1950s Chrome Analysis
This piece has awesome description! Some moments that I like were; "an arched entry to a kitchen decorated in 1960s linoleum the color of Hollywood sanitariums and brushed aluminum where the 1950s chrome would have been." and "the autumn walnut and chestnut fights we had when the trees in the yard dumped loads of nuts in the sleeping grass." They both let me envision these scenes as if I were there looking at them.
I also really like the comparison you made of your childhood to an antique bureau, it's interesting and made me really curious about the large oval mirror that you mention as being "the one that looks back upon us, that sees over our shoulders the way out. " I wanted to know more about this and how it connects to the rest of this
piece especially because it has such an ominous feeling to it.
There were some transitions that felt abrupt for example in your introduction; "We read about idyllic postcard-childhoods, the kind that would have made Norman Rockwell proud and profess envy or solidarity with them. My childhood home was fractured..." Unless you were intending to have a fractured feeling accompanying this sentence then a better transition, most likely by using a transition word such as however, or but, would in my opinion better join these ideas. The ending also felt sudden; I'm being introduced to something new and then it ends and I want more of the story; "When you’re Underdog, you don’t know what the next catastrophe will be, you don’t know Shoeshine Boy is the real hero." This would be really interesting to explore.
Going through the house was great especially because there was a story connected to each of the rooms you introduced. As I read through your piece I was reminded of my own and how I hadn't narrowed the scope to a single moment and expanded upon that. You have a lot of great moments for example, the ending Halloween scene, that can be expanded on and made their own individual stories, where instead of mentioning them briefly you can really dig down into them individually and pull out what you need to.
I also really like the comparison you made of your childhood to an antique bureau, it's interesting and made me really curious about the large oval mirror that you mention as being "the one that looks back upon us, that sees over our shoulders the way out. " I wanted to know more about this and how it connects to the rest of this
piece especially because it has such an ominous feeling to it.
There were some transitions that felt abrupt for example in your introduction; "We read about idyllic postcard-childhoods, the kind that would have made Norman Rockwell proud and profess envy or solidarity with them. My childhood home was fractured..." Unless you were intending to have a fractured feeling accompanying this sentence then a better transition, most likely by using a transition word such as however, or but, would in my opinion better join these ideas. The ending also felt sudden; I'm being introduced to something new and then it ends and I want more of the story; "When you’re Underdog, you don’t know what the next catastrophe will be, you don’t know Shoeshine Boy is the real hero." This would be really interesting to explore.
Going through the house was great especially because there was a story connected to each of the rooms you introduced. As I read through your piece I was reminded of my own and how I hadn't narrowed the scope to a single moment and expanded upon that. You have a lot of great moments for example, the ending Halloween scene, that can be expanded on and made their own individual stories, where instead of mentioning them briefly you can really dig down into them individually and pull out what you need to.