Quotes From The Article 'Shutting Shame Down'

“To feel shame is to be human.” This powerful quote from the article, “Shutting Shame Down” stopped me and made me think about the impact of shame in my life. The quote also made me think about how far the human race has fallen since creation. Over time, through sin, the human race has become used to feeling shamed and shameful; shame is a normal thing that everyone experiences. However, this was not how life was supposed to be. In the beginning God created everything and He saw that it was good. Now I cannot help but think what He sees when He looks down at us – it cannot be good.
When I was 16, I started my first job. I was so thrilled. On my first day of work I went in feeling hopeful, happy, adult-like; however, just a few months later I was left a helpless and broken little girl. I had been sexually abused. The hurt and shame that overcame me is unexplainable. I felt hurt and betrayed by a world that was not supposed to be this way and my life was forever changed. In the article, “Shutting Shame Down” it explains shame as an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” After I had been sexually
abused by a man 30 years my senior, I felt worthless. Shame is a powerful influence in a person’s life. It helps shape a person’s thoughts, decisions, and ultimately their character.
In class, we talked about sexual abuse and how it is the most painful, devastating types of abuse a person can go through.
Sexual abuse not only has consequences physically, but also emotionally and mentally. It also has long-term consequences for the adolescent’s later intimate relationships and parenting abilities. With all this in mind, it is incredibly hard to understand how someone, anyone can abuse another human without feeling repugnant. I also learned in class that all addictions begin with pain and being abused, whether emotionally, physically, verbally or sexually, can lead to being addicted to some addictive agent that causes pain relief. With a report of child abuse being made every ten seconds, it is easy to see why so many people turn to alcohol and drugs to relieve their
pain.
Although, so many people turn to drugs and alcohol for relief from the pain, we do not have to turn to alcohol or drugs to manage the pain. The article mentioned above gave some simple, yet effective tools to use when feeling shameful. It is called resilience; “by cultivating resiliency we can interrupt this negative emotional loop.” The article gave three practical steps to follow to overcome the vicious cycle of shame. The first step was to recognize when you are starting to shame yourself and to stop that downwards cycle. The next step was to share. Share with someone who is a trusted friend or family and gain his or her empathy because empathy is a powerful antidote to shame. The final step was to build self-compassion “And part of the process of cultivating worthiness is through self-compassion — treating ourselves the way we treat other people we love and respect.”
I tried doing these three simple steps for a week and the results were amazing. I felt better about myself, others, and life in general. With all the shame pressing down on my life, it was hard to see how much it really impacted my life. However, when I began watching for it and taking care of it I began to realize how much it did affect me and I resolved to change it, because I want to enjoy my life.