The Cult Of Virginity Analysis

As a child from the beginning we are told that we can be whatever we want, an astronaut, a doctor, a teacher. Why is it that we are then as we age shamed for becoming who we are? I believe society needs to make some drastic shifts both in legalities in attitudes to make this “American dream” a reality whether that be to become transgender, sexually active, thin or not. All should be given the right to choose, then have equality and protection in whatever decision made, if we can educate and enlighten our society we can create a culture were all can feel safe in being who they are.

While differing behavior has always been a million shades of grey and accepted everyone being so different, why is it that our society expects gender to be so
very black and white or I guess you could say pink and blue.

In the United States before we even see the light of day, we are set into a specific gender performance that has been set by our society for generations. Parents patiently wait to hear the gender of their baby, and now even throw parties to announce its sex. From that point on, many parents begin color coordinating rooms, people give gifts according the child's gender, and once born, we are wrapped in either a pink or blue blanket. It's no wonder our society is so set in gender roles and ideologies.

According to Judith Butler, a feminist scholar, our gender is how we express ourselves, “When we say gender is performed, we usually mean that we've taken on a role or we're acting in some way and that our acting or our role playing is crucial to the gender that we are and the gender that we present to the world.” she sees gender largely as a social construct (Rosenberg, 2007). When doing ultrasounds doctors are determining the sex of babies, parents begin determining the child's gender identity based strictly on the fact that they have either X or Y chromosomes.
Before I was born my parents began planning for a little boy and girl, according to the ultrasound my mother was to give birth to fraternal twins in May of 1995. Not surprising my parents bought both pink and blue clothes, blankets, and toys. In doing this my parents set me up for a lifetime of playing into this gender performance, which in turn could likely lead to lower pay, oppression, judgment, ECT just because I was born with X chromosomes instead of Y.

Obviously when a baby up until later childhood, we make very few decisions for ourselves, a large majority of who we are is molded by our parents or care takers in our younger years. Which is why so many of us tend to follow in our parents footsteps and ideologies.

Many are trying to break the mold, in a world so impressed upon by the media, it is being taken over by groups both for and against homosexuality, freedom of gender expression and LGBT rights. Groups are boycotting certain business based on the company’s beliefs and attitudes towards the gender, transgender, and homosexual marriages. In the last couple weeks many have refused to go to large corporations like Target, because they will not be discriminating with their bathrooms, transgender people will be allowed to use which ever restroom they feel most comfortable in (Shuppe, 2016).

While I do understand both side and concerns of this argument. It sound oddly familiar to the discrimination towards “blacks using whites” restrooms in the 1960-70s. The book The Help, gives many accounts of women’s experiences with both racial and gender oppression (Stockett, 2009). While reading this book I was ashamed of my races treatment of others, while we as a society have come a very long way both legally and in our views of different races. I believe we will look back on our attitudes and be ashamed of how we’ve acted toward LGBT. Children will learn in history classes about our mistakes and I hope will open there eyes and see equality for all. Utah is a very conservative state, which likely roots from the predominantly LDS demographic, it’s not surprising much of the state’s attitudes towards the new laws regarding LGBT rights. The culture we live in has tried to shape mine and many of those attitudes around me. Our culture is forever judging people based of their economic status, religion, clothing, and so on. One attitude that seems to be standard throughout our nation regions or not is people’s attitudes towards people’s sexuality, the one that affects me the most is the attitude towards women’s sexuality. Women are being judged nonstop based on their over sexuality or lack of, women’s sexuality is being judged just by the type of clothing they wear. In The Cult of Virginity by Jessica Valente, she discusses how women’s virginity defines here value in society’s eyes.
One portion that really stood out to me was the quote, “Raising daughter of quality became another model of production, as valuable as breeding healthy sheep, weaving study cloth, or brining in a good harvest.” It also went on to talk about the long tradition of fathers giving their daughters away as if they were property from father then to the husband (Blank, 2007). This attitude throughout thousands of years is likely what has led to today’s perception of women who have had sex are “damaged goods” (Valenti, 2009). Although in the last century laws gave women the right to stand as citizen in on their own and not as property why has this attitude
continued?

Jessica Valenti describes this attitude as the virginity movement, she believes “anti-feminist think tanks” are behind this. These “think tanks” are composed of groups who are continually pressing the idea of abstinence and limiting women’s sexuality. Women are consistently being shamed for being impure, it no longer matters if they’re educated, or a good person, just if you haven’t popped your cherry (Valenti, 2009).

These groups are likely also behind the bills trying to make their way through the legal system. These laws take away the choice, and rights of women. In the last couple years over 42 laws regarding and restricting women’s health rights, these rights include those regarding abortion, birth control, ect. Lawmakers have limited the clinics that provide abortions and have created a 72 wait period before women are allowed to have an abortion. Every woman’s situation is so subjective, it’s not right that lawmaker create such authoritative decisions. It is appalling to me that lawmaker who are for the majority men, are continuing to make decisions about women, and their bodies (Adams, 3016).

Women are being scrutinized in nearly every way possible. As a women in today’s generation I truly feel like there’s no winning. No matter your likes, dislikes, sexuality, or lack of, we are shoved into some sort of a stereotype. Its hard to try and become who you are in a world that will hate you and shame you no matter what. The shaming of women in the media has become nearly unbearable. I see these beautiful women being made fun of and it makes me seriously consider all the things that people must see wrong with me.

The most recent that comes to mind was Amy Schumer an actress and comedian was called “inspiring” for her weight and accomplishments. Amy is about a size 6, and anywhere from being fat she was appalled by the article, and wasn’t afraid to say so (Dastigir, 2013). This just shows our society’s warped views of beauty and especially body image. Imagine all these women seeing this article and then automatically questioning their own bodies. This is just the tip of the iceberg in regards to the Medias responsibility for unreachable goals and uncountable body image issues.

Shaming on women does stop at body image and beauty, for a reason I have yet to understand, women are being blamed for being sexually assaulted and abused. I need to pause there for a second just to wrap my head around the fact that that is even a thought going through people’s minds. I think this ties back once again to the idea of women being “property” as discussed in Valenti’s article. The book Sharing our Stories of Survival shares many accounts of the disturbing reality for so many women who have endured domestic violence and sexual assault. Reading through the many myths about sexual assault is rattling, it shows just how twisted our society is to say that women are responsible for their assault based on where they were, what they were wearing, ect.

Last year over 33,407 rapes were reported, we know that number is drastically skewed. As a woman I understand the want to avoid reporting because of the stigma attached and how our society seems to place the blame on women. I think Youth Awaaz stated this perfectly, “Whatever be her clothing, behavior or state of inebriation, it doesn’t give anyone the right to infringe on her personal space and justify any form of violence.” (I Wasn't Asking For It, Even If I Were Naked, 2014). Women should never have to dress modest to stay “safe”, women shouldn’t have to live in fear of what a man could do to them. There is nothing that legislature can do to change this ideal, it must be a complete change of mindset by our society. As the talk of feminism has risen over the last few years, I’ve thought very little about the movement.
While reading Indigenous American Woman I related a lot to the attitude of a Hopi student who neither refers to herself as a Feminist of an activity she stated, “I’m normal, I see activist as women actually doing and feminists as whiners”(Mihesuah, 2003). After this class it has really opened my eyes to the truth behind the fight, and how much change needs to be made in regards to all genders. While I will likely continue with my own personal gender performance and the role I have played for years, I will also be behind everyone else and their right to choice and equality. We as a society and world need to all be on the same playing field, equality should be expected and given in all walks of
life.