaningful is what stood out to me.
I was raised to love and help those around me and during the interview that is something that was discussed a lot. I met Asima, a Bosnian woman who came to America when she was 29 years old and she truly was an inspiration. She talked about the vast difference in culture when it comes to family and community. She said that in Bosnia, everyone is family, even neighbors. That everyone looks out for one another. That people don’t go without because if your neighbor is in need then as a community they would come together and help. She said that was the hardest part about being
here.
However, I grew up in a small town and that is how it was. I remember taking food to families and having food brought to our family by other people in the community for reasons of illness, death, celebration and for community. I have yet to see any of my elders be put in nursing homes or adult care homes because we take care of one another. Asima stated, “We don’t put parents in homes” and “There is no such thing as foster parents” “If a neighbor is sick, we take care of each other.” She said, “Family takes care of family until death.” I too believe this way and was raised in a family that has lived by the same values.
Asima was a survivor and I could relate to her on many levels of the meaning of life. Wanting what’s best for our children, for our families and for our communities. Working hard and providing, being independent and making sure that we treat others with love and compassion. It was truly an honor to meet her and I wish that she could see in herself what I saw in only sitting with her for an a couple of hours. She has strength and has accomplished so much when the odds were not in her favor.
In closing, I am on a path to truly find out where my blood line lies, how I can learn from knowing that to better my spirit and truly find answers. I can continue to lead by example when it comes to my children; show them that hard work and dedication does pay off and that I can do this with or without anybody’s help. In addition, continue to strive to them that they act in love and kindness with everyone they meet. To never treat another human being indifferently because they are not the same as them.