Why Are Asian Kids Not Allowed To Date Essay
Rachel Legaspi
English 1301
Ed Luter
“Why are Most Asian Kids Not Allowed to Date until They Graduate from College?”
“No, you cannot date. Not until you graduate from college.” Those words could be the worst thing that most Asian children will ever hear. It is almost common for an Asian household to implement this rule on their kids, especially with their daughters. Nine out of ten of my Asian friends are being asked to finish school first before they get to be in a relationship. It is almost as if a Bachelor’s degree is a ticket to falling in love “legally”.
Asians are known for keeping the sanctity of marriage a lot. They’re also known for strictly keeping the traditions in the present generations and the future ones. The most kept tradition is when parents make themselves too involved in their daughter or son’s love life. For example, Indians aren’t allowed to choose their partner by their own will. The parents search for a potential spouse for their child. It is usually the mothers who look for them and once they find them, they start to negotiate or settle an arrangement with the other family. When the agreement is made, the next step is to introduce the couple-to-be to each other and start the engagement. The next are the Koreans, …show more content…
they are bit different from the Indians. Korean mothers set up blind dates for their children. They usually go to a matchmaker to get the dates they want to set up with their child. The dating will go on until the perfect person comes along. These traditions are still being kept until now and they usually occur when they believe that their child is physically, mentally, and emotionally equipped for such a big commitment. Which what most parents consider when their children graduate from college. Most of us would think it is absurd and unfair, but it is what a lot of Asian kids go through. Now the question is: why do Asian parents make themselves so involved in finding their child’s soul mate? Why would they have to put such conditions on their kids? Why do they have to obtain a Bachelor’s Degree first before they can start dating? Why can’t they just let destiny and cupid do their job?
I’ve interviewed several Asian parents about this and each of them has brought up interesting points. A mother of three children has said, “I firmly stick with it because I want my kids to be able to focus on more important things in life: values, education, career, faith, and growth. Most Asians parents believe that you just have to be with the one, no practice needed. You’ll just know when you meet the person, at the right age and time. Loving is a natural instinct and commitment comes from character.” This is true; many young people sometimes tend to give it all because of being blinded by the intensity of their emotions at the moment.
A young adult who was in a seven year relationship and is now married has said, “Although this rule wasn't imposed on me, I still chose to follow it. I think parents are just concerned of our future. They are just afraid that young girls might fall in love deeply before getting a degree and that would be a problem especially when you get pregnant early as of most young mothers weren't able to continue schooling.” This has happened a lot in many relationships and I think this is what most parents fear about. Disgrace to their family and fear of incapability of their daughter to support the baby are the issues that most parents are concerned about.
My mother who got pregnant at my current age, 20, has said to me, “Your Papa and I had a hard life. Raising you and your three other siblings, and sending ourselves to school weren’t easy. Especially that we were very young when we first had your Ate [older sister]. Providing for basic needs was already a challenge. Yes, we got through all of them, but it’s certainly wasn’t a walk in the park. Those hardships can be avoided, if only we waited for a little bit longer. Anak [my child], I can’t allow you and your siblings to go through the same thing”.
These facts were a bunch of things that in my early teen years didn’t even come through my head. And for many of us, to get a Bachelor’s degree is too long a wait. Now, is it really possible for kids to restrain themselves from falling in love? Not to mention living with the message that society that gives us. “Follow your heart’s content, because nothing else matters (even if it is wrong), but your happiness.”
A young adult has expressed her thoughts in an online forum called My Mom is a Fob, in contrast to what the parents have said, “I understand that people don't want to go against their parents' wishes, but it's YOUR LIFE! Seriously, take some control and responsibility for your own happiness. When people get married, they're usually in their 20s or 30s, how are you going to let your parents control what you do at that age? As long as you're not doing something irresponsible while you're dating (staying out past your curfew, fooling around and being irresponsible about it, falling behind in your school work, or stealing money from your parents to go on a date, etc.), I don't see why it's such a big deal. Dating helps you understand what you want in a future relationship and as long as you're mature enough to handle it, you should decide for yourself whether or not to start dating. Parents should be there to give advice and GUIDE you through life, not live it for you.”
She did make good points, and to be honest it is very hard to avoid from falling in love.
