A Brain Aneurysm: A Short Story

I lost you today.

I keep thinking that this must be a nightmare. I keep thinking that, at any moment, I’ll wake up and you’ll be next to me. This doesn’t feel like reality. I don’t want this to be reality, because it isn’t living if I’m not with you. Everything has been a blur, since they told me you had left this world. Even the doctor’s face is murky in my memory now, just a faceless man walking towards me with my own death sentence. A brain aneurysm? It's not fair.

Can you see me now from where you are? Where you've gone. Are you even anywhere? It’s cold here, in our room. I’m sitting at your desk in the corner. Jesus, I still don’t know how you found anything in all this clutter! I didn’t want to touch anything, because it’s as you left it. But I had to be near you, I needed to feel you close to me again, so I’ve opened your journal. It’s the new one you bought a week ago in Boganville, “New Year, new memories,” you’d said. You’ve
I’m not sure why I even tried. I knew the sheets would smell like you, that I would feel that forever void beside me, and that no amount of tears could drown either.I honestly don’t know where to go from here. I hate myself. I hate myself for being human and powerless and I hate whatever it is that took you from my side. It’s a sad little thing, how accepting of death everyone is. Tears are shed but people heal. I won’t heal—I can’t. Because the moment I move on, I’m leaving you behind. Oh, if I could just find you, wherever you’ve gone. There is more to you than a body, I know that. There’s more to all of us. Whatever it is that made you Lizzie is still somewhere, even if in the past. I have to believe that, that entity that shone behind those green eyes is still somewhere, right now. I just wish I knew where. Whether you can see me or feel these words, I don’t know. I hope you can. I need to be near you. I feel closer to you now, in this cold bedroom in this even colder