perspective on sex

Perspectives on Sexuality
Kathy L. Short
309
September 13, 2014

Abstract
How do we explain sexuality from God's stand point, when we talk with teens, taming our own desires, and the sexual challenges that face us all? This paper will take you through the four different elements that will guide to a greater understanding of human sexuality, of what God has in store for us. God gave mankind the ability to have sex; his commandments are clear on how to become one with him. Sex is not only for a few moments of pleasure, but a way for husband and wife to become one with God. I intend to explain to you the important benefits you will receive though intimacy, how and why one should abstain from sex until marriage, and how to develop the intimacy back into the marriage.

Where does real intimacy come from and how can we build the intimacy with another person we desire? The meaning behind intimacy is finding someone to be close to that they we may find interesting. In the theology of love, intimacy is finding someone who you are willing to let everything go to find a special kind love that can be graced by God. Clark described Agape as the love for a person, someone you are willing to commit your heart and soul to, based on how you care for that one person, a forever lasting love, the complete willingness to change how you feel just to be with that other person (Clark). By intimacy we are allowing our own self to be seen by another, without regard to what or how we feel, but real intimacy starts when another person connects with your heart, and soul. According to the dictionary intimacy is defined as a close reunion or a combination of elements that connect together to make one (Dictionary.com). Above all you may think that sex makes a relationship, yet it is only the intimate form of the expression, sex is not intimacy only the physical form of intimacy. At the same time the relationship is new, the couple prefers to spend time together to communicate emotional feelings, they may begin to hold hands as a way of physical touch, and they will date, discuss intellectual issues, they may pray together, and come to a term of how far of a commitment they may wish to carry out (Clark). First of all when the couple marries, they have decided to base their relationship on mutually shared covenant commitment and to consummate their relationship in a sexual union (Balswick, 2008 pg. 147). However, act between two married people is spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and the physical aspect of their relationship (Balswick, 2008). In the eyes of God their union of husband and wife is graced with God’s love, since God has created mankind to know one another, just as Adam and Eve.
God gave mankind the ability to become intimate with another, and is graced by Him. Beneficial effects for a person’s well-being, is the feeling of undefined love between two people, with women it is the love she sees in the eyes of her husband, and the ability to discuss anything with her husband without fear. For the man he shall see his beloved, and hold her to him, yet be allowed to communicate all of his fears, and intentions that he has unafraid of reticule. The benefit of welling being can also be that you have now found the soul mate for you that were preordained by God to give the couple a closer relationship with them, and God. Likewise the purpose of abstinence before marriage in Christianity is something the person must decide for themselves (Balswick, 2008 pg.146). throughout the Bible, God tells us to be pure of heart and soul, when we have sex before marriage as in 1 Corinthian 6:15-7 Paul reminds mankind that when we come from two bodies and become becoming one flesh, it is similar to uniting oneself with God, and making a union, ever though the couple does not plan to wed (Balswick, 2008 pg.147). Premarital sex is defined as sex between two unmarried people who do not share a mutual covenant commitment. In the Bible, God defines premarital sex as fornication or sexual immorality, since the act of sex seals the union, whether or not the couple marries (Balswick, 2008 pg.147).
Wherefore, when a couple enters into an agreement that they will not have sexually relations before marriage, they understand the Chasity that they must go beyond the “letter of the law”. Restraint from premarital sex, according to Buckner and Bearman decreased the chance of sexual transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancy (Balswick, 2008 pg.146). Whereas, refraining from sex before marriage minimizes the sins of the person, and leads them to God. When we yield to the temptations that pull us from the direction of God, we will start down the path that only leads to the destruction of sexual behaviors (Balswick, 2008 pg. 158). With the attention turning to elements that determine if one is practicing healthy sexuality usually takes us deeper into the person themselves.
Whereas, one who practices a healthy sexuality does not use sex as a substitute for their own emotional needs (Balswick, 2008 pg. 152) thus, this will only complicate the persons Christian thoughts. Overall, a person reserve the right to always be allowed to say “no” to their partner, having the strength and ego to say no to anyone who approaches them for sex without feeling obligated to anyone (Balswick, 2008 pg. 152). Ordinarily married couple will have sex for pleasure alone, not only to procreate, and feel closer to God. Meanwhile the single person should refrain from sexual interactions, avoid using pornographic material, since pornographic material gives the male an illusion of what the female body should look like. For instance, Gods words Jude 1:7. In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire. The use of pornographic materials, the internet, and late night skin shows are all immoral ways that do not constitute a healthy sexuality in mankind, but the path to damnation. Whereas, a person who practices unhealthy sexuality will seek out sex for pleasure only, not caring that the seal on the union just made is false (Balswick, 2008 pg. 154). Although this person may feel that they are in love, it is not looking or caring of the other’s needs. Therefore, their belief system or core beliefs are mistaken by hormones alone. However, do not have sex for the sake of sex being only body pleasure, it may bring a few minutes of orgasmic sensation, however, it is devoid of relation meaning (Balswick, 2008 pg.154).
Throughout marriage the marriage it may be lose its appeal becoming stagnated or less interesting (Hart) Dr. Catherine Hart Weber describes it as men and women each have different ideas about sexual images (Hart-Weber). Whereas, women wants romance, and to talk, men only want one thing sex. Yet, women may start to see themselves as overweight, suffer from depression, and develop low self-esteem. However, ways to prevent loss of intimacy in the relationship is to discuss anything that is bothering the couple. Whereas, Pastor Chris Adams speaks of how a difficulty separating values and mindset between the couple, this is a time where communication is vital (Adams). Some steps that may be useful in keeping intimacy in a relationship are communication, expression of emotions of partners, romance, and the man telling the woman how beautiful she is. Although, not all people feel comfortable with expressions of their emotions, explaining this to the other will open new doors to explore. In conclusion, God did intend for mankind to come together as one flesh, only after marriage. Yet keeping intimacy in a relationship that is absent of sex give us the basic human need of skin to skin contact (Balswick, 2008 pg.155) however, this does not mean that in the beginning of the relationship sex is necessary. Only when two people who deeply love one another, and marry, can they truly become one in the eyes of God. As in Gods words, Proverbs 5:18-19 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in love with her. Reference

Balswick, J. K., & Balswick, J. O. (2008). Sexuality and Singleness & Premarital Cohabitation. In Authentic Human Sexuality An Intergraded Christian Approach (2nd ed., pp. 139-164). Downer Grove, IL: IVP Academic.
Bible Sex Facts: Selected Verses that Relate to Human Sexual Behavior. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.diskbooks.org/bsex.html
Clark, C. (n.d.). Teens & Sex Drive [Video file]. Retrieved from http://http://learn.liberty.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_97126_1%26url%3D
Jones, S. (n.d.). Sex Education Taking to Kids about Sex. Retrieved from http://learn.liberty.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=/webapps/blackboard/execute/courseMain?course_id=_97126_1