Summary Of Keep Your Love On By Danny Silk

I chose the book Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk, because it has been recommended to me several times and encompasses a lot of what we have discussed in class. The book is divided into three sections: connection, communication, and boundaries. In the first section, connection, Silk describes the differences between, what he calls, powerless and powerful people. Powerless people are driven by anxiety, live out of fear, and do not take responsibility for their actions or emotions. While powerful people, on the other hand, take responsibility for themselves and realize that it is their job to control their own emotions and not others. Powerless relational dynamics are triangulated expressed in roles of: the rescuer, the bad guy, or the victim.
It says that both people in the conversation matter, unlike passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communication strategies. The core value of assertive communicators is honor and respect where understanding, not agreement, is the first goal. Understanding requires both parties to share their feelings, rather than just cliché talking. Asking questions like: “what do you need?” can help people create understanding. Trust is needed for a healthy relationship. Silk provides a trust cycle diagram: “have a need, the need is expressed, there is a response to the need, and the need is satisfied” (Silk, 2014). However, this cycle can be broken at any point, and we all experience broken trust in life. It is impossible to build trust without communicating needs, because we were designed to have our needs met through relationships. The best way to accomplish this is using “I” messages. They communicate feelings rather than opinions and responsibility rather than blame. In sharing our feelings, we are being vulnerable and creating intimacy within our relationships. Within conflict, it is necessary for there to be both a listener and a receiver—this is respectful and honorable