For about as long as I could remember, my wish has always been to fit in, and be well-liked by everyone. I began acting a certain way that wasn’t me, and even began to lose my identity. I followed all trends and began to lose more and more of my identity as time chipped away. This all stopped as soon as high school began. High school was such a disquieting transition along with all of the new changes I’d be facing. New classmates, teachers, subjects, and responsibilities. I was now required to think twice before every move and concentrate on everything more adequately. All these changes made me begin to realize that I should learn more about my identity and do what makes me tranquil and content as a person.…
3:15 am, I lie in the spot of my bed I’d always gone to for comfort, now lying there unable to move, think, breathe, sleep, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my world would never be the same again. Randomly waking up in the early hours of the morning is something I rarely do, so waking up at 3:06 am looking around my room, seeing Kierra also happen to wake up wasn’t right. Looking over at my phone, seeing Mrs. Jennie was calling me, I hesitantly answered, unsure of what to expect. Still half asleep, I asked, “Hello?”. Is everything okay?”…
It was unusually cold on this morning of September 11th, 2001, and my alarm had just went off. The odd but needed 5 am. was when I woke up, because my flight was going to leave around 8:30 and I needed to be there on time. The reason I was flying to San Francisco was I was having a family reunion with my dad, my step-mom, and my step-brothers. So, I jumped in the shower quickly with joy and excitement. I hadn't seen my family in forever since I had gotten a job as the assistant of the manager in Ralph Lauren Headquarters. I had just gotten my hair dried as I heard my phone ring. It was dad, making sure that I was on my way. I talked to him for a few minutes and then hung up. I glanced at the clock and realized…
At the beginning of my high school days when I was a freshman or “fish” as the upperclassmen would call us, I never knew where I really belonged. Every clique or group that I tried to become a part of did not truly fit my personality. Just like the upperclassmen had said, I felt like a small fish in an even bigger sea. It all changed when one day a pep rally was held in honor of our first football game of the season. As I sat in the rickety bleachers and watched the cocky football players walk out followed by the overly-spirited cheerleaders, I sat back in dismay. But then following the cheerleaders,…
Friday, October 24th was the day I almost died. I got in a life-threatening car accident. My seatbelt saved my life. If I didn’t have my seatbelt on when I wrecked I would be dead even with medical attention. I swerved to prevent a wreck between the black suv, the other car involved in the accident at fault, and myself by swerving. Swerving may not have been the best idea because I lost control of the car and ended up, upside down in a ditch with a completely missing window, a caved in roof that would have collapsed on my head if I was a tiny bit taller, a cracked all over windshield, a demolished side mirror barley attached to the car, a lot of dents, out of place tires, bits of glass inside the car, and broken inside mirrors.…
I was working on a school project when I got a call from my dad saying he was coming right away to come pick me up, I remember the sheathing anger I felt arguing that no he wasn’t going to pick me up that I really needed to finish this school project. I still shake my head in dismay knowing the fact I in fact didn’t need to finish the project I just wanted to hang out with my friends. I can’t pretend that I didn’t sulk my way to my dad’s waiting vehicle that I looked at him with a scowl across my face. Nor can I wipe away from my memory the words he said next “Your sister is in the hospital, she’s lost her baby and she’s asking for you.” This complete wash of emotion that came over me the shame the concern I was mortified with myself. How could I have been so mad about my importance when my sister had just faced a devastating event? Looking up and saying “Take me to her.”…
Matriculating from a child into a young lady, the color of my skin often times influenced how I felt about myself and who I could be as an individual in society. As I sat in the front of the class at a predominately white school or walked down the hallways, I anticipated the moment that I would yet again be called another racial name- sometimes from those who looked similar to me but did not understand the essence of their doings. Reaching my final year in middle school, I began to define myself in a way that encompassed the names I was called. Instead of describing myself as the intellect I was or by my astounding level of accomplishments, I defined myself as someone who must be unfortunate to be African-American. Witnessing very few African-American women being presented in a positive manner in the news, learning my entire history and heritage in a single textbook chapter, and hearing demeaning words merely because of my dark skin tone inhibited me from seeing what roles I was capable of having in society. I often times asked…
- to find myself enrolled in a Maryland public school. The school’s teachers and counselors collaborated to get to the pathology of my academic challenges. I was reborn. I was more than another black boy from a disadvantaged background or the Lower 9th Ward. I was Christian. I was no longer invisible. This was my first introduction to democracy - to having an identity. This is when I learned that my academic progress may have been stunned by Attention Deficit Disorder. Eager for growth, looking for a positive outcome, I was willing to accept anything that rationalize my lackluster grades. Anything that justified my existence; anything that signified a greater purpose in life. I graduated from high school, but I was rejected from every single college I applied to with the exception of one. In my mind, college was the thing that validated something that eluded me until I opened that letter - relative worth. Yet the majority of the kids I grew up with - still displaced - finishing high school in Houston, Dallas, Atlanta, and Lord knows where else weren’t going to college. Like me, they were combating the inherited ignorance such as “College isn’t for everyone.” The other shock-jock phrases would include “Some people are simply good with their hands” and “The military is a good option.” It’s not that these statements are false as much as they are remnants of…
