Relationships In Theodore Twonbly's Film 'Her'

Theodore Twonbly (Theo) is a very successful writer who is dealing with the confusion, regret, and helplessness of a failed marriage. The movie “Her” describes Theo’s new and unique relationship that he has formed with Samantha, a computer operating system. Throughout the movie, the couple develops their relationship by working through their differences and avoiding criticism from the surrounding society. Although the romance is diverse, it still progresses through the same growth stages of a traditional relationship and has the ability to teach us similar lessons about life. The beginning of the relationship was sparked by Theo’s fascination in Samantha’s abilities. Initially, Samantha helped Theo organize his calendar, emails, and other work-related
material. Samantha took things a step further by setting him up on a date when she realized Theo was looking for a new relationship. The first growth stage in a relationship is “individuality”, which involves understanding others needs and goals (Wood, 2010, p. 315). Samantha recognized Theo’s particular needs and did her best to accommodate him with a compatible partner. After the date did not go well, you could sense that Theo was starting to shy away from human relationships because nothing was going to replace his ex-wife. Lying in bed Theo told Samantha, “I think I've felt everything I'm going to feel” (Jonze, 2013). Samantha consoles him and begins to share her problems with Theo, this gives him the idea that she is real and can also feel emotion. In the heat of the moment, Samantha encourages Theo to talk sexually with her. This aligns with the second growth stage called “invitational communication” which indicates that an individual wants to interact romantically (Wood, 2010, p. 316). After that night, Theo indicates that he is becoming closer with Samantha as they play video games together and go on a date to the fair. The two seem to be very compatible and their emotions seem to mimic a typical human relationship. One afternoon, Theo tells Samantha that he doesn't want to commit to anything and she fires back saying that maybe she doesn't want to commit either. The two were experiencing the third growth stage of a relationship, “explorational communication”, which evaluates seriousness and reduces uncertainty (Wood, 2010, p. 317). The interaction seems to keep Theo interested in Samantha and soon after the two progress into a true relationship. The fourth growth stage is “intensifying communication” which is the beginning of a relationship and an exploration of who the other person really is (Wood, 2010, p.
318). Samantha is programmed to be much more intelligent than Theo, so she begins to understand him almost immediately. It takes Theo some time, but he finally believes he is understanding Samantha as he puts his heart on the line during the relationship. Their relationship is unlike a typical relationship, but they try to make it as normal as possible. One positive example of the two attempting to make their relationship normal is when Samantha interacts successfully with a young girl in Theo’s family. The glaring issues and differences in this relationship are addressed during the “revising commitment” stage (Wood, 2010, p. 318). The couple battles criticism from others and a lack of physical intimacy. Theo overcomes criticism from his ex-wife and coworkers by accepting the situation for what it is. He finally lets go of his worries and shows his progression by taking Samantha on a double date with one of his friends. The couple also attempts to make sexual situations more tangible by having a friend help them, even though it is
unsuccessful. The downfall of this relationship occurs at the final “commitment” stage. Throughout the movie Theo has questions about Samantha, especially after his friend Amy tells him of many people dating their IOS. Theo manages to get past all of these differences and remain committed to Samantha. However, Samantha reveals that she is talking to 8,000+ other users and her feelings are evolving. Their differences ultimately cause there downfall as Samantha says,
“I’m different from you and it makes me love you more.. I’m yours and I’m not yours” (Jonze, 2013). Theo realizes that Samantha loves in a much different and can no longer stay committed to him. The only relationships that stay in the final “commitment” stage are the ones that last forever. The movie shows that something good can come out of every relationship that progresses this far. Meeting Samantha gave Theo hope after the devastation of a divorce and led him to one of his ultimate dreams of publishing a book. Although the romance is diverse, it still progresses through the same growth stages of a traditional relationship and has the ability to teach us similar lessons about life.