On the 15th of July, 2011 the day my dearest grandmother passed away. “I’ll always be with you”, her very last words. I still vaguely remember clutching her hands, weeping, begging her not to sleep but now its nothing more than a vivid memory 2 years ago. Yet her face still haunts my once pleasant dreams. Her presence still lingers in my heart.
My grandmother’s belongings reminisce bringing me more anguish. School became a hassle...my friends became distant...all I did was grieve. I started to lose my sanity...convincing myself that I was forlorn though my parents were there all along. I cried until my pillow was soaked with tears every night. She captivated me with her resonating light, nut now I’m in a bind by the life she left behind.
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that she is no longer here. Nonetheless I’m suppressed by my childish fears. When I’d cried she’d wipe away all of my tears, when I’d scream she’d fight away all of my fears and she held my hand through all of these years but my selfishness is something I’ll never be able to persevere.
There’s just too much that time cannot erase. As these growing emotions engulfed me. The wounds are so deep that they won’t seem to heal. . My World was black and white, beauty rotted away. A constant constricting in my chest as I wonder “how can they be so happy?”
I wavered empty for 1 year until I realised I had control of my life. Suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I looked for the good things in life and cherished it. The past was the past, the present is now and the future is oblivious. Moving on to a me!
You May Also Find These Documents Helpful
-
She had said goodbye to someone else’s lover for them, she had arrived to be too late, twice. She had torn lives apart millions of times, and only now, was hers torn apart itself.…
- 2115 Words
- 9 Pages
Better Essays -
Have you ever had something beautiful in your life once, but someone tore it away from you, and destroyed it? You ever have the feeling that nothing matters to you anymore?. If you have ever had this experience, All you get is the memory, and the hurt. This song is what it’s all about, the memories that haunts you; and you only have only one way to escape, and that is, focusing on physical pain. Physical pain is the not only a way to relieve you from your memories.…
- 378 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
While I look down at it, I think of a boy I once knew, of how, for a short time, he was a dash of color in my monochrome world. I think of how I drew him flowers; how one morning, he stood silently behind me and watched me draw them with a broken pen; how he swiped the card I drew them on away from me and held it close to his eyes, smiling, telling me how much he liked them. I remember going home that night and painting flowers the same strawberry pink as the tulip resting in my fingers, and I remember drawing those flowers again in black and white a week later. Those I drew on an envelope with his name written in large cursive letters in the middle. Inside was a goodbye I knew…
- 1952 Words
- 8 Pages
Better Essays -
I never thought me, of all people, would experience such a sorrowful day. I have tried to forget it time and time again; but the reality is I will always remember every miniscule detail, moment, word, and facial expression on that particular day. My heart managed to shatter into a million pieces, leaving me without a reason to pursue my existence. My salty tears freely rolled down my warm cheeks, causing my eyes to burn sensationally. I remember mourning on the comforting shoulders of my family members, as they too were consumed by their feelings. The most valuable lesson that beared a reservation in my spirit was to cherish every moment and loved one, for tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. I wish I could have fathom this reality before the climactic tragedy struck me like a ton of bricks. Although death is normal, it seemed almost foreign when it abducted the life of my favorite uncle.…
- 1141 Words
- 5 Pages
Good Essays -
All I can or want think about is my family, the girls or my my friends and sadly the horrifying pain which I know won't last for long. I guess it's weird how time slows down, we your about to do but decide to use it wisely cause I don’t have much left, Its all most like if time is frozen around me. I remember a memory when I had it all, but I guess you don’t appreciate something until gone. It was one cloudy afternoon, it feels like centuries ago… I was being clasic me, being a prick and being funny, Ive changed so much, it's like we are two different people that wouldn’t get on with each other if they met.…
- 1169 Words
- 5 Pages
Good Essays -
Men desired her and women courted her friendship. They always had. Somehow, for many years I had been the source of her happiness, but now when I turn and look at I her I merely see all the pain I have caused. As she sniffles in beat to my crying, I see the rawness in her tears, like her pain is an open wound.…
- 1693 Words
- 7 Pages
Better Essays -
At just about the hour when my father died, soon after dawn one February morning when ice coated the windows like cataracts, I banged my thumb with a hammer. Naturally I swore at the hammers the reckless thing, and in the moment of swearing I thought of what my father would say: "If you'd try hitting the nail it would go in a whole lot faster. Don't you know your thumb's not as hard as that hammer?" We both were doing carpentry that day, but far apart. He was building cupboards at my brother's place in Oklahoma; I was at home in Indiana, putting up a wall in the basement to make a bedroom for my daughter. By the time my mother called with news of his death--the long distance wires whittling her voice until it seemed too thin to bear the weight of what she had to say-my thumb was swollen. A week or so later a white scar in the shape of a crescent moon began to show above the cuticle and month by month it rose across the pink sky of my thumbnail. It took the better part of a year for the scar to disappear, and every time I noticed it I thought of my father.…
