The Facts of Life

Running Head: THE FACTS OF LIFE.

Love, Marriage, Children, Ect…
Amanda Seigley
Harford Community College
Abstract
Being a little older now, a freshman in college, I knew that soon I will be facing the marriage/family lifestyle before I know it. I wanted to prepare myself for what was coming in my future so I had a better understanding of what goes on. During this course, while reading the text, I was analyzing myself on how I related by doing the many scales, inventories and discussions within the class. I was able to find out that being married was not that easy. There are so many things to take into account before getting married, such as culture, different views and the different roles that will be played throughout the whole marriage. I think I can say that from taking this course I have been looked marriage and having a family in a new perspective than I had done before. I know I don’t want to rush into anything and let everything take its own course, but I can’t wait to have a family of my own.
The Beginning of It All Marriage has many hidden aspects behind just the exchanging of vows. You have definitions of, frameworks, many concepts and gender role socialization. Marriage has changed a lot throughout the years, with women and men both working, getting divorces and being a single mother or father by choice.
Marriage and the Family The definition of a marriage is a legal relationship that binds a man and a woman together for reproduction and the subsequent care and socialization of children (Knox & Schacht, 2008). I have never been married but I have got the chance to watch my parents have a successful one. I believe that my parents are the definition of a marriage and I think they have done a fine job raising my sister, my brother and I. The definition of a family is a group of two or more persons related by blood, marriage or adoption. There are many types of families but I think the one that best fits my family is the modern family type. My mom and my dad both have worked full time since they’ve been married, and have been able to support their family in doing so. Some people may say that having two parents who work will experience a loss of support, love and may cause delinquent behavior. I don’t believe that is the case at all in my family. My siblings and I both have gotten all the love and attention we needed, and we were brought up in a good family environment.
Frameworks
There are four different frameworks to describe marriage and the family. They are theoretical, social exchange, family life course development, and structural function framework. Based on the definitions of these I believe that my family was built off the theoretical framework, as well as most of the families in the world, and that I am the result of social exchange framework.
Gender Role Socialization Gender roles are the social norms that we are expected to do by society as in male and female behavior. This gets into further detail when you talk about gender role socialization. From society we learn almost everything we know, from attitudes, values, beliefs and behaviors and we adapt to what we’re supposed to do. Such as women can come off moody, easily embarrassed and men are competitive, sarcastic and sexual (Knox & Schacht, 2008). There are many positive and negative things that are included in these social norms for both males and females. I myself fit into some of these categories for the negative such as, negative body image and for the positive keeping relationships on track. I’m like every other girl who watches T.V. and see the skinny actresses and wishes, “Man I wish I could have a body like that”, but I know that I’m not the only one out there that does that. From my experience with men and my current boyfriend I can pinpoint the most common negative and positive norms. For the negative it would have to be limited expression of emotions and fear of intimacy, and for the positive initiating a relationship and greater available pool of potential partners (Knox & Schacht, 2008). The men are more likely to ask a woman out then a woman ask the man out, and every girl has probably noticed the amount of women one guy has been with, because lets face it, their easier at it then we are. I did the relationship involvement scale, which I found out that I am very involved in my relationship now. That’s one of the social norms for a woman is the level you’re involved and I think I’m doing a good job of following those social norms.
Half Way There
Dating and Cohabitation To some people love is a wonderful thing, to others they hate it, but to me, I’m in the middle. Love and every other emotion consist of three parts: a behavior/and or action, a thought and a reaction such as a heart beating faster when that special person is around. Men and women both have different views and thoughts on love. But before you get to love, dating comes first. I haven’t yet been able to live with any of my boyfriends but I have had over night stays and week long trips. I feel as though cohabitating should wait until the engagement or even later. You learn so much from a person by living with them, that I don’t really like the idea of waiting until marriage to live with someone. I have dated my fair share of men, and I feel as though ever women does, is that their all the same. I did the relationship dynamic scale and got a 12, which is the highest which gives me the green light towards a good relationship. Right now I’m in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years, and I hope many more years to come. Our love style is more Eros, and we’re in the romantic stage, right now. Jealously gets a hold of me sometimes but its normal, I think. The love attitudes scale showed I was more realistic then romantic when it came to love, which I think is correct. I want things to be more on the real side so I’m never left wondering.
Mating
Mating may sound like something animals do, but humans do it also, in a different way. We tend to select out mate based on intelligence, education, and background. Selecting a mate then may lead to alternative life styles, such as, staying single, being a single parent by choice, and also having a mate of the same sex. The involved couple’s inventory was a good way for me and my partner to look at what we have to offer each other. We compared the same questions that were important to use to see how we’re a like. I enjoyed spending this time just learning about him, and seeing why I chose him. It came down to us being on the same level with marriage, family, and careers.
Multiculturalism
I and my partner come from different backgrounds, which is the result of multiculturalism. This plays a huge role in almost everyone’s life. Multiculturalism is something that consists of many cultures in society. My background includes, Polish, Irish, Indian and German, so I’m a mix of a little bit of everything. Since my dad is almost full Polish and my mom’s a mix of the others they were both brought up different based on their cultures. Now my partner is a mix of some other different things such as German, Italian, and a few others. The way he was raised is completely different from the way I was raised, but we’re learning to get a long well. We both have different views on the way to raise children and to have careers. This happens in almost every relationship and all you have to do is communicate with one another and compromise.
Communication
Communication is the key to success. From doing the Supportive Communication Scale and relating it to my relationship, I found out that I and my partner have good communication. We take time everyday to sit down with out the T.V. on or anything distracting us and just talk about anything and everything. When we get into arguments that a different story. We both try to avoid each other to get away from the situation, which hurts or relationship. Communication also plays a big role in sexuality, especially non-verbal communication. Each gender looks at sexuality in a different perspective.
Children and Parenting & Blended Families Talking about sexuality leads to the next topic on children, parenting, and blended families. There are many factors that go into how to raise a child. Such as, the wiring of the brain, genetics, institutional differences, societal influences and peer influences (Knox & Schacht, 2008). I believe that the way my parents raised I and my siblings were based off of the way they were raised. My mother came from a strict home with her father being a cop and her mother being a school teacher, she also had three other siblings. Since my mom was brought up in a strict environment, she reversed her parenting to being a laid back mom. My dad was the opposite; he came from a laid back family, now my dad is the opposite in being very strict towards us. My family is somewhat what you would call a blended family. My dad was married once before my mom and had one daughter, which was way before my sister, my brother and I. So I have a step sister, and she has a step mother.

