Why Do Women Need Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships should never be acceptable, but many women believe they contributed or deserve the abuse. Being in an abusive relationship is something no one individual should go through. So why do women and men accept this way of life? Though there are many reasons for the abuser to abuse his or her partners, abuse should never be accepted as a way of life. A common attribution battered women make about themselves is that they somehow provoked the violence or that they should have been able to prevent it by changing their own behavior (Hyden, 1999; Towns & Adams, 2000) Page 366. This matter of thinking is truly believed by the abused individual. It is strange to think that you deserve a beating because maybe you did not close a cabinet or fold towels correctly, or as simple as looking at a direction you should not have been. An abused
individual needs to realize somehow that things cannot always be perfect, but that is not a reason for them to allow abuse.
Many women feel shame and guilt for not being able to leave the abuser, thereby exposing their children to MFIPV. As a result, many women are reluctant to disclose their problems to family and friends or to seek help (Lindgren & Rench, 2008) Page 366. It is my thought that if an abused individual had higher self-esteem of one’s self and confident that they will survive on their own also, much of the abuse could be avoided. Once a person has been abused they start to feel less likable to themselves, depressed, more fearful, possible anxiety, and of course they feel helpless. Many abused victims develop posttraumatic stress disorder shortly after they leave the abusive environment. One survey disclosed that 80% of female victims had sustained facial injuries,
but doctors frequently overlooked the possibility of consequent brain damage. Some of these brain injuries cause permanent disabilities (M.E. Banks, 2007) Page 372. How is it possible that doctors are quick acknowledge with great concern when a sports related head injury has occurred, a blow to the head, but yet dismiss what head trauma abused victims go through with head injuries? Survivors are also likely to receive negative reactions from friends and family members. This is when we, as family and friends, should support the abused person. We need to stand up for what is right and help abused individuals if we can. My daughter was in an abused relationship for several years. I would beg and plead with her to leave, but she was as stubborn and feared if she would leave him he would kill her. After a beating that she received that almost killed her, she finally accepted that this was not a life she wanted to live. She went into hiding, in a different city, and after 3 years came out of hiding with many regrets. She has a lot of health and physical issues, depression, anxiety, anger, and worst was the diagnosis of posttraumatic stress disorder. She struggles daily with these issues, but is grateful to be alive and able to talk about them. She helps to counsel others that are in similar circumstances, but as she has stated, it is not an easy place to be in life. Many people do not realize why they stay, but she has mentioned numerous times is all they truly need is support from someone who can help in their time of need. As we know our world is not perfect, but as humans, we all need to make the effort to step in and make a difference where we can, no one deserves to live a life of abuse. We must work getting individuals educated to understand how this started and what needs to be done to stop the cycle. Many abusers were abused as young children or were around to see the abuse to their parent or other siblings. Educate people to know where they can find resources to get out of these situations. Have resources available to those who are truly trying to get out of these types of abusive relationships also.