The Bad Lawss About Dating Too Good By Carol Austin Bridgewater
THE BAD NEWS ABOUT LOOKING TOO GOOD by Carol Austin Bridgewater
Mademoiselle, May 1981
If you could snap your fingers and be absolutely gorgeous…would you? Before you decide, consider this: While there are definite advantages to being beautiful, there are also some very real drawbacks. In fact, the more average looking among us may be just as well off in the long run.
First, the advantages of beauty. Way back in 1966, Dr. Elaine Hatfield, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin, and her colleague Dr. Ellen Berscheid, studied dating preferences of college freshman who attended a dance with blind dates of varying degrees of attractiveness. After the dance, the researchers found, the attractive women tended to be asked out again, and the good-looking dates of both sexes were reported to be better-liked than the average or unattractive dates. Intelligence and social skills didn’t seem to count for much.
Other researchers have demonstrated that both men and women assume that attractive people are more sensitive, kind, and sexually responsive than unattractive people. And they were thought to lead more exciting lives and have more prestigious careers. “This is a stereotype that’s held by virtually everyone-men and women, young …show more content…
and old,” says Dr. Mark Snyder (1978, p. 21), a psychologist at Stanford University’s Center for Advanced Study in Behavioral Sciences, In Palo Alto, California.
But before you give up all hope because you’ve never been mistaken for Miss America, there’s a twist to Dr.
Snyder's story. He did an experiment in which men talked over the phone to women they had never met. Men who were told that they were talking to attractive women were much more warm and outgoing in their conversations than men who thought they were talking to uglies. What’s fascinating is that, in spite of the fact that all the women were equally attractive, the “beauties” responded by being more confident and animated than the “uglies.” Snyder (1978) explains, “Once we categorize people as either attractive or unattractive, we unknowingly influence them to behave according to our expectations” (p.
22).
And while that doesn’t sound altogether encouraging it is, in fact, good news. For while there are a few stunners in the world whom no one could call less than beautiful, most of us fall in a category which Snyder describes as being “attractive to some people, but not to others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so to speak. When you interact with those who see you as attractive, our research shows they’ll bring out the best in you” (p. 22).
What makes someone see another as “attractive”? Studies show that a man is more drawn to a woman who shares similar attitudes with him (Marshall, 1980; Jones, 1978). In fact, some researchers have found that similarity in attitudes is even more important than looks in drawing people to one another (Lynden, 1977; Fairey, 1980). Other studies show that people will think you’re more attractive if you make it clear that you like them and enjoy their company (McGee, 1979). Also, the more someone likes you, the more attractive you seem to him or her. Finally, then, as people get to know each other, and learn that they have things in common, their attractiveness increases in each other’s eyes.
What this means is that the most average-looking among us will get to be beautiful-at least sometimes! At the same time, we may well avoid some of the disadvantages of being stunning. And what, you may ask, could those possibly be?
In one experiment, attractive women were judged to have a number of positive traits. But they were also considered to be snobbish, materialistic and vain. Attractive women were also considered less approachable: in one experiment, men admitted that the more attractive a woman is the more they feared rejection.
Keep in mind, too, that the psychologists doing all this experimenting have focused primarily on how attractiveness affects first impressions in brief social encounters. Whatever edge the beautiful have, therefore, may be evened out over time. After all, in the end it’s the total human being that counts in the best relationships in our lives.
Mademoiselle, May 1981
If you could snap your fingers and be absolutely gorgeous…would you? Before you decide, consider this: While there are definite advantages to being beautiful, there are also some very real drawbacks. In fact, the more average looking among us may be just as well off in the long run.
First, the advantages of beauty. Way back in 1966, Dr. Elaine Hatfield, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin, and her colleague Dr. Ellen Berscheid, studied dating preferences of college freshman who attended a dance with blind dates of varying degrees of attractiveness. After the dance, the researchers found, the attractive women tended to be asked out again, and the good-looking dates of both sexes were reported to be better-liked than the average or unattractive dates. Intelligence and social skills didn’t seem to count for much.
Other researchers have demonstrated that both men and women assume that attractive people are more sensitive, kind, and sexually responsive than unattractive people. And they were thought to lead more exciting lives and have more prestigious careers. “This is a stereotype that’s held by virtually everyone-men and women, young …show more content…
and old,” says Dr. Mark Snyder (1978, p. 21), a psychologist at Stanford University’s Center for Advanced Study in Behavioral Sciences, In Palo Alto, California.
But before you give up all hope because you’ve never been mistaken for Miss America, there’s a twist to Dr.
Snyder's story. He did an experiment in which men talked over the phone to women they had never met. Men who were told that they were talking to attractive women were much more warm and outgoing in their conversations than men who thought they were talking to uglies. What’s fascinating is that, in spite of the fact that all the women were equally attractive, the “beauties” responded by being more confident and animated than the “uglies.” Snyder (1978) explains, “Once we categorize people as either attractive or unattractive, we unknowingly influence them to behave according to our expectations” (p.
22).
And while that doesn’t sound altogether encouraging it is, in fact, good news. For while there are a few stunners in the world whom no one could call less than beautiful, most of us fall in a category which Snyder describes as being “attractive to some people, but not to others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so to speak. When you interact with those who see you as attractive, our research shows they’ll bring out the best in you” (p. 22).
What makes someone see another as “attractive”? Studies show that a man is more drawn to a woman who shares similar attitudes with him (Marshall, 1980; Jones, 1978). In fact, some researchers have found that similarity in attitudes is even more important than looks in drawing people to one another (Lynden, 1977; Fairey, 1980). Other studies show that people will think you’re more attractive if you make it clear that you like them and enjoy their company (McGee, 1979). Also, the more someone likes you, the more attractive you seem to him or her. Finally, then, as people get to know each other, and learn that they have things in common, their attractiveness increases in each other’s eyes.
What this means is that the most average-looking among us will get to be beautiful-at least sometimes! At the same time, we may well avoid some of the disadvantages of being stunning. And what, you may ask, could those possibly be?
In one experiment, attractive women were judged to have a number of positive traits. But they were also considered to be snobbish, materialistic and vain. Attractive women were also considered less approachable: in one experiment, men admitted that the more attractive a woman is the more they feared rejection.
Keep in mind, too, that the psychologists doing all this experimenting have focused primarily on how attractiveness affects first impressions in brief social encounters. Whatever edge the beautiful have, therefore, may be evened out over time. After all, in the end it’s the total human being that counts in the best relationships in our lives.