Why Is Grief Important

Grief can be a hard thing to conquer

“Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that
Develops the powers of the mind”. Marcel Proust

Grief, it is a part of life. We all have to deal with it sometime in our lives, whether it be the loss of a loved one, beloved pets or something like the loss of a job. The longer the emotional tie to that which we lost, the greater the grief tends to be. Myself, I have experienced more grief by fifty-six years than a person should have to deal with in a lifetime. First was my grandfather on my mother’s side, I was five and of course five year olds aren’t going to understand what is going on, but I do remember I cried over it. Then my uncle,
my mother’s sister’s husband died a few years later.

From there it continued with the death of beloved pets, my grandmother on my mother’s side, my mother, more beloved pets, my father, some people I worked with in law enforcement which is a kind of brother/sisterhood anyway. My mother’s sister, both grandparents on my father’s side, still more beloved pets and to
Date my uncle on my mother’s side.

Grief can be a hard thing to Conquer Page 2 By Art Croswell

Then my wife’s mother, aunt and uncle died at different times and I had to help her get through those. Now her sister has stage two cancer and she is trying to deal with that. Through all of these difficulties I have found ways to cope and eventually come to terms with the losses. Myself, having a mental disorder of Major
Depression, certainly did not make dealing with them any easier. Sometimes it is hard enough to deal with everyday life, but when you add in things like these it really becomes hard. They say
“Time heals all wounds”, I do not believe that to be true. The wounds are still part of you. Time does give you the capability to
Learn to cope and hopefully finally accept the loss or losses.

Learning to cope and deal with grief is kind of like learning to float on your back when you are first learning to swim. At first
You are afraid, then you tell yourself “I can’t do it”, then “Why
Do I have to learn to do this?” Then as you become more comfortable
In the water you try it and you realize how soothing and comforting it is and you finally accept you can do it.
Grief can be a hard thing to Conquer Page 3 By Art Croswell

Most of my dealings with grief have been extremely difficult. I realize that my having major depression only mad things that much worse. Holding the pain of grief in and not acknowledging it
Will just make it that much harder to cope with in the long run.
You have to face it, acknowledge it, and finally accept and come to peace with it.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you everyone has the same reactions to grief, they don’t. Different people react differently
To one degree or another, some more emotional than others, some no emotion at all. Just because someone is breaking down and crying like a baby doesn’t mean they are not hurting just as bad. It differs from person to person just as the time to adjust does.

There are no hard and fast rules on how long it takes to grieve, again that differs from person to person. There are basically five stages of grief, they are:
Denial – you don’t believe or accept something has happened
Anger – “Why is this happening?”
Bargaining – “If you make this happen, then I will….”
Depression – “I’m too sad to do
anything”.
Acceptance – This is when you finally acknowledge what has happened and finally come to terms with it. Grief is a multifaceted response to loss and it takes multifaceted steps to come to where you face it, acknowledge it, and accept it.

Some people take years to finally learn to deal with grief, some people never do, and they are emotionally traumatized for the rest of their lives. Some things that help dealing with grief are
Friends, family members, self-help groups, psychiatrists, this is when it has been quite a while. They say the grieving should not go beyond two weeks, then it changes to major depression if you
Dwell on it and don’t seek some kind of release.

Grief is very difficult to deal with, in my personal experience I guess I’m lucky that I have found ways to acknowledge
And accept my losses and try to move on from there. It has been a “hard row to hoe”, but somehow I believe I have come to terms with
My losses and I believe I’m ok now. That’s not to say I don’t remember my loved ones, I do, but I know they are better off now.
I can go on with what’s left of my life and someday hopefully I
Will see them again.