Getting Older
Divorce
I have never experienced any sort of divorce except from my friend’s point of view. I’m one of the lucky ones whose parents have stayed married, and not for the wrong reasons. From seeing some of my closest friends go through divorces, I’m glad I have never gone through it. My friends had blamed the divorce on themselves, instead of seeing that it had nothing to do with them. There are many factors that make up a divorce, and one of them is not the children. Today in American 40%-50% of all marriages end in divorce (Knox & Schacht, 2008). Sometimes is not because they want to, it’s because they have to. More divorces are brought on because the spouse cheats on the other, or it’s because they are in an abusive relationship.
Violence, Abuse, & Neglect The Abusive Behavior inventory reveled that I was not in an abusive relationship, which I already knew, and trust me if I was, I would have left a long time ago. “Relationship violence is a pattern of behavior in which one partner uses fear and intimidation to establish power and control over the other partner, often including the threat or use of violence. This abuse happens when one person believes they are entitled to control another” (Meggs ,Margaret L. 2003). I am a walking example of that, being physically and emotionally abused in my last relationship. I didn’t think I would be able to get out of that relationship, so I ended up staying for two years until I finally got the courage to leave him. It was hard but it had to be done. Although I have been a victim of abuse, I’ve never been neglected. Most neglect happens in younger children and elderly people, since they are the easiest to neglect and the most attention needed. Luckily I have never seen or been around anyone that has been neglected.

Stress and Older Age Stress comes into play a lot whether you’re at an older age or not. I’m only 18 and I experience more stress than I should, from going to school full time and working full time. There are a lot of things that I try to relieve my stress such as exercise, or snuggling on the couch and reading a good book. With older age, comes more stress if you’re not careful. There has been an increase in grandparents parenting their grandchildren due to the alternative lifestyles that we have now today. There are gender differences in views of marriage and dealing with losses, when we talk about older age. Older aged men view marriage as idealistic while older aged women view marriage as more realistic with disagreements (Knox & Schacht, 2008).
Summary
There has been a great deal of knowledge that I have taken in throughout this course, from marriage to getting older and being a grandparent. Marriage is not as simple as every one takes it out to be, and that’s the major thing I learned in this course. A family is hard to keep together if you don’t try to make it work, and there are just little things that can affect a marriage or a family.

Bibliography
ReSPONSE, Meggs ,Margaret L. (2003). What is Relationship Violence. ReSPONSE. from http://www.msun.edu/stuaffairs/response/relviol/domestic_violence.htm

Knox D. & Schacht, C. (2008). Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family (9th edition). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth

Bibliography: ReSPONSE, Meggs ,Margaret L. (2003). What is Relationship Violence. ReSPONSE. from http://www.msun.edu/stuaffairs/response/relviol/domestic_violence.htm Knox D. & Schacht, C. (2008). Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family (9th edition). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth