Stages Of Grief

rief -The Repairing of the Heart and Soul

To have loved is to have lost. These are probably the best words used to describe the essence of grief. Grief is something that heavily clouds the mind, and consumes the heart and soul. After the loss of a dear pet, friend, or loved one, grief then enters a person’s life. It is the recovery process that helps to repair the mind, body, and inner soul after an emotional loss. Most people believe that grieving is a process, and is broken down into many different stages. While there isn’t a time constraint for each phase of grief, they do typically occur in a specific order. These orders include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Whether it strikes immediately,
or throughout the course of some time, denial is the first stage of grief to hit initially. Whether a car hits a family pet, a childhood friend unexpectedly has a fatal heart attack, or a child passed away from a terminal illness, one is never really prepared to hear of these untimely deaths. The denial phase normally lasts longer if this loved one was in one’s life on a consistent basis. The mere absence of a loved one leaves a huge void in their heart. This causes people to question “why?” They may not want to believe it, because they were so young, they didn’t deserve to die, or just seen yesterday. The younger or healthier their love one may be, will also keep them in this phase longer. No one is every ready to see a child or healthy middle-aged person go suddenly, without warning. This can also be said of a loved one whom was not seen often. The fact that their absence isn’t seen on a day-to-day basis can leave one in denial of their passing. This also is the stage where concerned family and friends will attempt to advise the griever on how to feel. They may reach out and offer empathy because they have experienced similar events, or sympathize because they simply care. While no time limit is given to any stage of grief, this stage usually is the shortest.

Upon the realization that a loved one is really gone, usually proceeds to the anger stage of grief.
This may be the “rawest” chapter of grief. Those initial tears and questions of denial now turn into fiery hatred and frustration. It’s in this phase where love ones usually compares the deaths of friends or family members to one another. If a person’s son dies in a drive by shooting associated with drug use, prepare to hear how that child deserved to die versus the teenage boy who died of leukemia. Be prepared to be the blame for a drunk driver running a red light and killing a mother of three. This stage is a no holds bar when it comes to mourning. If a family member is going through this phase, bare with them, they are currently lost souls drowning in sorrow and irrationality. While this stage is heartbreaking to witness, it is only the process that everyone must go through in order to see the light at the end of the
tunnel.

Once one gets past the resentful stage of anger, bargaining comes into play. In this stage, loved ones left behind often bargain with their higher power. They will beg, plead, and pray for their loved one to come back to them. This may be the phase that brings widows, bereaved mothers, and fallen soldiers back to church. In this phase grievers begin looking to someone or anyone to help heal their broken heart. Upon exhausting all measures, they now find themselves on the alter of a new church, promising God to change if he can just bring their love one back. While seemingly desperate, that is what grief is. Grief is a vulnerable process, but every chapter brings some form of closure.

Perhaps the hardest and longest stage of grief is the depression stage.
This stage is known to cripple one emotionally, and perhaps even physically. In this stage, the reality that a loved one is gone forever finally sets in as real and absolute. One may feel every emotion from the prior stages and can be consumed with an array of emotions. They suddenly find themselves in a pit of deep, dark depression. Left with feelings that they may not be able to move on or live another day without their loved one. To them, life is over, as they know it. Life will never be the same. Although dark, they are on to something in this phase, and couldn’t be any more correct; life will never be the same. The tears will flow once again in this step, and while they don’t know it then, those tears will finally provide the healing their heart desires. Those solemn tears and lonely nights will mend them. One day they will be able talk about their loved one and remember them again in spirit, not death. In the midst of sorrow one may even laugh a little. This will allow them to enter the final stage of
grief.

The most rewarding phase of grief is the final phase people experience. This final phase is when one must move past the hurt, anger, and loss. This is the acceptance phase. In this final stage, grievers come to terms with their life and realize that with great love, comes great loss. In the realm of it all, they wouldn’t have grieved at all had they not loved someone so much at one time. During this phase grievers may become involved in church, support groups, or just a daily phone call from their best friend. This will become newly found therapy. Just when they think that people are helping them, they find out that they have really been helping them. You learn that in your sorrow, you can be a revelation to someone else.

While people may never grieve the same, they all grieve for the same reasons. Someone whom they have loved along the course of time has left them here to bear this world without them. So while it may take some weeks to go through these phases, others make take years, or better yet a lifetime to grieve. Either way, grief is merely a repercussion everyone must go through in order to experience the greatest joy of all, love.