Sacramento State University: A Short Story

It was me breaking down at night,I had to decide what path to take. Days and weeks of being questioned what was I going to do or being told what I had to do. I know that what everyone told me wasn't with bad intentions, they wanted the best for me and their mindset only allowed them to have a certain way of thinking what success looked like for me. It was 3:20 a.m., I was able to hear the clock tick. I had decided, a four year college wasn't going to be the path I took right after graduating. I never had bad intentions, I didn't want to let no one down. At one point I was willing to give it all up for them but I realized I wouldn't be content. I had to do what my heart and gut told me and that was to start of at junior college.

For the last couple of months it had become a routine to stop at
the college and career center to progress in applying for UC’s and CSU’s. It was like my second family in this place, they were all very supportive and always told me to continue studying no matter where I decided to go., especially Angie (College is Real leader). When we had all my documents and writing ready to submit to all the universities Angie sat me down. She asked me, “Where do you want to apply and why?” I answered so confidently, I mentioned all four CSU’s and UC’s I wanted to apply and why. As Joel Stein says in his article, “The New Greatest Generation- Why Millennials Will Save Us All”, “ This generation is three to four steps ahead. They’re coming in saying, ‘I want to do this, then when I’m done with this, I want to do this (32).” I as a millennial felt very confident, we are very confident. We have the tools that other generations don't have to open doors of opportunities. There is one thing, sometimes that confidence is built by others not by our own drive. So this leads us to lack decision making because of how unsure we are of what we want at the end.

Some months passed and it was what every college senior was waiting for, acceptance letters. Everyday going to school all I hears about was where other people had received acceptance letter, and I had nothing to contribute yet. I started doubting myself. In Carol S. Dweck article , “ Brainology: Transforming Students’ Motivation to Learn” she talk about a fixed mindset quality by saying, “ The children praised for their intelligence lost their confidence as soon as the problems got more difficult” (3). I was loosing my confidence, I was doubting myself because things were getting more arduous. Maybe these universities did not think I was intelligent enough to attend their premises. Then I saw light at the end of the tunnel, I was sitting in class one day. I remember my Ms. Cummings saying, “Deisy get off your phone.” I was shocked I couldn't put it away I had received my first acceptance letter to a CSU. I went home and screamed the news to my whole family they were all so happy for me. I felt great, I had made them proud.

I realized I was economically going to struggle so I got a part time job to start to save up for where ever I decided to go, and with the job came something unexpected. I got hired at Safeway and realized I didn’t want my life to be like that. I wanted to make money for my brains not my hands. So many questions came to my head every day, “Where am I going to live”, “What am I going to eat”, “Who will I be around”,and so much more. All these questions were answered by my coworker who became my best friend, Gladis. She got accepted to Sacramento State and we began to make plans about going there, renting an apartment, and we just planned every little thing out. I had my eyes set on Sacramento State and accepted to go to their school. Every night doubt crawled into my head. I talked to her about it and she was very supportive u like others. I know she was worried because we had plans made. We had various talks about this but at the end something always made me say I'm going to Sacramento and not to community college. Did I not realize opportunity was a flew blocks away from home in Contra Costa College?

I needed to make up my mind, I was accepted to every CSU I applied to but that is not the question.
I had to answer myself a question if I was going to go through the plan of attending Sacramento State University. I was scared, If I didn't go were my parents going to be disappointed, If i did go was I going to lose my bestfriend , If I didn't go who was going to walk out my life, If I didn't go was I a failure, If i didn't go would it be the best for me, so many if questions. That crucial night that I decided Sacramento State wasn't my way, made me feel lost. How was I going to reverse all the plans we had made to move out there. We were all settled to leave that summer. Everything was ready, I realized that the next morning. Was I really able to break it all and tell everyone. I did it and it was the hardest thing ever, some people walked out my life and others stayed. My parents were so supportive, I think they knew deep inside it's what I wanted. My close teachers also gave me all their support and told me I had greatness in me and It would manifest itself anywhere I went. My best friend also supported me.All this meant so much to me and made things a little less
painful.

The night I decided, yes I broke down but I build my new persona the following weeks. Dweck says, “...students with this growth mindset believe that intelligence is a potential that can be realized through learning. As a result, confronting challenges, profiting from mistakes, and persevering in the face of setbacks become ways of getting smarter.(1)” This was me, my mindset from this decision I made changed me. I went from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. I know myself more, I have inner motivation to thrive in the face of all adversity. Making a decision that will affect your future, as to college/univeristy is your first adulthood decision and heck is it hard. I learned that there is always rian before a rainbow. I went through a hard phase during this college process. But I made a decision and I am very happy with it today. Deciding to go to community college doesn't make you dumb and as so going to a four year university doesn't make you smart. We are all studying and trying to be someone in life. I can confidently say that if you want to study you will do it anywhere and you will thrive and where. Don't let others put you down with their words or actions. Show them you will do it, you will be successful your own way.