This Little Light of Mine: A Satire
Katherine Snyder
Professor Gardner
GSTR 110: H
16 September 2013
A group of very passionate Christians appears at one of the crosswalks of Berea College. Heatedly, they scream at the pedestrians and students and faculty and anyone with hearing intact of the wickedness of the onlookers’ ways and the eternal damnation to which their current life leads them. As obviously necessitated by their religious beliefs, these kind folk attempt to carry out a principle mandate set forth by their God, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ: to convert, and therefore save, the sinners of this world. Walking away, though, one must wonder if there is not a more efficient way to proselytize the lost sheep of the world. As surely as this work must be done, there must be means by which to complete such a task as efficiently and swiftly as is custom in today’s society. As rapid and blasphemous as the world is, we must emphasize the need for haste in this mission. According to statistic presented by Rebecca Gardyn and John Fetto, writers for the Advertising Agency and Market Industry News, an online magazine dealing especially in demographics, approximately 44 percent of the United States are “un-churched”, with males creating 50 percent of that horrific figure. Additionally, 2.5 million Americans die annually, meaning that approximately 1.25 million American souls are damned yearly (United States). Illuminating the final solution for this problem, Joshua Iyadurai, who earned a PhD in Christian studies and is currently employed at the Mylapore Institute for Indigenous Studies, outlines a cogent process by which one may be converted to Christianity specifically. As described in the text, “The Step Model of Transformative Religious Experiences”, from “165 accounts of conversion experiences… using maximum variant sampling and multiple methods of data collection” (Iyadurai 504), the author discovers a pattern of five definitive stages. They are as follows; Exposure to
Professor Gardner
GSTR 110: H
16 September 2013
A group of very passionate Christians appears at one of the crosswalks of Berea College. Heatedly, they scream at the pedestrians and students and faculty and anyone with hearing intact of the wickedness of the onlookers’ ways and the eternal damnation to which their current life leads them. As obviously necessitated by their religious beliefs, these kind folk attempt to carry out a principle mandate set forth by their God, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ: to convert, and therefore save, the sinners of this world. Walking away, though, one must wonder if there is not a more efficient way to proselytize the lost sheep of the world. As surely as this work must be done, there must be means by which to complete such a task as efficiently and swiftly as is custom in today’s society. As rapid and blasphemous as the world is, we must emphasize the need for haste in this mission. According to statistic presented by Rebecca Gardyn and John Fetto, writers for the Advertising Agency and Market Industry News, an online magazine dealing especially in demographics, approximately 44 percent of the United States are “un-churched”, with males creating 50 percent of that horrific figure. Additionally, 2.5 million Americans die annually, meaning that approximately 1.25 million American souls are damned yearly (United States). Illuminating the final solution for this problem, Joshua Iyadurai, who earned a PhD in Christian studies and is currently employed at the Mylapore Institute for Indigenous Studies, outlines a cogent process by which one may be converted to Christianity specifically. As described in the text, “The Step Model of Transformative Religious Experiences”, from “165 accounts of conversion experiences… using maximum variant sampling and multiple methods of data collection” (Iyadurai 504), the author discovers a pattern of five definitive stages. They are as follows; Exposure to
Cited: Gardyn, Rebecca, and John Fetto. "Somebody Say Amen!." American Demographics 22.4 (2000): 72. Academic Search Premier. Web. 14 Sept. 2013. The Holy Bible: King James Version. Oliver Springs, TN: Mount Pisgah Printing Ministry, n.d. Print. Iyadurai, Joshua. "The Step Model of Transformative Religious Experiences: A Phenomenological Understanding of Religious Conversions in India." Pastoral Psychology 60.4 (2011): 505-521. Academic Search Premier. Web. 14 Sept. 2013. United States. US Department of Commerce. US Census Bureau. The 2012 Statistical Abstract: Table 78. Live Births, Deaths, Marriages, and Divorces: 1960 to 2008. By US National Center for Health Satistics. N.p., 27 June 2012. Web. 14 Sept. 2013.