Besides, there really is no guarantee that these youngsters will follow their parents completely. A good example would be what most dieters confess whenever they over indulge themselves in the food that they are deprived of. It’s like when you give up a food that you like, and then it will most likely become your focus. It will constantly bug your mind and you will just end up eating it anyway. Only this time it’s worse, because desperately deprived people tend to eat more than the ones who are moderately eating. That’s why the kids that are hindered from dating are more likely to disobey them and enter this relationship,
unguided. I’m not suggesting that they let their children do whatever pleases them. What I’m suggesting is balance, because anything too much is bad. There has to be a sense of equality between parents and children. I suggest that the parents won’t try to shove off dating completely from their child, because no matter what they’ll do, it will still be come back both to them and to their child’s faces. I hope they become more open to it, since they also have gone through it when they were our age. No other person can exactly explain what a person in love goes through than their own parents. This way their child can share his or her struggle to their parents, and not to their friends that could give them bad advice. Its better when the parents can guide their children in return, not figure things out on their own, and end up making really bad decisions.
I’m a child who grew up hearing all those “sermons” from different mothers, mostly from my mommy. I was told that I was not allowed to date until I get a Bachelor’s degree and to be honest, I disobeyed them. I went out with someone I am truly in love with, behind my parents’ backs. I made some bad decisions, and have led me to a minor trouble. Now, we are in a situation where we both wished she has guided me through it, instead of completely erasing it from me. We both have learned that completely following one’s desire is not possible at all. You have to meet halfway. This way no one would get hurt and she could guide me through my relationship as well. Today, she finally has allowed me to continue my relationship with my boyfriend who is in the Philippines. I believe that I am now “legally in love” as long as I follow their conditions: A college degree, to strive hard to be successful in our careers, and to restrain from sexual bonds until marriage. I personally think that having a relationship is not a necessity, it is just an add on, a gift from God that is made to help you to become better in life. You shouldn’t commit to it until you’re physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally ready. Like what the Bible has said, “Everything is made beautiful in God’s time.” You cannot rush yourself into it. If it is not done right, then you’re just more likely to just hurt yourself. Love is supposed to make you and not destroy you. To end this, I would just like to quote what my friend has once told me, “You only let your significant other be a complement to your life and not a supplement”.
English 1301
Ed Luter
“Why are Most Asian Kids Not Allowed to Date until They Graduate from College?”
“No, you cannot date. Not until you graduate from college.” Those words could be the worst thing that most Asian children will ever hear. It is almost common for an Asian household to implement this rule on their kids, especially with their daughters. Nine out of ten of my Asian friends are being asked to finish school first before they get to be in a relationship. It is almost as if a Bachelor’s degree is a ticket to falling in love “legally”.
Asians are known for keeping the sanctity of marriage a lot. They’re also known for strictly keeping the traditions in the present generations and the future ones. The most kept tradition is when parents make themselves too involved in their daughter or son’s love life. For example, Indians aren’t allowed to choose their partner by their own will. The parents search for a potential spouse for their child. It is usually the mothers who look for them and once they find them, they start to negotiate or settle an arrangement with the other family. When the agreement is made, the next step is to introduce the couple-to-be to each other and start the engagement. The next are the Koreans, …show more content…
they are bit different from the Indians. Korean mothers set up blind dates for their children. They usually go to a matchmaker to get the dates they want to set up with their child. The dating will go on until the perfect person comes along. These traditions are still being kept until now and they usually occur when they believe that their child is physically, mentally, and emotionally equipped for such a big commitment. Which what most parents consider when their children graduate from college. Most of us would think it is absurd and unfair, but it is what a lot of Asian kids go through. Now the question is: why do Asian parents make themselves so involved in finding their child’s soul mate? Why would they have to put such conditions on their kids? Why do they have to obtain a Bachelor’s Degree first before they can start dating? Why can’t they just let destiny and cupid do their job?
I’ve interviewed several Asian parents about this and each of them has brought up interesting points. A mother of three children has said, “I firmly stick with it because I want my kids to be able to focus on more important things in life: values, education, career, faith, and growth. Most Asians parents believe that you just have to be with the one, no practice needed. You’ll just know when you meet the person, at the right age and time. Loving is a natural instinct and commitment comes from character.” This is true; many young people sometimes tend to give it all because of being blinded by the intensity of their emotions at the moment.
