Personal Narrative On Abortion

This was not a normal day; my mind knew it and so did my thin pale body. I had a sick awful uneasy feeling in my stomach. The day had come that I talked to my doctors about the daunting IFV. For many months, I couldn’t keep my mind in one place, ideas were always flying around and I would always struggle to catch them. I had just turned the big 4 0 and decided I had to do something before it was too late. My hair has started becoming multi-coloured, my face is starting to crack, my skin doesn’t stick as much as it used to. My body is aging faster than I can control, soon I will be an old grannie on a rocking chair.

The feeling of knowing that if I conceived that my baby would be sick and eventually die made my eyes well up. Yet all I ever
Would he be okay with me doing it? I feel like I might be playing him, like I’m cheating in a game of cards. It’s just so hard when you want something so bad, you do what you can to try make it work. My morals are really struggling with it, like is getting rid of the others embryos with the disease, abortion? Will God be mad at me when judgement day finally takes place? I feel like a mother lion searching for its cub, it’s what I want and without that little ‘cub’ I’m not my true self. Surely God would understand, and I’m sure he can see how badly I want a child and forgive me. Although, I still feel like I have a cloud of guilt hovering over
“Yes, just upset about how hard this is” I continue “you do know it’s not always successful right?”
“Yeah, I guess I knew” Harry pauses “But who really cares, what have we got to lose” he chirps with confidence.
He made a valid point, what did I have to lose, yes lots of money. But isn’t a child more important? What if I actually fell pregnant and the child was healthy, I would be a ray of sunshine.

My whole life I was called the “mother” of the family, patching my half ripped younger brothers up, giving giant hugs and kisses, I was told my nature was just ‘made’ to be a mother. I have to be a mother! I have to fall pregnant and put all my negative thoughts aside, I need to hold my baby in my arms. I feel empty without a child, like a piece of the puzzle is missing.

“Let’s do it Harry! I think I’m ready to do it” I get excited just thinking about my child, my beautiful child. I feel a presence of reassurance over my body, like this is what’s meant to happen. I no longer feel sick, I now feel calm and free of nerves. I am ready to take the next step in the big staircase of life.

“Mrs Smith, the Doctor will see you now” the nurse