Satire Letter

August 9, 1991
Samuel S. Smarmy
Parent
Via Road
Jebediah, Idaho 94532

Dear Mr. Smarmy: I have read your letter that expresses your passionate vehemence for “A Modest Proposal,” and with the utmost sincerity, I appreciate your active role in the education of your son. It is heartening to see a parent with the conviction to fight for a wholesome education not just for his child, but for future generations of students. Education is an absolute, unrefuted necessity for any individual who wishes to be successful. An important part of any education is learning different perspectives in order to become better versed. I write back in hopes of imparting a new perspective upon you.
Allow me to recall your high school history lessons, more specifically about Europe. Ireland during the 1700’s was heavily repressed by England via trade restrictions and limited parliamentary power in Dublin. Like a small shrub that struggles to subsist under the looming shadow of a mighty forest tree, Ireland was not faring well. Jonathan Swift, a very well- educated man and a stalwart Irish patriot, wrote his controversial piece, “A Modest Proposal,” in order to call attention to the horrid conditions that people were subjected to under English rule. I completely understand your stance on the piece; cannibalism is the quintessence of disgust and cruelty. Suffer me once more to recall another thing you must have learned in high school, particularly your studies in the English language. Upon closer inspection by scholars over a great many years, the truth about “A Modest Proposal” has been revealed. It is satire, or a piece that points out flaws in society by poking fun at problems. The reason behind his piece was simply to spur the reader to action. Although each statistic in “A Modest Proposal” is very accurate sounding and methodical and nearly sensible, there are reasons within the piece to reach the former conclusion of satire. One such reason is quite obvious: there is no proof that this ever had or was going to happen. A passage from the piece helps to prove this point: “I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of the hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine, and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune, through the kingdom, always advertising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter” (paragraph ten).
For starters, Swift is talking about the killing of thousands of children. If that actually had happened, there would be a record of it, and if history has taught us anything, it is that people would have protested. This is a controversial topic now, and it would have been equally so back then. If it were real, some record would exist that vetoed this act. It is not plausible that no record exists of a decision made about such a proposal. The only logical conclusion is that it is a bogus article written for the sole purpose of getting attention brought to a very real issue: starvation. The first line from paragraph twenty-nine helps solidify this argument. “I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this proposal.” This only serves as an example of how satiric this piece is.
As a highly educated man, Swift would have easily been able to find fault with his plan, and write preemptive negations as necessary that touched on the morality (or lack thereof) of his proposal. It goes against basic human nature to consume each other, and cannibalism is the most desperate of desperate acts. In fact, when Napoleon attempted to invade Russia during the winter with close to one million men, he did not resort to cannibalism. He retreated, losing most of his force. In the time of ancient Rome, when Hannibal crossed over the Alps and was stopped by massive boulders and did not have the supplies to wait out the coming winter, he simply created his own opportunity. He too did not resort to cannibalism in order to survive. All three of these men were highly educated and brilliant; all three forged paths of their own.
“A Modest Proposal” was not proposing cannibalism; it was merely informing people of the dire situation in Ireland. It was creating an opportunity during a dire time. Sincerely, Dr. Frederick F. Farquarie