A young adult who was in a seven year relationship and is now married has said, “Although this rule wasn't imposed on me, I still chose to follow it. I think parents are just concerned of our future. They are just afraid that young girls might fall in love deeply before getting a degree and that would be a problem especially when you get pregnant early as of most young mothers weren't able to continue schooling.” This has happened a lot in many relationships and I think this is what most parents fear about. Disgrace to their family and fear of incapability of their daughter to support the baby are the issues that most parents are concerned about.
My mother who got pregnant at my current age, 20, has said to me, “Your Papa and I had a hard life. Raising you and your three other siblings, and sending ourselves to school weren’t easy. Especially that we were very young when we first had your Ate [older sister]. Providing for basic needs was already a challenge. Yes, we got through all of them, but it’s certainly wasn’t a walk in the park. Those hardships can be avoided, if only we waited for a little bit longer. Anak [my child], I can’t allow you and your siblings to go through the same thing”.
These facts were a bunch of things that in my early teen years didn’t even come through my head. And for many of us, to get a Bachelor’s degree is too long a wait. Now, is it really possible for kids to restrain themselves from falling in love? Not to mention living with the message that society that gives us. “Follow your heart’s content, because nothing else matters (even if it is wrong), but your happiness.”
A young adult has expressed her thoughts in an online forum called My Mom is a Fob, in contrast to what the parents have said, “I understand that people don't want to go against their parents' wishes, but it's YOUR LIFE! Seriously, take some control and responsibility for your own happiness. When people get married, they're usually in their 20s or 30s, how are you going to let your parents control what you do at that age? As long as you're not doing something irresponsible while you're dating (staying out past your curfew, fooling around and being irresponsible about it, falling behind in your school work, or stealing money from your parents to go on a date, etc.), I don't see why it's such a big deal. Dating helps you understand what you want in a future relationship and as long as you're mature enough to handle it, you should decide for yourself whether or not to start dating. Parents should be there to give advice and GUIDE you through life, not live it for you.”
She did make good points, and to be honest it is very hard to avoid from falling in love.
Besides, there really is no guarantee that these youngsters will follow their parents completely. A good example would be what most dieters confess whenever they over indulge themselves in the food that they are deprived of. It’s like when you give up a food that you like, and then it will most likely become your focus. It will constantly bug your mind and you will just end up eating it anyway. Only this time it’s worse, because desperately deprived people tend to eat more than the ones who are moderately eating. That’s why the kids that are hindered from dating are more likely to disobey them and enter this relationship,
unguided. I’m not suggesting that they let their children do whatever pleases them. What I’m suggesting is balance, because anything too much is bad. There has to be a sense of equality between parents and children. I suggest that the parents won’t try to shove off dating completely from their child, because no matter what they’ll do, it will still be come back both to them and to their child’s faces. I hope they become more open to it, since they also have gone through it when they were our age. No other person can exactly explain what a person in love goes through than their own parents. This way their child can share his or her struggle to their parents, and not to their friends that could give them bad advice. Its better when the parents can guide their children in return, not figure things out on their own, and end up making really bad decisions.
I’m a child who grew up hearing all those “sermons” from different mothers, mostly from my mommy. I was told that I was not allowed to date until I get a Bachelor’s degree and to be honest, I disobeyed them. I went out with someone I am truly in love with, behind my parents’ backs. I made some bad decisions, and have led me to a minor trouble. Now, we are in a situation where we both wished she has guided me through it, instead of completely erasing it from me. We both have learned that completely following one’s desire is not possible at all. You have to meet halfway. This way no one would get hurt and she could guide me through my relationship as well. Today, she finally has allowed me to continue my relationship with my boyfriend who is in the Philippines. I believe that I am now “legally in love” as long as I follow their conditions: A college degree, to strive hard to be successful in our careers, and to restrain from sexual bonds until marriage. I personally think that having a relationship is not a necessity, it is just an add on, a gift from God that is made to help you to become better in life. You shouldn’t commit to it until you’re physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally ready. Like what the Bible has said, “Everything is made beautiful in God’s time.” You cannot rush yourself into it. If it is not done right, then you’re just more likely to just hurt yourself. Love is supposed to make you and not destroy you. To end this, I would just like to quote what my friend has once told me, “You only let your significant other be a complement to your life and not a supplement”.