Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her nonetheless because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection. (Dickens 232)
This forbidden love sparks a fire in him, driving him to become worthy in the eyes of both Estella and Miss Havisham. Once he caught a glimpse of his idea of perfection, he tried with constant drive and a heart full of hope to do everything in his power to get Estella back and to never let her go. After years of desperately longing to see her, he was able to reunite with his beloved and falls even deeper in love, such that she consumes his every thought and every word: “You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then” (364). Pip’s love did not destroy him, but instead built him to become a driven, hardworking gentleman. Rather than letting the improbability of a relationship with Estella break him apart, he lived every day striving to be his best self, a self that would not only please him, but please the love of his life as well. Conversely, the protagonist in Sue Monk Kidd’s, The Secret Life of Bees, believes that she suffers an inability to be loved.
Lily’s father, T. Ray, only deepens this conviction, telling Lily that her mother only came back for her things, not for her daughter. This false belief that her mother died regretting her existence destroys Lily. She grows to have such a strong desire to feel loved that it begins to control her in a negative way, making her feel constantly unwanted. Meeting the Boatwright’s, she finally is surrounded by the kind of love and affection she so desperately needed. Staying at the honey house, she learns more than the honey business itself, she begins to realize that the same lessons they teach her about the bees can apply to her life. When explaining how to handle the bees, August says, “Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved.” (92) To be loved is all Lily has ever wanted, and once she begins living in the honey house, she realizes how loved she truly is, and has been all of her life, even though she didn’t know it. The love that nearly all the people in Lily’s life have for her is as immense as Pip’s love for Estella, but for her, it took many years of darkness before she could finally see the light. Once Lily opens her heart, she realizes how extraordinary it can be to both love and be loved: “I myself, for instance. It seemed like I was now thinking of Zach forty minutes out of every hour, Zach, who was an
impossibility. I can tell you this much: the word is a great big log thrown on the fires of love (133).” Discovering what true love feels like, Lily becomes a stronger person, building up the confidence to stand up to her hateful father, who was also broken down from feeling unloved. Despite leading a life for many years believing that she is unloved and worthless, Lily finally has the chance to feel the overwhelming joy it is to both love and be loved. Whether it is finding love, keeping it, or feeling it, love is never easy. Both Pip and Lily faced immense challenges before finding love, but once it’s found, it consumes every thought and every word. Love, although it can strengthen a person as it did Pip, also has the power to break, like it did Lily. Love can be paralyzing, but as long as it builds and does not destroy, it can lead to a heart that is forever full.