The 5 Love Languages

The Five Love Languages The book by Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages, discuses in full detail ways that will help couples work as a team, learn to speak and understand the languages of love, and how to effectively express that love and feel loved in return. The book discuss the five love languages to be word of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. The book gives examples of each love language to give the reader a better understanding of how that language is communicated. Words of affirmation refer to compliments and requests instead of demands creating intimacy and bringing out your significant others full potential. Words of affirmation are also stated to heal wounds by asking for forgiveness. You can use words of affirmation can be direct or indirect and varies in dialect. Quality time is to give your spouse your undivided attention by spending time together, lessoning to one and other, or participating in an activity that is meaningful to both. This love language is all abought togetherness or focused attention on your spouse. The most common dialect of quality time is quality conversation which is ‘sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly uninterrupted context. This language also includes quality activities being an activity that one or both people are interested in. the purpose of quality activates is being able to experience something together, feeling like your spouse cares about you, and being able to bring back memories to draw back on in the future. Receiving gifts is a fundamental expression of love. Gifts are symbols of love no matter the price, or if the item was made, and is also your own presence made available to your spouse. Gifts portray the message that you care and respect the value of your relationship. A gift to your spouse can be purchased, found, or made and does not need to be expensive for the price of a gift mean very little. The gift of self is “being there when your spouse needs you” and it is very important for the ones whose primary love language is receiving gifts. Acts of Service, such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, vacuuming, changing you kids dippers, and etc. ,takes thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. In order for one to preformed acts of service must learn not to stereotype. In the book it states the stereotypes are” influenced by parents, TV, and single-parent families. Acts of services should be given freely as well as completed as asked. Physical Touch is a “vehicle for communicating marital love” as Chapman had stated. Physical touch includes holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse and can communicate hate or love. To ones who primary love language is physical touch they see the body as for touching and when you touch their body it is as you are touching them emotionally and withdrawing from their body is seen as distancing yourself from them emotionally. Physical touch has also been scientifically proven to be an emotional communicator to children.
Chapman’s theory, “while we are feeling loved we are more likely to make an effort in our relationships/Marriage,” can be related to the Motivation theory, Arousal Theory, that “suggests that we are motivated to behave in ways that keep or restore an ideal or optimal level of arousal.(Sixth addition, “Essentials of Psychology”, Concepts and theories of motivation, pg. 301) we as humans all have an exact level of arousal as well, as Chapman had stated we have our own love language ,as our own personality traits and behavioral tendencies. These two theories relate in the way that as humans we seek to keep our physiological arousal at a moderate level, as stated in the arousal theory, and our love tank full, as stated in Chapman’s theory. Love tanks can get low when our physiological arousal levels are low. When our physiological arousal levels are at a modern leave we tend to perform best and may feel the best as we do when our love tanks are full.
Chapman’s ideas abought relationships have showed to be helpful and true when tested using my relationship. Chapman’s ideas about relationships fascinate me. I do believe he is onto something. While reading the book I tried some of his helpful tips in my relationship and to my surprise it worked miracles. By using his tips I am able to open up to my partner, I now see that my partners love language is words of affirmation, and now I am able to communicate his love language within our relationship, and much more. All that I have learned has bettered my relationship already. His tips have helped my relationship and in my opinion could help many others.
The book states that the essential questions needed to discover your primary love language is “what do you request the most? What makes you fell the most loved? What hurts you deeply” and “What do you desire most of all?” I had written down the questions and put a lot of thought into what was being asked before I answered them. When with my spouse I request to be help and touched in any way. What hurts the most is when my spouse turns from my kisses, hugs, or just rejects me in any way. When I am with my spouse I desire so deeply to be in his arms at all times. My results to these questions would be portrayed by the book as my love language being physical touch. I believe this to be true. While reading chapter 8 I had discovered my love language. I was able to relate to all Chapman had to say abought physical touch. I truly believe Chapman’s statement in the book that “When you touch my body is to touch me as to withdraw from my body is to distance yourself from me emotionally.” When I am rejected a kiss, hug, sex, or any other physical touch I get emotionally wounded by my spouse even if the rejection was not due to distancing himself from me. When I am physically rejected I feel emotionally rejected no matter the reasoning behind it.
Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, has been very beneficial to me in my relationship. I have discovered many tools and techniques in discovering someone’s love language and being able to communicate it properly. The book, based on many physiological facts, I believe could help many mirages from falling apart and many people from falling out of if they are willing to work for that love. Reading this book has given me a better understanding on why people fall out of love and how that love can be saved and strengthened. I enjoyed the book, found it very helpful in my own relationship, and found the facts, based on the author’s history in therapy and knowledge of phycology, to be fascinating and true.