- 3540 Words
- 15 Pages
Powerful Essays -
Today is one of those rare days in which it is raining and I’m sitting on the windowsill waiting for a sign. Something that says ‘move on’. There is still a part of me that hopes every day that you're alive and I haven't found you yet. I will have searched the far corners of the earth before I let myself believe you dead. I dream of you every night, then wake with the bitter taste of regret fresh in my mouth. You abandoned me. You have marooned me on this earth, and it is dark without your light by my side. All that fills my mind is when you were still beside me. I distinctly recall one summer when we were not quite children anymore and still too young to be adults. It was raining so hard that the streets were flooded for the first time in eighty years, and you had insisted on escaping to the desert.…
- 315 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
My grandma's condition wasn't anything but hard for me and my family to deal with. Everyday with her was a roller coaster that held many twists and turns and couldn't stay on the track. If you didn't hold on tight, you’d thrown off. You never knew what she would remember each morning that she woke. Some days she would know the date and she was aware of her surroundings, while other days (which weren’t so great), she'd be back in time when her husband was alive and she’d call for him. Then she’d be puzzled as to why he wouldn't call her name back. When my mom would bear her the bad news he has been gone for years, my great grandma turned as silent as a mouse for the remainder of the day, wallowing in her sorrow. Yet, as her memory faded, mine…
- 475 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
We think these protective walls will shield us from the broken world but they only prevent us from knowing our full potential. And I didn’t know that these walls were false perceptions of security. So I would numb and hide my feelings. And I was silent. But I thought living in my own ideal world meant that I could escape dealing with my problems. It was a world that made sense to me. So I spent years living on the other side of my built up walls of loneliness, fear, and anxiety. And no matter how hard I tried to break through these walls, I didn’t have the strength to escape. I was…
- 798 Words
- 4 Pages
Good Essays -
It was a week after Mom and I visited my uncle when we received the call announcing his death. Uncle Lito, my oldest—and favourite—uncle from Dad’s side, had been battling against cancer for almost a year and he had been coping up so well that we all thought he would survive. His passing was a shock for all of us, especially to my father, who was working abroad at the time and was the closest amongst the siblings to Uncle Lito. I remember Dad lamenting over the phone, telling Mom that he wants to go back here to the Philippines to attend the funeral—to see Uncle one last time. However, due to some hitches with his contract and money, Dad could not return in time for Uncle’s burial.…
- 1114 Words
- 5 Pages
Powerful Essays -
Today, me and Grandma were mournful that I’m move into a different foster home. We remember how much things we did together, going to neighbor to help out corn, eating honey from a beehive, and going for a walk in the valley street full of people that we have known.…
- 383 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
I’m not sure why I even tried. I knew the sheets would smell like you, that I would feel that forever void beside me, and that no amount of tears could drown either.I honestly don’t know where to go from here. I hate myself. I hate myself for being human and powerless and I hate whatever it is that took you from my side. It’s a sad little thing, how accepting of death everyone is. Tears are shed but people heal. I won’t heal—I can’t. Because the moment I move on, I’m leaving you behind. Oh, if I could just find you, wherever you’ve gone. There is more to you than a body, I know that. There’s more to all of us. Whatever it is that made you Lizzie is still somewhere, even if in the past. I have to believe that, that entity that shone behind those green eyes is still somewhere, right now. I just wish I knew where. Whether you can see me or feel these words, I don’t know. I hope you can. I need to be near you. I feel closer to you now, in this cold bedroom in this even colder…
- 1811 Words
- 8 Pages
Good Essays -
My Grandmother has been gone for about seven years now and I miss her with every fiber of my being. However, to this day I carry with me, in my heart and soul, all of the fond memories we shared together. Although at times she seemed strict and rigid she was also a loving and compassionate person that would do anything for her family. She was the one person who never failed to make me feel safe and sound. To me her arms were a refuge that could wash away all my fears and make me feel as though anything were possible. Like any human being my Grandmother was not perfect, but in my eyes she was everything, I loved her very much and the day I lost her my heart burst.…
- 921 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
By the time I finished reading the last page, I was full on crying. I threw the notebook on the ground and started crying. Jexavier and Daniel were right beside me and I didn’t care. They have never seen me cry before, I have seen them cry but they haven't seen me. I rarely even cry. Not even in funerals for I didn’t seem to have the motive too. I would still be hurting, but I wouldn’t cry. It's just not the way that I express my grief. Whenever I do cry, it's because of something huge. In my life, I have only cried once, and it was whenever I father died. I usually keep my grief inside me, trying to hide it until it go's away. But this is too much to hide.…
- 1140 Words
- 5 Pages
Good Essays