Personal Narrative: The Parrot

The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and doing anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally John had had enough. In exasperation one day, he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. He shook his fist at the parrot, but the parrot just got angrier and even ruder.
In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arm and said:
“I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued:
“May I ask what the chicken did?”
Plant
Bob and Pete had applied for jobs at a large company, and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them said the test was a breeze, except they were confused by the last question.
"Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant?"
"How did you answer that one?" asked Bob.
"I thought it was tough at first….then I thought of superintendent.,'
"I think I got it right too" said Pete. "But I wrote down
horticulturist."
Two Horses
There was a farmer who had two horses.
The farmer couldn’t tell his two horses apart so he decided to ask his neighbour to help him out.

He went over to his neighbour’s farm "I have two horses, they’re both mares, and I can’t tell apart, can you help me?"

"Sure," said his neighbour, "Maybe you should nick one of their ears then you can tell them apart."

So, the farmer went home and did that. The next day the farmer went to check on his horses but he couldn’t tell them apart because the other horse had nicked its ear also.

So, he went back over to his neighbour’s. "My other horse has a nicked ear now too. Do you have any other ideas how to tell them apart?

"Hmmmm." thought his neighbour, "Cut one’s tail shorter than the other."

So, the farmer went home and did that. The next day, though, both horses had the same length of tail. So the farmer, tired of walking to his neighbour’s house decided to call instead.

"I see," said the neighbor after the farmer told him about how both of the tails were the same, "Try measuring them, maybe one is taller than the other."

So the farmer did that then rushed back into his house, phoned his neighbour and said to him "You were right!! The black horse is bigger than the white one."