wishes with revising your paper! Hi‚ Gregory! I am Kobe F.‚ and I am happy to read and comment on your work today. I like your choice of Jimmy Cross for your discussion because he suffers the most important conflict between desire and duty in O’Brien’s story. Below I suggest some improvements to your thesis statement‚ conclusion‚ and comma use to help you enhance your paper. The ERF and embedded comments include the draft being on topic and grammatically correct as in “Help Requested.” So here we go!
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A Home on the Other Side of the Mirror “Dillon‚ it’s time to go!” His father yelled from his car. His room was the only place left he could think. But maybe that was a good thing. He carried his suitcase downstairs‚ each step seeming like an inch closer to rock bottom. The door slams behind him‚ leaving the sounds of anger to echo throughout the house in despair that his mother might be listening and come running after him. She was gone now though. It had been only a few days since his mother
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STORY OF MAYKAPAL In the beginning‚ the sky was very low; it was possible to touch it with a long bamboo pole. Because of this proximity‚ everything on earth was burnt by the intense heat of the sun. The rivers and the seas were boiling tremendously. Then suddenly from nowhere‚ a huge man appeared on earth. This enormous being was called Maykapal. Some of the ancient Tagalogs‚ said that Maykapal was the Lord of the universe who came down to earth to correct some mistakes in his work. However
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When He Came Back Sasha Boswell He had spent my whole life avoiding me‚ leaving my mother and I to look after ourselves‚ no help‚ no calls‚ no child support‚ not even one single letter just to say hi. The day he called was when my world had changed. I would finally meet him‚ the man from the small photo propped up against the brick wall above the fireplace. My curtains were wide open and the sunlight filtered in‚ creating little dust beams as mum liked to call them. The big oak tree by my window
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“FIRST LOVE ” Every Christmas‚ together with Nancy’s Family they travel for a Family reunion. Then one Christmas they went to her Uncle’s resort in Negara‚ Nancy is never excited‚ and this time is no different. They travel for almost 8 hours from their place to her Uncle’s Resort. It is 12nn when they arrived and everybody is so excited to meet their relatives except for Nancy who are on the other side. Nancy was walking in the seashore when she sees lots of familiar faces. It is her cousin
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A Lost Hope The lights appeared out of the darkness. I heard a soft voice talking to me as my eyes slowly opened and everything was blurred. My eyes adjusted I found I wasn’t at home in my own comfy bed but a horrible hospital trolley. My mom was sitting on a chair beside me her hand in mine and her eyes filled with tears I could tell she had been crying. It had happened again I thought to myself‚ I had collapsed for no reason. My mom explained to me why this was happening and a sharp pain shot
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A LOVE STORY WITH A BITTERSWEET ENDING Broken Promise Not all love stories have their happy endings! One day‚ there was a girl named Natalia who loved someone far away from her. She loved Ken so much. Their relationship was like a roller-coaster ride. They didn’t see each other always. Days have passed and Natalia met a new guy. It was on June 2009‚ classes started. Natalia went to school and they had a new classmate who transfered to their school. The guy named Nathan came from a far
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The Clod and the Pebble "Love seeketh not itself to please‚ Nor for itself hath any care‚ But for another gives its ease‚ And builds a heaven in hell’s despair." So sung a little Clod of Clay‚ Trodden with the cattle’s feet‚ But a Pebble of the brook Warbled out these metres meet: "Love seeketh only Self to please‚ To bind another to its delight‚ Joys in another’s loss of ease‚ And builds a hell in heaven’s despite." Corrupted By The Sun I saw her. In a miniscule moment. Her
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Alyvia Daly English lll October 18‚ 2013 Period 5 The Twins Liv was sitting in a chair staring at an aged iron gate with the words of the asylum’s name “Forquer Asylum” embedded in the iron work. She seemed to be staring at something else though‚ something only she could see. You could tell she was in deep thought and whatever it was trouble her greatly just by the way her face was scrunched up like if she was mad. “Liv…” called Dr. Grey. Liv turned not realizing Dr. Grey had been
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• Walter talks about the missed business opportunity with Charlie Atkins. P.32 • Complains that he has nothing to pass on to Travis. “I have been married eleven years and I got a boy who sleeps in the livingroom -- and all I got to give him is stories about how rich white people live…” p. 34 • To Mama: “Do you know what this money means to me? Do you know what this money can do for us? Mama—Mama—I want so many things.” P. 73 • Mama: “Son‚ how come you talk so much ‘bout money?” Walter: “Because
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