Why Does Langston Hughes Feel Badly In Salvation

Why does Langston Hughes feel so badly in ‘Salvation’?
A time comes in everybody's life when they need to be "saved." When this happens a spiritual bond is formed within that individual. In Langston Hughes' essay, "Salvation," that bond is broken because Langston isn't truthfully saved. When he doesn’t see Jesus in the church at the
A young Langston finds himself trapped into obedience just because the congregation wants him to go up and get “saved”, and therefore he ventures to the altar as if he has seen the light of the Holy Spirit. The struggles he faces while trying his best to conform to familial mandates, a battle he fights within himself until there is nothing left for him but to servile makes him feel enormously bad. He finds it disappointing to everyone in the church. So, he finally gets "saved" by pretending to have seen Jesus. As a result, a feeling of guilt from lying to everyone in the church makes him unhappy.
Being told to worship and honor Jesus blindly, raised many questions in his mind and before his relationship could grow with Jesus he needed them answered. In our lives, many of our decisions are influenced by the loved ones, and often we suspend our goals and aspirations in the fear of not receiving approval. When Hughes mentions: "So I decided that maybe to save further trouble, I'd rather lie, too, and say that Jesus had come, and get up and be saved ", he has apparently overlooked his personal belief to receive an approval of Salvation by the