1999 Singles and Morning Mommy Mom

The cycle is endless. I struggle to get up, to get up to face the mirror, to face the world. I walk in the dark with my eyes closed, avoiding any light, and living in an abyss full of my fears. With the last of my strength I manage to turn the switch on; the fluorescent light washes my face away, highlights the unwanted curves and hits my rib cage just strong enough so I’m able to count each one. This is what it has come to, a constant reign of dark over light, of fear over happiness. It’s where the line is drawn between health and obsession. uth of the situation. My closet stares at me, taunting me with the clothes I could once fit into and that I am now too scared to even touch. I’ve learned to hide in the fabric. Reflections are avoided as I walk down stairs. Rapidly packing my lunch that I know I’ll barely eat. My mom comes by to send me off, a routine that barely grows old.
Mom: Good Morning to you too
Me: Good Morning Mommy
Mom: You look thinner, Keep working on it! You’ll eventually get the perfect size I wish she knew what it was like, to hear that. What am I supposed to? Continue what I’m doing? Is that really what she wanted? But all I do is smile, making her think that she’s doing the right thing. Because this is a perfect family, with perfect kids and nothing goes wrong, right? Right. The day flashes by, filled with stress and annoyance, the only two feelings I could even feel anymore. It’s a constant thought of what others see you as, if you’re skinny enough to be talked to, if those jeans really make your ass look big. But of course none of that matters. Just do what everyone tells you to do and get out of the way. I just try to get by, to be so skinny that I can be practically invisible. I go home and sit in my room, stare in the mirror and just look at every part of me, thinking about how I can be smaller, and then even smaller. It’s such a horrible feeling to have, to be able to be nothing but yet not being able not to