What Is Belonging Essay

Strange is the fact that we insistently look for things that unite us, that are common. But we are so similar! And at the same time absolutely different. Maybe, that's one of the paradoxes in human life. Close, and yet, in continuous feverish search for facts that confirm this closeness. It's striking how strong this aspiration of man for company, for union and oneness is, how permanent is our instinct for escape from loneliness. On this very need, the need to belong, is based society. Everyone has experienced it - the loneliness, this overwhelming feeling of being cast out, misunderstood or discriminated. Everybody has either been forced or has forced others (consciously or not) to accept the prevailing opinion in company, to make compromises.
Otherwise one runs the risk of staying alone. These are the most important features in human relationships - to be flexible, tolerant and able to make compromise. They are also the basis of a society with the aspiration for union. Without these features there would be no society. But in us, as an unconscious reassurance prevails, the trend to attune the others to our manner, to impose our stereotypes on them as if trying to equalize the difference (if it is possible) exists. It is said "Loneliness kills". In fact, what aren't we ready to do for the sake of our relationships in society? We can find expressions of the need to belong everywhere around us, just look around. In the words for almost every object, occasion, creature we find either the description or the origin of the named "thing". Take even our names. The forename identifies the individual and his/her surname - the family, the group of people to which this person belongs. Let's take an example: David Johnson is an American writer, he was born in Chicago and lives there. The fore- and sur- names define the person himself and his origin - the family he comes from. Besides this man is a subject of the USA and a citizen of Chicago, Illinois. Namely, he's one of all the Americans living in Illinois, more definitely in Chicago. And all people inhabiting a place, no matter whether it is a continent, a country, a city, even a residential area, they have something in common. This place links them - the habits there, the feelings they have towards it unite them. Moreover, David is a writer, he belongs to the enormous group of writers not only in his country, but also in the world. He has something in common with all other writers, he may not share their fame or misfortune or their ideas, but he has also devoted his life to literature. So you see how society is formed from many sub-societies - groups of people having something in common? And what is the conclusion? Though we are so different and unique, every one of us feels the need to belong. It plays a very significant role in our life - it is connected with identity and identification. There are many facts that can prove this statement. Let's look at another example - that of emigrants: An African woman marries an Italian and they both live and work in France, for instance. Their child is also born there. However, the child in question is neither Italian, nor African, and though it's a subject of France and on paper is French by nationality, the blood in his veins is not French. So here's the great problem - identity. Of course, in this particular case it depends on the parents, how they will bring up their child. But the question remains - who is this person? Surely the statement that we've inherited this instinct from animals is not so amazing - in wildlife the need to belong to a certain group ensures the survival of the species. It is related to self-preservation - the individuals from the group defend and help each other. Furthermore, just like with animals our whole being, our relationships are completely based on our needs and instincts, never mind whether we're aware of them or not. The need to belong is related somehow to the possessive instinct too. Who am I?
Nobody as a part of society - one of the many, but actually an individual with his/her own characteristics and typical features. You are nobody when you don't belong to a group and yet, you're no one without your possessions either. With regard to this, 'abilities' are also considered as a kind of possession. Someone may ask, " I have my property and my abilities, then why do I need the group?" No one could live alone. No one. Apart from the need to belong, humans need to communicate as well. When we stop communicating, when we cease to get in touch with the people around us, we lose trust in one another. And where there's no trust, there can be no mutual respect. No mutual respect - no society. Similarly there's a view that the need to belong is connected with unconscious fears and vulnerability. For instance, one may easily manipulate us by threatening the "thing" we possess or love, the group to which we belong. We all need safety. We can find it only as a part of a group. Everybody needs somebody to love, to talk to, to quarrel with (and then make up), sometimes simply to put an arm around your shoulder. We need to know that somewhere there's always something, someone, who needs us, someone who listens and cares about
us. That makes us feel stronger, somehow worthwhile and secure. The group's safety is our safety. That's why we have to make our world safer, then we'll feel better in our respective groups and that will help us to survive. No one can make it alone. It's just one of the many laws of life.