I can remember all the way back to when I was a young child in elementary. I didn’t think much about the kids around me or how they lived and I can honestly say that very few kids stick out from those years maybe because it seemed to me at the time that we were all pretty much the same except for our physical appearances. What I can remember about the kids in junior high school was the need to fit in and be liked at all costs. Making fashion statements were much more important than answering the question about the meaning of life. High school though became a stepping stone into the complex and dynamic reality of the world around me that I had never investigated nor even identified. Beginning with my freshman year I encountered many more students than I ever thought I would. I started to notice quite quickly that the school population was extremely diverse and segmented. Groups were everywhere; jocks, nerds, gothic kids, trouble makers, and of course the ever present popular kids. This was the first time I could see with my own eyes the fact that we were actually quite different from each other. Kids that I had befriended in junior high slowing began to change and pull away from me for reasons that were not understandable to me at the time. In actuality, not only were they going through changes but I was going through them as well. My taste in clothes, music, sports, and my views on certain topics began to expand and diversify. Yet I started to realize that in doing so meant leaving my old friends behind and meeting new ones. My family had always been a cornerstone in my life who established my belief system as far as religion and values and therefore the perspective on the young life I had led up until that point. That upbringing enabled me to be able to compare and contrast the beliefs and ideas of others with my own and so the journey into the world of high school led me to come face to face with that very opportunity. One example which stands out in my mind…
I can never forget November 15, 2006. As I close my eyes and take a deep breath my memory paints the blues, browns, greens, and every other color associated with the horrible recollection. It was around 10:45 a.m., and the house smelled of pine-sol and gain washing powder. My mother was up and about cleaning. I was still sandwiched in between the covers and my bed although the sun smiled as it peeked through my window. The phone sang its song frantically until my mother said “Hello“. From my room, I could hear my mother gasp for breath in the living room. I dashed to the living room to find my mother sobbing deeply. The angels had decided to recruit my grandmother as a member of their team. On her way home the night before while the stars shined their brightest, her red two door car was demolished by the large silver monster call the side rails.…
Imagine being a 23 year old male, six feet two inches, broad shoulders, a scruffy beard, and walking through Chicago in the late evening. Oh I forgot to mention one thing, also imagine being African-American. African-Americans have always been assumed to be up to no good or to be big trouble makers. That is a stereotype that we see become reality in some places, but also see to be completely false in other areas. In the essay “Just Walk on By” by Brent Staples, he describes a couple of his encounters with other pedestrians while walking through different cities. He talks about the development of a thug and the mindset of a young thug. Youngsters find out early that the intimidation factor can get you what you want by simply taking it. After the intimidation factor is discovered, the so called “tough guy” is created. Not every boy that learns the intimidation factor is a tough guy, such as Staples. He was shy but managed to survive that way. Some might think this the coward way to go about life, but to Staples surviving is more important than being the tough guy.…
Seeking teenager’s glory, I stumbled upon a group of guys who in my eyes were instantly the rock starts of secondary school. I admired the fame and attention they got from all other students. In my head I knew that I wanted to be just like them. I didn’t care back then if their actions were good or bad. I began observing and imitating their social behavior so closely. I began doing anything they did so they could accept me into their social circle. Soon enough, it started off with drifting after school putting our lives in danger, to stealing my father’s car, to disobeying elders, to skipping classes and not performing well in school to smoking cigarettes ruining my health, to initially ignoring my religious duties and eventually stopped praying. I was now officially a member of this social circle. I wasted my precious youth years of secondary school indulging in irresponsible negative activities.…
On January 8, 2008, I left for work at 5:30 am with coffee in hand and my backpack strapped tight ready to start my busy day. (I was a driver for DHL). I said my goodbyes and I love you’s to my parents as I walked out of the door. To my surprise it would have been the last time I would have spoken to my father. Around 6am, that morning, my father decided to take his own life for reasons unknown. I received a phone call, at 7am, from my brother-in-law telling me I needed to come home. Something happened to my dad, he said. When I arrived home there were people everywhere. Ambulance’s, police vehicle’s, and fire rescue units, lined the street in front of my house.…
I saw myself as a simple girl that would never be notice when put in the middle of the crowd. I didn’t possess anything special; something that can catch everyone’s attention. But as I go by, I perceived that life isn’t that unfair! It’s unfair to everyone and that makes it fair. Back to my elementary life, I ranked fifth when I’m on my second grade then down one spot on my third. After it, I got my fifth place back but suddenly I slipped it again when I was on my fifth grade. That’s the time when I realized that I’m missing some important things of being who you are, the faith and self-confidence. My sixth grade adviser, friends, and family always push me to anything that can help me be a better person. They told me not to give up no matter how hopeless the situation is.…
May 2014 was by far one of the most life changing moments I ever experienced,On Sunday mornings we always hope to have that extra sleep we have been missing the whole working week. It was a warm, clear day. The laptop was on, the music was slow and I didn't have a care in the world.All of a sudden there was a loud noise outside my door & continuous bell rings. I opened door to see my room partner ketan seriously wounded. he sustained injuries on head and his face was covered with blood. his nose was bleeding and his arms and legs were badly bruised. I was frozen to my core to see him, I dint knew what to do I just stood shocked and numb.he came tumbling in the room and crashed on the floor with heavy breath as if he was out of breath.…