Once upon a time there was a lady. She was a coloured lady, in a red jacket. The jacket probably came from a thrift store, because it wasn’t a very fancy jacket. The lady though, is the focal point of my story, more so than the jacket. This is my thesis statement. See, the lady was afraid of cameras. The flashes caused her pupils to dilate, her head to twitch, and her mind to explode… Well, the last one’s false, but it sounded like a decent additive to the story. So anyways, one day, which I nicknamed Fateful Tuesday, she was taking a stroll through the park. But this time, it wasn’t just any leisurely stroll. Suddenly she was abducted by Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves abducted her, because he was feeling sad and lonely while sitting by himself on a bench in the park. He didn’t actually intend on abducting her though. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her over to the bench for some company. She didn’t like that though. In fact, she hated it. She hated it so much; she kicked and screamed, then proceeded to take out her rape whistle. She blew into it quite hard, actually. If you were there, you’d understand how hard I’m talking about. Anyhoo, this caught the attention of the police, which then came over to thwart Keanu’s plans, whatever they were. At that very moment, right before Discher apprehended him, Mr. Reeves took it upon himself to football tackle Ms. Redjacketfromathriftstore, and run off. He took her to his limo, still parked outside. Shouting “Go, go, go!”, the limo pulled off in haste, leaving Discher in the dust. Driving for a few hours, they arrived at Keanu’s place in New Jersey. Apparently, New Jersey has no left turns, but I think that’s false. Mr. Reeves asked his driver to play the theme song from the telly show ‘The Sopranos’ while driving over the Commodore Barry Bridge, and put his arm around Ms. Redjacketfromathriftstore. She didn’t quite like that, honestly, I was there. He offered her a drink, still humming the ‘Sopranos’…